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Messages By: coldfeat

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October 2, 2005, 3:16 pm PDT

10/07 The Latest Debates

Quote From: migal2127

As a formal teen of the generation, i am surprised that so many people have said NO to schools giving out condoms and them giving the wrong message. I think it's a good idea. i un-like most teens watch Dr. Phil almost daily. i have a health class in school right now, and yeah sure they did hand out condoms ONE time but that doesn't mean that everyone takes one. i didn't because i believe that pre-marital sex is wrong. sex should happen after marriage. the school is not telling you to have sex, their telling you that if you are going to have sex that you need to know what the consequences can be and that you need protection not only so the female won't get pregnant but also so that you won't get an STD. so i have to say that their NOT giving the wrong message and that they should give them out, because not every parent informs their kids on STD's and protection. they always tell us that the only 100% effective way not to get pregnant, or get an STD is to not have sex, and i have to say i'm disappointed that people think that all teens will take the condoms and have sex because that's NOT me. pre-marital sex is wrong, but educating kids on the subject is right. 

You are unfortunately the exception to the rule with many kids today. You believe sex before marriage is wrong, and that is a good thing!  I wish there were more kids like you!  Your school sounds like they are a little more truthful in their sex ed program.  Is your school's sex ed program abstinence based?  or have you made your decision based on parental/church guidance? also did your school tell you that condoms are only about 85% effective in preventing pregnancy and STDs?  I believe education is the best thing, but let's not lead these kids astray by telling them one thing (premarital sex is a bad idea) then turning around and giving them condoms.  to me that makes no sense whatsoever. 

  

 
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October 2, 2005, 3:49 pm PDT

breastfeeding, condoms and discipline

Breast feeding in public?  I have no problem with it as long as she doesn't call a lot of attention to herself, which I personally have NEVER seen happen.  If baby's hungry, feed him/her! 

  

Condoms in schools? it's giving tacit permission to kids.  we have NO PROBLEM saying "SAY NO TO DRUGS" , "DON'T SMOKE", "DON'T DRINK!"  Why can't we tell our kids "SAY NO TO SEX"??  the argument "they're going to do it anyway" is not a valid one.  One can also say, "they're going to smoke anyway, do drugs anyway, or they're going to drink alcohol anyway, so let's give them "safe" light cigarettes, clean marijuana, etc., in school."  Give me a break!  why is it ok for our teens to have sex?  oh wait... the abortion industry has to thrive.  they would lose money if our kids didn't have sex.  condoms?  they fail.  a lot.  If you're 13 year old daughter gets pregnant and what do you do?  (I would hope most would place the baby for adoption!) unfortunately, too many will abort, which is why the industry is a multi billion dollar a year business.   

We are lying to our kids and permitting them to make mistakes that will affect them the rest of their lives.  Why can't we tell them the truth instead of sanitizing it and making it a "decision" for them?  We teach them about the bad effects of drugs, but don't tell them "if you should decide to use drugs, especially IV drugs, use a sterile needle."  It's time to be parents and "just say no" to schools handing out condoms and get involved with your school's sex ed program. 

  

I'll say something to a parent if the kid is acting up and the parent is doing nothing. and if a parent still does nothing, I have no qualms about correcting a child, especially if it may be affecting my property or someone elses.  maybe, just maybe, they'll get the message that society won't put up with their bad behavior.  but then again, maybe I'm an optimist. 

 
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October 5, 2005, 8:09 pm PDT

condoms don't protect that well...

Quote From: badtrip

I also think it would be a good idea for every girl to keep a condom at all times. If she gets sexually assaulted she might have a chance to lie and say, "I have AIDS, here use this condom to protect yourself" and convince the attacker to do so so she herself will be safer. I know this sounds a little silly but it's something to think about.

I think we need to approach teens and sex with the same message we approach them with about drugs and smoking.  we are strong with our teachings that these are UNHEALTHYand often DANGEROUS behaviors.  teens having sex is also dangerous, especially younger teens and adolescents.   

We don't tell kids, "you shouldn't smoke, but if you decide to go ahead, here are some light cigarettes."  We send the message, "Don't Smoke!"  Kids need to know that sexual activity may lead to STDs and AIDs, AND that Condoms DO NOT fully protect them.  Also, STDs or not, pregnancy or not, there are serious EMOTIONAL and PSYCHOLOGICAL consequences that go along with early sexual activity.   WHY are we telling our kids that it's ok if they make that decision, just use a condom???  That's like telling them it's ok to use drugs, just be careful about it.  that would be irresponsible, not to mention insane!  

IF a girl were to be assaulted, it is doubtful that the perpetrator would use a condom.  It's usually not about the sex, but about control. Also, since you mentioned that argument, IF she were to take him to court, he could use that against her, calling it consent...but that's a whole other issue.   

No, I think our girls need to be protected by family members, fathers, education and self esteem.  Don't give your daughters a water pistol, then send them into a hungry lion's den.   

  

  

 
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October 5, 2005, 8:25 pm PDT

10/07 The Latest Debates

Quote From: artemis21

I was a teenager not that long ago, (I recently turned 20), and I still have some friends who are still in high school. I think the situation should be looked at in a logical, thoughtful, sincere way. Of course abstinence is the only 100% sure way to avoid STDs and pregnancy, but teenagers have been having sex for millions of years and thinking that by just telling them that they shouldn't have sex and stoping their knowledge at that would be irresponsible. Especially with the diseases that are out right now.  

  

I have volunteered to work at the student medical center and it is appauling what a lot of students, people who are in their late teens and early twenties, don't know about their own bodies. There are also a  lot of myths about sex that many kids still have in the 21st century. (And I go to a very good school with smart kids!)  

  

Personally, I feel like schools should be involved in teaching sex ed, mostly due to the fact that sex ed isn't just a "moral" or "ethical" issue. But it is also a medical one. And it doesn't even necessarily have to do with sex as it does to do with secondary sex characteristics that you develop after puberty. I have talked to girls who don't realise that they pee out of a different hole than they have a period out of. I am not sure if all parents have succificent medical knowledge about the operations of the body, so strictly speaking from the medical side of things, I do believe that schools should be involved. For example: When I was 15 years old, I was placed on the birth control pill to help aleviate very very painful ovarian cysts. I learned about ovarian cysts at school and I was able to talk with my pediatrican about the pain that I was having. Before I knew about it I thought I was just going crazy. My pediatrician was able to talk with my parents and together we all agreed that the pill was the best option for me. It was the only thing that helped me instead of taking gobs of ulcer creating ibuprofen or taking narcotics that could have inhibited my academic performance. And it's not like I decided to go out and start having wild unprotected sex at that age simply because I was placed on the pill. This desicion was a strictly medical desicion and a very serious problem that I may still have had to deal with today if I hadn't first been informed about ovarian cysts in sex education when I was a sophmore. 

  

Personally speaking, I have several friends who are virgins; three of them are 19, one of them is 23. I even know another woman who is still a virgin at 32.  I have another friend who is 19 who has a baby boy and a fiancee who is the father of her child. I have  friends who are monogamous sexual relationships and others who have sex with multiple partners. I respect all of my friends equally and I do not judge them on their personal choices. I am not saying that I necessarily agree with everyone's personal choices but it is a free country. They all know the possible consequences of their actions and are mature about  whatever it is that they choose to do. Those of my friends who are virgins, not all of them necessarily are against sex before marriage, and not all of them have decided to be celibate due to religious religions. Most of my friends who are celibate choose to do so because it is the only reliable way to avoid STDs. Also, you could give them a whole bucket full of condoms and they still wouldn't have sex because it is their own personal choice. 

  

When I was 17, I went on an exchange program to Sweden. In this country, they have condoms available at the school nurse just like Tylenol is provided by our school nurses. They were not "passed out"; you had to go get them yourself. Sweden has a much lower teen pregnancy rate and STD rate compared to the USA. I highly doubt that this is only due to condoms but it is also due to the fact that Swedish teenagers have a much more open and candid relationship with their parents when it comes to discussions about sex. Most of the Swedish teenagers that I knew had no qualms asking their parents questions and their parents were more than willing to answer. Also, their parents talked to them about sex at very early ages. I feel like in the USA, many teenagers are very intimidated to talk to their parents about their questions and concerns. They are afraid that their parents will judge them and not understand. I also feel that many parents in the USA wait too late to talk to their kids about sex or never talk to their kids about sex at all because they feel uncomfortable. They think that if they just ignore it that it will go away. But if the parents and the schools do not inform them about sex they will get misinformation from their peers about it. 

  

So pretty much I would encourage all parents to be able to talk with their children about this topic in a mature, comfortable way (being a teen is a very precarious scary time! Sex is just one piece of the puzzle. So please have compassion for your children and other teens.) If you believe that abstinence is best or whatever your personal beliefs are about the subject, please tell them. They are your children, and it's not my place or anyone else's to tell you how to raise them as you see fit. But I would also like to add that they will not be under 18 years old forever. College is a very different place in which teens and young adults will have to make their own desicions. College is a time in which people start having their own ideas about the world and changing their previous beliefs, whether it's political, religious, what to major in, and even sexual. So the same person who is one way when they are 16 may be completely different when they are 19. I have met many people who were "good girls" or "good boys" in high school but then go completely wild in college. These young people tend to be the most irresponsible in their actions because they havn't had to make their own desicions before and are the most likely to have to drop out of college due to being pregnant, or worse, getting an STD. So please inform your children in a mature, loving way about sex. 

  

Thank you. 

I agree with you on the education aspect.  ABSOLUTELY we should educate our kids.  and we have to fight a media that is sex-obsessed.  this is not an easy problem with an easy solution.  condoms in schools are a quick fix that will not fix the problem.  education is.  parental involvement is.  I also have counseled many women, being a nurse.  it's amazing how many girls don't know how their bodies work.  but they are getting sex ed in school!  how is this happening???  because they are teaching kids HOW to have sex and not giving them the info they need.  it's appalling.  and sad.  also you have A students and D students.  same in the sex ed classes.  the D students just aren't going to get it.   

I really believe the problem is our culture.  parents work and are too busy trying to live their lives.  kids are more likely to get pregnant between the hours of 3 and 5 pm.    many European countries, like Sweden, still have very strong family connections.  but also, how much of the low pregnancy rates are due to abortions?  is that factored in?  just curious...  many of us in this country have forgotten our basic family values.  and we have forgotten our Judeo-Christian values and replaced it with the god of political correctness.  we warehouse our kids and our elderly.  everything has to be convenient.  and that's gotten us into some trouble on the moral front. 

thanks for your thoughtful comments, btw. 

  

 
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October 5, 2005, 8:33 pm PDT

Breast-feeding

I wonder how many of those babies that died would have survived Hurricane Katrina if their moms had been breastfeeding.  how sad babies died because of no formula!!  I personally think EVERY mom should breastfeed!  but that's just MY opinion...
 
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October 6, 2005, 3:36 pm PDT

GO Breastfeeding moms!!

Quote From: siap1213

You ladies are making some good points and I agree with all of you who feel that anyone should be able to breastfeed any time they wish.  Everyone knows (or should know) about all the benefits to the baby that breastfeeding offers.  i.e., lowered chance of diabetes, healthier teeth, higher IQ, lowered risk of obesity, fewer childhood illnesses, etc.  And no one please argue these points because they are SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN.  However, I haven't seen anyone mention the benefits to mom.  A woman who breastfeeds for a lifetime total of 7 years has virtually a ZERO risk of developing breast cancer.  (This information came from Women, Infants, and Children, a national organization)  Isn't that amazing?! The American Academy of Pediatrics has finally caught up with the rest of the world and increased their suggestion for breastfeeding from one year to two years.  And it is proven that after that amount of time, the benefits to the baby do not stop.  They never stop!  Every day that a child is breastfed, is beneficial to both the child and the mother.  I feel that a little over two years is enough for me, but more power to anyone who wants to keep it up!  I breastfed my first until the second trimester of my second pregnancy (he was 19 months old then) when I caved to the pressure of friends and family and weaned him.   

  

I will breastfeed my daughter until WE decide we're finished.  And I will nurse her anywhere that she decides she's hungry.  It's very easy to be modest and like alot of you have said, most people don't even know I'm doing it.  But I love it when someone makes a comment (good, bad, or otherwise) and I get the opportunity to talk about it.  We need to get the word out!  So many people are uneducated about this subject.  One last question, and I'd love a response.  Why does it seem that it's mostly women that are offended my another woman's breast being inadvertantly exposed in public?  We've all got them.  And I don't think any men are getting turned on by a woman breastfeeding her baby, so I don't think that's the reason.  Has anyone else noticed this, or is it just me? 

In answer to your question, I'd much rather see a mom breastfeeding her baby in public, than to see women on the red carpet with their breasts hanging out and calling it "fashion."  now THAT's indecent.  what about those women that "flash?"  THAT's just downright nasty and tasteless.  why aren't women screaming about all the boobs shown in R rated movies??  I think that is offensive.  don't go see them?  ok,  fine, but don't look when a woman is breast feeding.  it's that simple.  

- and we're supposed to be so liberated... yea right... 

  

also, I haven't seen this mentioned, but BF has been shown to increase the child's IQ by 10 points.  also, it helps mom lose that extra birthweight, 2 more good reasons to breastfeed.  :) 

 
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October 6, 2005, 3:49 pm PDT

condoms in schools - BAD idea

Quote From: jettav

Don't you think giving the attacker the condom would be giving him permission to carry through this sick thing. and as some one else mentioned, it could backfire on her and he can convince the courts that she agreed to it and remind them that it was HER that handed him the condom. NOT a good idea. I would rather my girls fight back and leave scratch marks, scream and yell and draw attention and whatever else they can do to get way from this guy and to leave evidence of the attack, not to give in and say, "o by the way, here is a condom to help protect YOU". just another way to protect the criminal I think and to punish the victim.

I agree with you there.  sadly a large percentage (60-70 %) of young teenage girls 14 and under report that they had their first sexual experience AGAINST THEIR WILL.  basically, they're being raped. it may be date rape, maybe they give in, but it's still rape.  SO let's give them condoms so that when they get raped, they (maybe) won't get a disease or get pregnant.  great logic there! 

and we say we're liberated.  ladies, we are not as much as we'd like to believe.  we're inadvertantly handing our children over to become someone else's sex object.  and not just our girls, but our boys too.   

we as parents need to stand up to the "establishment" who says this is a "good idea" and let our voices be heard.   

Abstinence teaching and parental involvement - the best form of pregnancy and STD prevention.  it does work. 

  

 
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October 6, 2005, 3:50 pm PDT

10/07 The Latest Debates

Quote From: mygirl_zoe

 I have a five month old daughter that is exclusively breastfed.  I do breastfeed in public, and at first I covered up with a blanket.  When it started getting too hot to cover her up, I just did it discretely... I understand that there are mothers of older children who may not want their children seeing it.  However I was shocked to learn that Tennessee, where I learn, does not have a law stating that breastfeeding in public is NOT considered public indecency.  I have never found it indecent to see a mother breastfeeding, even long before I had a baby myself.  

I have heard people suggest feeding my daughter in a bathroom stall because they thought it was indecent.  I thought this was absolutely ridiculous.  I don't eat in a bathroom stall... why would I feed my daughter there??  I think America should be much more accepting of this issue.
when I think of a mother breastfeeding in a public bathroom stall, it makes me want to barf!  YUK!! 
 
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October 7, 2005, 8:50 am PDT

10/07 The Latest Debates

Quote From: alamlin

I am a parent of two teens in high school, a daughter and a son.  You are so right when you say parents need to get their heads out of the sand.  My daughter tells me a lot, we have a very open relationship.  Parents in my town would be MORTIFIED if they only knew what their kids were doing.  Parents are oblivious!!  Most parents that I talk to think their kids are still virgins and that they have nothing to worry about.  It has been an eye opener for me.  We need to talk to kids on their level.  It is great if a teenager wants to wait for the right person or marriage, but there are too many of them out there that are having sex with no protection.  I am in the medical field, and these kids have no idea what having an STD can involve.  They have no idea that just because someone doesn't show symptoms, they can still pass the disease.  I think absitinence should be taught, but right along with it we should be teaching our kids responsible sex.  AIDS is a killer and I would rather teach them responsible sex than put my head in the clouds.

I agree, but condoms don't adequately protect against HPV, Herpes and other chancre-type STDs.  and it ain't all that great protection against aids. it's better than nothing, but still has about a 15% failure rate.  would you get on an airplane that has a 15% chance of crashing?? 

Kids NEED to know that condoms aren't 100% safe.  they are still at risk.  education and parental involvement are the key. 

  

 
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October 7, 2005, 8:53 am PDT

10/07 The Latest Debates

Quote From: susan244

Abstinence can work, but not in a vaccume.  I am 45, married @ 20 and was a virgin when I did so.  But you don't abstain by stopping just before the sex act!  You abstain by not dating for recreation.  You abstain by going out in groups and not being alone with members of the opposite sex.  You abstain by having a ...dare I say it?...chaperone when you do go out on a date with someone that you are considering for marriage.  I did it in the late 70's when I dated my husband for 2 years before we got married.  It can be done.  But you can't let your children start dating when they're 12 & 13 and then expect them to choose abstinence.  You can't let your kids go to parties where there is no parental supervision, or sleep overs where you don't know the families or who is going to be there.  It takes alot of work, but it is wll worth it.  I have 3 kids, 17, 19 and 22.  The oldest is married and was a virgin when got married.  It can work. 

thank you for that input!  Abstinence CAN and  DOES work.  if it works in an African country, where there is more promiscuity than here, why can't it work here??
 

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