Messages By: starflower

hi, there :) you sound a lot like me, too. i hope you find some confidence in yourself and find even a one good friend you can talk to and spend time with :) everyone is unique, you dont need to feel bad about yourself. we are all different and you also have some very special qualities and a lot to share :) you are good enough just the way you are, i assure you :) nothing is wrong with you, you just think&feel bad about yourself and you can change that. it takes time but good things always do :) remember that you are not alone, we all have our problems and worries and fears. 

some of us may be very sensitive, introvert, naturally shy...and we have right to be like that :) some day there will be someone coming your way who can understand you and see the good things in you which you maybe dont see yourself yet :) im a lot older than you, but im still shy and very unsocial and feel very different than everyone else. sometimes i feel very alone but in years i have learnt to accept myself and i have a few persons in my life whom i can trust to accept me as iam. and i can finally say im finding happiness :) 

you can try to find friends over the internet, if its difficult for you to speak to people face to face. that way you can gather some courage and confidence. it has worked for me :) i wish you the best. take care of yourself and dont worry, be confident and patient that life has a lot to give to you and you have a lot to give to life :) 

hello, anna :) i think you have to be patient most of all, to give time to your mom and step dad so that she will eventually understand you and this guy are friends and you are serious about getting married, too. there are always people who disapprove our behavior and choices, we can´t please everyone :) and often our parents have to face things they don´t want to, cos we children have to find our own ways in life we can´t follow our parents.  

we are all human beings with heart and soul, and searching for happiness. you are still young. be patient :) time will show you if this guy and you are meant to be. i strongly believe that true friendship and love are first of all based on equality and so they survive through anything :) im sure that even the toughest parents will finally be accepting once they see your determination and that you stand up for yourself as a responsible grown up person and not simply disobeying them or rebelling.  

you have to make some choices there and think about the consequences. listen to your heart always. i hope things will turn out for you the best way as soon as possible :) 

have you thought about how your husband feels? what is going inside his heart and mind? it sounds like he is not happy either and for some reason has allowed himself to become lazy. i think the only right thing to do is for you two to have a thorough conversation, to tell each other what you think and how you feel and what kind of changes you would like to make. all that without judgement and criticism.  

i believe the attraction comes within your hearts, so finally the physical appearance has nothing to do with it -it is just the attention focuses there as you arent connected to your hearts. whether we are slim or fat, tall or short, or whatever ...we can be attractive:) and, as we all know, physical attraction very naturally can fade in years of shared daily life -so we must really be connected in hearts and share everything, and find things to keep attraction fresh :) 

i hope your unpleasant situation will find positive solution soon. communication is the key :) 

YES, it is possible :) it happened to me, too, and now we are planning to get married. before i ever met him or even knew how he looks like ...i had the strongest feeling ever that this is meant to be. it may sound very idealistic or naive to some ...but i believe in it. when we finally met it was like meeting someone i had known forever, it felt so familiar. it is sharing the thoughts and feelings, the heart, that helps to find the connection if it is there.  

i think it is all about honesty and trust. if you can communicate with each other openly and you find out you have a lot in common and you are looking for the same things in life -that is the way to know he is the one, is it not? and finally meeting each other face to face can either confirm the feelings or make you realize it was not realistic or it can simply turn out to be good friendship. there is nothing to lose :)  

dear, YOU should be your fiancee´s best friend :) i have never really seen a guy and a girl being able to have a good friendship -sooner or later one or the other starts to have romantic feelings and then the whole idea of friendship becomes absurd:~ you have every right to be jealous if your fiancee is having close friendships with any other female than you :) you have to make him to choose, either you or her. that is what i would do. husband and wife must naturally be best friends with each other and not with other people of the opposite sex. 

it doesnt sound good to me that he hasnt introduced you to that girl earlier -if he has nothing to hide, he hides nothing! YOU are his partner, he loses nothing by staying away from other women:) 

and about his mother, your fiancee can either make his own decision or you two can wait a few years. if it is true love, it will survive :) 

i can understand your feeling because i also lost my previous fiancee as he died at early age. i was absolutely depressed and wanted to die. but i read some useful books that helped me to deal with death and i understood that we all die sooner or later. God decides when it´s our time to leave earth. and every day is so valuable and it´s important to be grateful for every thing that we have. i have now a good man in my life and hopefully soon we are married. i can say im truly happy:) 

think about your loved one, she must be anxious in the heaven as she knows your suffering in life. it´s admirable and good that you are so devoted to her but im sure SHE wants you to be happy and if that means you look for someone to share the rest of life with -im sure she respects that. there are lots of honest but lonely single women everywhere in the world. keep on looking and you will find her. im confident that God brings the right person along when time is right and we are ready for that:) 

im very sorry to hear about your hard experiences. i hope you have at least learnt something :) you clearly had wrong type of boyfriends. you shouldnt be afraid of being alone for a while too, as long as it takes, and spend time discovering your self and what you truly want for your life. im sure that when you are confident and enjoy being alone too, you will attract the right type of person for you. there are lots of faithful and trustworthy men out there :)  

in life there is so much to be happy about, not only being in a relationship :) i think after a harmful relationship like that we´d all need some time alone and doing things we like -to concentrate on ourselves instead of searching things outside. isn´t it what DR.PHIL says, you teach other how to treat you :)? and it´s important to know&trust yourself before you can know&trust someone else. so i hope you aren´t in hurry looking for a boyfriend but concentrate on yourself -then im sure the right guy will come along and you´ll be happier than you could ever imagine :) 

take care. never lose hope :)