Messages By: kitti26

Lately, I've been wanting to lose weight more and more. I can't see to stop. My fiance, Andy has been trying to help me through it. I'm keeping a daily log of what I eat and how much I weigh. He checks it often making sure everything is okay. I want to lose weight, I know it's unhealthy, but I can't stop. I want to stop, but how can you stop the other part of you that wants THIN, THIN?!? I don't know what else to do. The more I try to get better, the hard it is. I want to exercise, but seems like once I start, I won't be able to stop. It's like I work around my disorder, making it seem like I'm getting better to others, but finding myself going deeper into it. How can I stop this? I've been battling this since I was 14-years old and I'm now 26. How do you get pass this eating disorder behavior and thoughts when trying to recover? I'm losing this entire battle and it's killing me. 

First off, *HUGS*... I wish there was a magical cure to cure this eating disorder and SI. I use to SI also and still to this day trying to recover from my own eating disorder. Since I was 14, I've been going through this eating disorder and now 26 and still haven't gotten better. Instead, I find myself working around my eating disorder, showing everyone I'm okay, but instead, I'm falling into another trap. There were times where I want to cut my wrist,  but I find other things in order to distract myself. Anyways, take care of yourself. Know that you aren't alone as far as feeling this way. There are many people out there who feel the same way as you do. I know for me, I would like/love myself or hate/dislike myself or both. It's weird. It's like I want this eating disorder then again, I don't. It's like you are battling two people and it's like you are caught in the middle of a dangerous battle. It's like Nancy said in For the Love of Nancy (a Lifetime movie), "It's like this war going on in my head and I don't know how to stop it." That is how I feel. I don't know how to stop it, I wish I did. If I knew, I'd love to share it with you to help encourage you to getting better.  Anyways, *Hugs* again. Take care of yourself. You can email me if you wish. jesus4every1@myway.com  

There are people out there who cares. Don't think no one cares, because there are people who do. I am proud of you for taking the step and getting the help you need. I saw my therapist today. We didn't get into my eating disorder, but we will next week, this week was basically talking about getting my priorities in order and getting things done. She also wants me to keep a journal and putting down atleast one positive thing about me. 

I know it's hard to just give this thing up and get better, but I know there is a time where everything will get better. I need to know this myself. Email me if you can. I'll like to talk to you some more about this. Maybe we can help each other recover. I know it will be hard, but it's all we need right now, is some support and encouragement. jesus4every1@myway.com 

I have to go home now. Take care of yourself and I will try to reply again soon. *HUGS* Take care of yourself 

*Hugs* I'm sorry if nothing has helped. I know where you are coming from. I've been in the hospital so many times, it's not funny. My doctor yesterday accused me of not eating. I told him I was, but he doesn't believe me. I feel he thinks I'm taking laxatives and purging. I haven't done either of those in awhile. The nurse put 98.2 as my weight when it was accually my temp. I didn't realize that till later, after I left the office. Anyways, Take care of yourself. You can email me if you'd like. I check my email as often as I can. It's jesus4every1@myway.com Anyways, I'll talk to you later. Just know that you aren't alone as far as how you feel. I feel like this ed is going to kill me as well. I just hope I prove myself wrong and live through this. Bye for now! *HUGS* 

~Olivia 

Hey everyone! I wanted to add onto two post, but have a hard time putting two names on here all at once, so I decided to address everyone on this. I know how some people feel as far as going through this eating disorder and not fully recovering from it. It does seem helpless as far as trying to get better. I too, don't have insurance and to get the help I need, is hard to get. I don't even have a steady job as well. I am engaged to a guy named Andy. He tries to help me get through this, but it seems pointless as well. I don't know what else to do. I want to get better, but in a way, I find myself slipping more into this ed. I don't know when this will end. It started when I was 14 or 13-years old, can't remember which. And now I'm 26-years old and still haven't been able to recover from this completely. I also feel like this thing is going to kill me. I also hope that I will prove myself wrong and fully recover. Andy feels that I shouldn't be on medication and believes with God's help, I'll fully recover. I also believe this as well. I keep praying over and over about it, but yet, I'm not getting any better. When will this end? I'm also in that cycle where I feel there is no end. Anyways, I'll talk to everyone later. Take care!! 

*HUGS* 

Thank you for the information you have provided. I greatly appreciate it. My fiance and I like what you put online about the Valentine on John 3:16. We thought it was quite interesting and very awesome! I didn't noticed it till my fiance pointed it out!