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Messages By: prinscb

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October 4, 2005, 2:20 pm CDT

Ready for Marriage?

Quote From: jonesapr

Hi, I am 28 and have been living with the same man for 3 1/2 years and have been dating for 4 1/2 years.  I tried to bring up the marriage subject around 2 years and again at 3 years.  It has not come up sense.  What do I do?  I don't want to push him because I know that is what his last girlfriend did and he can't stand her now.  What do I do or what can I say to break this already thin ice? Please help.
 I'm in your same boat.  I'm 26 and have been dating the same guy for 6 years and have been living with him for 5.  I strongly agree that pushing is the worst thing to do.  Maybe you guys could have a really romantic evening together and while in discussion simply ask where he sees himself in "X" number of years.  I've done that and at least it got him to say SOMETHING. 
 
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November 30, 2005, 7:32 am CST

Good News

Quote From: jesinaj

This may require that you move out.  Under NO circumstances, however, may you cite his not wanting to get married as the reason why you want to create some space.  You MUST also reassure him that you aren't trying to leave him for someone else.  Insist that you want to remain faithful to him, but feel that you both could benefit from some time apart. 

  

This is not about making him miserable, but about making him see what he's missing by  not making you a permanent fixture in his life.  It's not that he means to take you for granted, but after a long time and getting stuck in the rut of daily life he doesn't appreciate the little things you do as much.  So, if he gets some space and starts wondering how he every made it without you, he'll be calling you up and wanting you back...  put him back on the 3 day rule...  if you don't know... this is the minimum amount of time a guy needs to contact you by for a date...  so for friday night, he should call you no later than wednesday so you can plan your time accordingly...  (there's nothing more fun than frantically doing 2 loads of laundry, washing your hair, and taking a shower between work and a friday night date!) 

  

hint 1. don't always be home when he calls or at least don't always answer!   

hint 2.  This is not about making you miserable either.  Use this time for yourself!  Concentrate on some things you've wanted to do for you and call up some old girlfriends and go out!  You can think about him though, consider his reaction to your space idea and also whether or not the two of you can have a successful marriage. 

hint 3.  This is not about other men.  dont' go calling old boyfriends.  This will just confuse you. 

 hint 4.  Be Patient!  Rome wasn't built in a day and guys are slow sometimes. 

  

Warning:  this may 'backfire' on you (if you want to call it that).  he may realize after all, that he can... and would rather... live without you.  This is something he would have figured out eventually whether you left or not, and finding out this way could save you from messy divorce or putting many children in the middle of a mess.  If he does decide he's better off without you, you're better off without him, I recommend taking this as a 'he isn't the ONE'.  This frees you up to work on yourself and get back out there looking for Mr. Right. 

  

  

 Well, things have changed since the last time I was on here.  On our six year "anniversary", my boyfriend proposed to me!!!!  We are getting married June 24th!  We are so excited!  All of our friends and family are thrilled.  Maybe the old saying is true......Good things come to those who wait!
 
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December 6, 2005, 12:34 pm CST

Hello

Quote From: jennife72

hi there  

well congrats on the proposal 

i have been with my b/f for almost 3 yrs  

and he said this is our year  

so hopefully i will get a question asked this year as well 

i am in indiana you? 

  

Well, my fingers are crossed for you!  Hope you get your question too!!  And yes, I'm in Indiana as well.
 
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December 22, 2005, 3:52 pm CST

Answer from prinscb

Quote From: marihop60

During your wait, did you ever leave him? Get discouraged? Were you living together all that time? My current BF is "scared" (We've all heard that before!LOL!) and I feel I'm just paying for what his ex did. We actually have more problems than that, and his getting married has nothing to do with me until he sees my car backing outta the drive! But anyway, I'm in a discouraged point right now. I really thought hw was the one, but if he was, wouldn't we want the same future? Did you ever have moments? TIA!
To answer your questions in general.....Yes!  We split up in '02 for about 3 weeks.  I came back home and things were great for about 4 months or so.  I was discouraged a lot of the time.  I mean, every holiday, birthday, "anniversary", etc., I would get my hopes up that he would propose.  And yes, we were living together.  We've lived together 5 1/2 out of the 6 years that we've been together.  I felt the same way about my bf....as far as me paying for what his ex did to him.  He got her a promise ring after they had been together for 3 1/2 years or so.  She cheated on him.  It broke his heart.  He didn't trust me for the longest time.  I would make it VERY clear to him that his not trusting me because of what had happened to him was SO NOT FAIR.  I told him I AM NOT HER.  I ended up paying  for her mistake for about 2 years. 

We have always wanted the same things for our future (i.e. living out in the country, eventually having two kids, etc.).  But, yes, it was extremely discouraging not having that "committment" and knowing that he could throw me out of his house at any given moment.  Like I said about holidays, etc.  WOW was I depressed, time and time again.  (Back in '02 after we got back together, we actually went looking for rings.)  Yep, just got it last month!  This relationship has really taught me patience.

If you believe in your heart that he is the one, dig your heels in.  Talk to him.  BUT, whatever you do....DON'T PUSH HIM.  It's easier said than done.

By the way, how old are you guys and how long have you been together?
 
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December 22, 2005, 4:00 pm CST

Hi there!

Quote From: jennife72

well thanks  

hope i do as well  

i am sure this will be the year  

what part of indiana?  

i am in indpls 

I'm about an hour south of you.
Are you having a good holiday season?  Mine could be better, but then again, it could always be worse.  My fiance and I aren't buying presents for one another because not only do we have a wedding to pay for, but we're also wanting to move this spring.  Plus, to make things worse.....he's wanting to trade our boat in on a new one this spring as well.  Yikes!
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!  Hope to hear from you soon.
 
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April 27, 2006, 2:31 pm CDT

Hi, I'm back!

 I haven't been here for quite awhile.  I had been so upset about not getting a proposal from by bf of 6 years.  But, on our 6 year anniversary, he proposed!!!! That was in November.  We're getting married in TWO months!!!!  June 24th!  Everything is falling into place.  I got my "princess" wedding dress (courtesy of my father, thank goodness), plans are coming together, family from CA and LA are flying in, etc.  I'm soooo excited!  The past few months have been awfully stressful.  Other than my dress, rehearsal dinner and a couple hundred dollars from people, we're paying for the wedding ourselves.  Yikes!!!!  But, it's good to know people!!!!  We're getting our reception site for FREE!!!!  Now, it's not anything to brag about, but it is a nice "cabin" owned by a big company where I live and there's a nice pond on the property.  It'll be alot of fun!!!  I'm just ready to have the day here already.  I want to be able to take a step back and enjoy every minute of it.  I don't want to be one of those "bridezillas" that freak out about everything. My feeling about everything right now is----as long as my fiance and I are married by the end of the day, then everything went according to plan!!!  (Feel free to see my 2-entry diary.  It's called "Wishing, Hoping and Waiting".)
 

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