Messages By: bjork12

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October 4, 2005, 6:57 pm PDT

Anorexic for 12 years

 Hi!

I am new to these boards and I have Anorexia Nervosa.  I am 28 years old and have had it since I was 16 years old.  I woould say that it is much worse now than it was then.  It gets worse, the older I get... I've tried the treatment center thing for the past 5 years, with my last treatment stay lasting over a year, and still I am not recovered.   I think about calories and weight loss all of the time.  I have apparently a horribly distorded view of my body,or so I am told. Nothing has helped.  I wish Doctor Phil would help me!  I'm at my wit's end!!!! Some days I really want to recover and some days I totally don't.  It depends.  I see a nutritionist and a therapist and they tell me to eat more and whatnot,but I have trouble trusting them.  What should I do?

Bjork

 
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October 9, 2005, 5:49 pm PDT

I Am Anorexic

Quote From: ronnie07

It's crazy, I know exactly what your talking about. I have a hard time eating too.What sucks for me is that people are always telling me how thin and pretty i am and when i look in the mirror i just  don't see it. I know i'm not fat but I see myself as chubby and always find areas where i can improve on. I have gotten alot better though. I used to not have breakfast or lunch and then when i'd get back from school i'd have a bowl of cereal. Now, since it's cross country season I make myself eat, but i still worry about calorie intake and about gaining weight. It sucks, because i don't know what a porpotional meal would be. I do not consider myself anorexic though. When you say you are anorexic, what do you eat? Obviously you have to be eating some things or u wouldn't be alive,right. Please email me back
 When I say I am Anorexic, yes of course I have to eat *some* things, but they are not what typical people people eat, and I (we?) apply rules to the food such as "I can only eat this piece of food and not that one" or like cutting your food up into really tiny pieces.  It gets really elaborate and takes a long time for some of us.  And I'll check the nutrition labels on *everything* and make sure it is the product with the least amount of calories and such before buying it.  It has to be at least reduced fat or fat free or I don't want to deal with it at all.  I have to leave some of each of the things that I eat behind.  That can be up to half of the stuff that I put on the place.  So say someone put three things on my plate.  I would tear them up/cut them up really tiny, eat slect pieces that are considered "safe" for me, and then leave the rest on the plate.  It usually looks like I ate a lot of it, but I really didn't, just a few bites of each thing.  But I'm so slow and that's frustrating for everyone...  I don't eat at all in front of people I don't know.  Oh and I take diet pills.  That, coupled with the tons of meds that I am taking make me feel weird some days.  I know I shouldn't take them but I have this thing in my mind that tells me that "well, they worked before, they ,might work again!"  So it's a neverending battle.

Bjork
 
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October 9, 2005, 10:47 pm PDT

Diet Pills. Am I Crazy???

 I've got to stop treating my body like crap.  I am on all these prescription meds for my depression and my seizure disorder (brought on by my Anorexia), and yet I still take this "wonderful" coctail of diet pills.  I don't even remember what they're called anymore.  I took them out of their containers and hid them in a bag in my closet.  I take up to three differend kinds of pills (with Ephedra ) because I'm afraid they won't work if I take any less.  I'm so stupid and addicted to these things!  I spent all last night wonering if I was going to live or die!  I actually thought I was having a stroke.  My brain was all tingly, my vision was blurred, balance was off, and I felt just "off", just "out of my head.  Why do I mess with these things anymore??  I just know that I will get up in the morning and think, "Well, that won't happen again", and just take two or three more pills.  Seriously, am I a nut?  I just can't stop taking these things!  I think that if I do, what little weight I have lost in the past months will all come back and then some! Can't have that!

Bjork
 
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October 13, 2005, 9:00 am PDT

Anorexia

Quote From: kitti26

*HUGS* You are not crazy nor nuts. Like my therapist has been trying to drill into my head, "Think of things that are positive about you" Can I come up with some? If I really tried, I might. I know I need to do this, this could also help you. Try to find something that is positive about you. What is it that you like about yourself that is positive. For me, let me start....I love my eyes. Can you find something? It was a good start for me. Now if I can come up with something else... Let's try together if we can find more things that are positive instead of dwelling on the negative and find other things that ends up driving us into self-destruction. You can email me at jesus4every1@myway.com if you need to. I don't know what else to tell you, but I can understand a little on how you feel. With me it's trying to get better from this eating disorder instead of dragging myself further into it. All I want is laxatives, no food, etc. All I want is to lose this darn weight as what I can is fat. How can I get better? I don't know just yet, but I'm gonna find it, even if it kills me. Take care of yourself. Know that someone is out there who can help. Also know, the only person who can really help you, is YOU. Gosh, I also need to listen to my own words... *HUGS* Take care!!
 Thank you!  For once I am going to do something to take care of myself... I am going to see my doctor.  I haven't seen her in a *long* time.  I think I'm going to tell her how I've been feeling and what I've been doing.  I know I need some medication for acid reflux.  I've messed myself up really badly.  The other stuff is mainly that she's got to kick me in the butt because no one else is, including myself.  I take up to three types of diet pills per day on top of my 10 prescription meds.  I can't eat, I can't think, it's frustrating.  And I shake like a leaf.  No one asks why.  Maybe no one cares anymore???

Bjork

 
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October 14, 2005, 7:59 pm PDT

Anorexia

Quote From: kitti26

There are people out there who cares. Don't think no one cares, because there are people who do. I am proud of you for taking the step and getting the help you need. I saw my therapist today. We didn't get into my eating disorder, but we will next week, this week was basically talking about getting my priorities in order and getting things done. She also wants me to keep a journal and putting down atleast one positive thing about me. 

  

I know it's hard to just give this thing up and get better, but I know there is a time where everything will get better. I need to know this myself. Email me if you can. I'll like to talk to you some more about this. Maybe we can help each other recover. I know it will be hard, but it's all we need right now, is some support and encouragement. jesus4every1@myway.com 

  

I have to go home now. Take care of yourself and I will try to reply again soon. *HUGS* Take care of yourself 

 But I've gotten so much "help" and nothing seems to work:(  I've gone through treatment facilities 13 times and hospitals countlessly.   I get the feeling that I am going to kill myself with this disease, that I will starve myself to death or my organs will just give out on me.  If I could just get skinny again, everyone would be happier, including myself.  I just know that is true.  No one would look at me and laugh and make comments like they do.  It was never like that when I was thin.  When I was skinny, all I ever heard was "How did you get so thin"?  None of the giggles and harrassment that make me so depressed now.I dread going to work each day because of this.

Bjork


 
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October 24, 2005, 3:15 pm PDT

Anorexia Keeps Me From Living Life

 Geez, I was just realizing that my Anorexia keeps me from living my life.  It runs my whole life.  Every single second.  It is sooooo frustrating, and   I just keep thinking that if I could get back down to 65 lbs that it would all be solved again.  My parents would take interest in me again.  Guys would take interest in me again.  But my Anorexia does keep me from living my life.  A friend at my work asked me to come with her and a bunch of other girls for pizza during our lunch break and I said "no" because I can't eat in front of people and because I won't eat pizza.  Then, just yesterday I went to a baby shower and sat there and stared as the bread was served, the first course of salad.... then ordered a salmon salad for dinner and only ate some of the lettuce out of it.  The waitress actually asked me why I wasn't eating it.  If I didn't like the salad.  I just said I wanted to save it for later.  Why does every event have to deal with food?

Ohh and an update on my seizures.. I've been feeling like one's about to come lately so I had an MRI today and I have an EEG on Friday.  The MRI was *scary*!  I've had them before, and I don't like them! Well, wish me luck about all that!

Bjork

 
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October 29, 2005, 1:07 pm PDT

Given up hope...

Quote From: tiny_fairy

Hello everyone! 

  

I was diagnosed with anorexia 5 years ago and have been followed by a million therapists and doctors since then. I've had to gain a lot of weight and I can't accept it! I feel so gross and bad about myself. I hate going out and dressing up... I'm so ashamed of my new body that I just want to die.  What can I do to get over this? The temptation of losing weight is SO strong... I'm restricting even though I know it's bad. How do I make all of this stop? How can I FINALLY feel good about  myself?  

  

Hugs! 

  

Tiny Fairy 

I was diagnosed with Anorexia 13 years ago, and I am having the same problems.  I've gone through "treatment" countless times and, due to my last time in "treatment", I am back at what they consider to be a normal weight for me.  I am not happy with this whatsoever and am restricting as well.  I know how you feel.  It's so hard to resist.  I wish I knew how you could feel good about yourself, but I've pretty much given up the hope that I will *ever* feel good about myself...

Bjork
 
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November 6, 2005, 6:44 pm PST

Why can't I be 64 lbs again?

 I know that Dr. Phil tries to help these people, but I was banned from the tv room for most of this show.  I've spent the last 5 years of my life in and out of hospitals because of my severe and chronic Anorexia. My last treatment stay (and really,my last hope) was at a treatment center in Utah.  I stayed there for over a year.I went in at 64 lbs (I'm 5'4'") and came out one year later at around 160, a hundred pound difference.  They overfed me a little on purpose because I was a "chronic" Anorexic and they knew I would go right back to losign weight.  I did.  I have lost 35 lbs since them, and believe me, I do not consider myself to be thin at all.  I look at those pictures of those girls on the dr.phil show and I thought "I was that tiny."  "Why can't I be that tiny again???" Why can't I be?

Bjork
 
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November 6, 2005, 6:54 pm PST

Anorexia Nervosa

 I wish someone would help me...
 
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January 24, 2006, 2:11 pm PST

What I can offer

Quote From: annknutson

Hi,  

  

My sister Ann is dieing of Anorexia. She is 38 years old 5'5 and 55 pounds. She is married, has a 13 year old daughter. She has been dealing with this disease for 25 years. She is the sole bread winner and carries the insurance. She has been to Ramuda Eating Disorder Clinic in AZ that cost $30,000.00 for a month.  She had to pay for all of that. A month will not cure you. She needs long term care that doesn't cost a lot.  I'm so frusterated with our system. It seems like everyone concentrates on Aids, cancer etc.. and all these other diseases & don't even think this is a serious disease. I'm so sick of hearing out diet programs....how about ........getting help programs!!! If anyone has any suggestions about how to get help, please let me know. I'm running out of time with her.  

I almost died of my Anorexia as well.  About 2 years ago, I was 5'4" and 64 lbs. I spent a month in the hospital before going inpatient. That might not sound as bad, but I passed out at my intake interview at the place which finally took me in.  I was on (I still am, actually, I don't have a job currently :( ) Medicaid which is lucky for me, because they paid for *everything*.  If you want my advice, tell your sister to get on Medicaid if she can.  I went to the Center for Change in Orem, Utah, and stayed there for a year and 6 days.  It did not cure me, but got me up to a "normal" weight and taught me quite a few things.  I've also stayed at numerous other places for shorter amounts of time, but I found the Center for Change to be the best even though I live in New Jersey and it was quite a trip for me.  I have to tell you though, it was hell at first, but  then I grew to love it there. The staff there really knows what they are doing and they are really caring.  Anyway, that's all I can offer. :(  If you want to write me, you can write me at c_delioncourt@hotmail.com  I feel really bad about your sister :(

Bjork
 

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