Messages By: coldfeat

As a formal teen of the generation, i am surprised that so many people have said NO to schools giving out condoms and them giving the wrong message. I think it's a good idea. i un-like most teens watch Dr. Phil almost daily. i have a health class in school right now, and yeah sure they did hand out condoms ONE time but that doesn't mean that everyone takes one. i didn't because i believe that pre-marital sex is wrong. sex should happen after marriage. the school is not telling you to have sex, their telling you that if you are going to have sex that you need to know what the consequences can be and that you need protection not only so the female won't get pregnant but also so that you won't get an STD. so i have to say that their NOT giving the wrong message and that they should give them out, because not every parent informs their kids on STD's and protection. they always tell us that the only 100% effective way not to get pregnant, or get an STD is to not have sex, and i have to say i'm disappointed that people think that all teens will take the condoms and have sex because that's NOT me. pre-marital sex is wrong, but educating kids on the subject is right. 

I was a teenager not that long ago, (I recently turned 20), and I still have some friends who are still in high school. I think the situation should be looked at in a logical, thoughtful, sincere way. Of course abstinence is the only 100% sure way to avoid STDs and pregnancy, but teenagers have been having sex for millions of years and thinking that by just telling them that they shouldn't have sex and stoping their knowledge at that would be irresponsible. Especially with the diseases that are out right now.  

I have volunteered to work at the student medical center and it is appauling what a lot of students, people who are in their late teens and early twenties, don't know about their own bodies. There are also a  lot of myths about sex that many kids still have in the 21st century. (And I go to a very good school with smart kids!)  

Personally, I feel like schools should be involved in teaching sex ed, mostly due to the fact that sex ed isn't just a "moral" or "ethical" issue. But it is also a medical one. And it doesn't even necessarily have to do with sex as it does to do with secondary sex characteristics that you develop after puberty. I have talked to girls who don't realise that they pee out of a different hole than they have a period out of. I am not sure if all parents have succificent medical knowledge about the operations of the body, so strictly speaking from the medical side of things, I do believe that schools should be involved. For example: When I was 15 years old, I was placed on the birth control pill to help aleviate very very painful ovarian cysts. I learned about ovarian cysts at school and I was able to talk with my pediatrican about the pain that I was having. Before I knew about it I thought I was just going crazy. My pediatrician was able to talk with my parents and together we all agreed that the pill was the best option for me. It was the only thing that helped me instead of taking gobs of ulcer creating ibuprofen or taking narcotics that could have inhibited my academic performance. And it's not like I decided to go out and start having wild unprotected sex at that age simply because I was placed on the pill. This desicion was a strictly medical desicion and a very serious problem that I may still have had to deal with today if I hadn't first been informed about ovarian cysts in sex education when I was a sophmore. 

Personally speaking, I have several friends who are virgins; three of them are 19, one of them is 23. I even know another woman who is still a virgin at 32.  I have another friend who is 19 who has a baby boy and a fiancee who is the father of her child. I have  friends who are monogamous sexual relationships and others who have sex with multiple partners. I respect all of my friends equally and I do not judge them on their personal choices. I am not saying that I necessarily agree with everyone's personal choices but it is a free country. They all know the possible consequences of their actions and are mature about  whatever it is that they choose to do. Those of my friends who are virgins, not all of them necessarily are against sex before marriage, and not all of them have decided to be celibate due to religious religions. Most of my friends who are celibate choose to do so because it is the only reliable way to avoid STDs. Also, you could give them a whole bucket full of condoms and they still wouldn't have sex because it is their own personal choice. 

When I was 17, I went on an exchange program to Sweden. In this country, they have condoms available at the school nurse just like Tylenol is provided by our school nurses. They were not "passed out"; you had to go get them yourself. Sweden has a much lower teen pregnancy rate and STD rate compared to the USA. I highly doubt that this is only due to condoms but it is also due to the fact that Swedish teenagers have a much more open and candid relationship with their parents when it comes to discussions about sex. Most of the Swedish teenagers that I knew had no qualms asking their parents questions and their parents were more than willing to answer. Also, their parents talked to them about sex at very early ages. I feel like in the USA, many teenagers are very intimidated to talk to their parents about their questions and concerns. They are afraid that their parents will judge them and not understand. I also feel that many parents in the USA wait too late to talk to their kids about sex or never talk to their kids about sex at all because they feel uncomfortable. They think that if they just ignore it that it will go away. But if the parents and the schools do not inform them about sex they will get misinformation from their peers about it. 

So pretty much I would encourage all parents to be able to talk with their children about this topic in a mature, comfortable way (being a teen is a very precarious scary time! Sex is just one piece of the puzzle. So please have compassion for your children and other teens.) If you believe that abstinence is best or whatever your personal beliefs are about the subject, please tell them. They are your children, and it's not my place or anyone else's to tell you how to raise them as you see fit. But I would also like to add that they will not be under 18 years old forever. College is a very different place in which teens and young adults will have to make their own desicions. College is a time in which people start having their own ideas about the world and changing their previous beliefs, whether it's political, religious, what to major in, and even sexual. So the same person who is one way when they are 16 may be completely different when they are 19. I have met many people who were "good girls" or "good boys" in high school but then go completely wild in college. These young people tend to be the most irresponsible in their actions because they havn't had to make their own desicions before and are the most likely to have to drop out of college due to being pregnant, or worse, getting an STD. So please inform your children in a mature, loving way about sex. 

Thank you. 

You ladies are making some good points and I agree with all of you who feel that anyone should be able to breastfeed any time they wish.  Everyone knows (or should know) about all the benefits to the baby that breastfeeding offers.  i.e., lowered chance of diabetes, healthier teeth, higher IQ, lowered risk of obesity, fewer childhood illnesses, etc.  And no one please argue these points because they are SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN.  However, I haven't seen anyone mention the benefits to mom.  A woman who breastfeeds for a lifetime total of 7 years has virtually a ZERO risk of developing breast cancer.  (This information came from Women, Infants, and Children, a national organization)  Isn't that amazing?! The American Academy of Pediatrics has finally caught up with the rest of the world and increased their suggestion for breastfeeding from one year to two years.  And it is proven that after that amount of time, the benefits to the baby do not stop.  They never stop!  Every day that a child is breastfed, is beneficial to both the child and the mother.  I feel that a little over two years is enough for me, but more power to anyone who wants to keep it up!  I breastfed my first until the second trimester of my second pregnancy (he was 19 months old then) when I caved to the pressure of friends and family and weaned him.   

I will breastfeed my daughter until WE decide we're finished.  And I will nurse her anywhere that she decides she's hungry.  It's very easy to be modest and like alot of you have said, most people don't even know I'm doing it.  But I love it when someone makes a comment (good, bad, or otherwise) and I get the opportunity to talk about it.  We need to get the word out!  So many people are uneducated about this subject.  One last question, and I'd love a response.  Why does it seem that it's mostly women that are offended my another woman's breast being inadvertantly exposed in public?  We've all got them.  And I don't think any men are getting turned on by a woman breastfeeding her baby, so I don't think that's the reason.  Has anyone else noticed this, or is it just me? 

Abstinence can work, but not in a vaccume.  I am 45, married @ 20 and was a virgin when I did so.  But you don't abstain by stopping just before the sex act!  You abstain by not dating for recreation.  You abstain by going out in groups and not being alone with members of the opposite sex.  You abstain by having a ...dare I say it?...chaperone when you do go out on a date with someone that you are considering for marriage.  I did it in the late 70's when I dated my husband for 2 years before we got married.  It can be done.  But you can't let your children start dating when they're 12 & 13 and then expect them to choose abstinence.  You can't let your kids go to parties where there is no parental supervision, or sleep overs where you don't know the families or who is going to be there.  It takes alot of work, but it is wll worth it.  I have 3 kids, 17, 19 and 22.  The oldest is married and was a virgin when got married.  It can work.