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Messages By: mrsmedic

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October 4, 2005, 8:49 pm CDT

For our family..

We are co-sleepers and it works great for us.  We have one, 3 yr old James, who is still occasionally in our bed.  We have a mattress on the floor that slides under our bed in the daytime and pulls out at night. Thats "his bed".  When hubbie is home (he works some nights) James is moved to that mattress for the night and we get our couple time.  If he wakes up in the night he's welcome to climb back in to bed with us. Sometimes he does, other times not.  I see him growing up in how he joins us with less  frequency.  We began co-sleeping simply because it was so much easier on all of us when our babies were tiny.  I quickly learned to nurse laying down and we all got to SLEEP!!  A rarity in the early weeks when I insisted baby sleep in his own bed.  Everybody has stopped climbing in with us on their own, I have not forced the decision on anyone.  We love this lifestyle and encourage parents to be open minded. Sleeping with mom and dad doesn't not have to be a bad habit, it can be a wonderful thing.  It doesn't have to interfere with sex either.  In fact it interferes a lot less than no sleep does!! Get that baby mattres and make room for it under your bed. <g>   

  

It's a very individual decision however, one that nobody can make for any family but their own.  Follow your heart, nobody elses~ 

 
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October 4, 2005, 8:54 pm CDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: navygurl69

My daughter is going to be 2 soon and she slept in our room for the first year in her playpen at the foot of our bed. My husband has never been around a baby before we had our daughter so he got real nervous that something was going to happen while she slept. So to comfort him, she slept in our room. She went very easily to her own crib. She is used to only sleeping in our bed when: 

1:My husband is away with the Navy and I need some comforting. 

2:She is sick. 

3:If she wakes up from a nightmare. 

  

She is real good about going back to bed if we don't allow her to come to bed with us. We have even grabbed our futon mattress and layed it on her floor so we can sleep in the room with her to calm her down. 

  

One of my friends has a 2 1/2 year old and he wakes up in the middle of the night like clockwork to go into the bed with them. I don't understand why they do it because it doesn't give them any personnal time to themselves. We have told her to try to just let him cry and fall back to sleep and it works when we are there but if no one is there, she doesn't want to hear him cry so she goes and gets him. I think that is rediculous. He also sleeps during his naps and night time with a pacifier in his mouth. He doesn't use it during his naps at daycare and sleeps just fine so I don't understand why she insists on giving it to him while he's at home. That is just confusing him while he's at daycare.  

  

Any suggestions on how I can help her get her child away from the bed and the bink? 

My suggestion would be to let her be mommy to her child and you be mommy to yours. 

  

If she were harming her child I'd be the next in line to try and change things, but she's not. She's mommying the way she sees fit just as you are.   

  

Put the shoe on the other foot and imagine your feelings if she were pushing you to allow your child to sleep with you.   

  

Glenda, 

mom of a 3 yr old with a binkie, in my bed. :) 

 
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October 4, 2005, 9:02 pm CDT

Not sleep, but arguing

Quote From: jcollins68

I agree with you completly in you saying that parents do not need to argue in front of their kids. I have a bad habit of giving my son something when my husband says no. I am trying to work on that. We are in our first year of marriage, and have alot to work on as a couple.  I am going to try to put my son in his own bed. But let him know that he can still come get in bed with us whenever he gets scared. You are right , it is petty. Thankyou for your advice. I am young and still learning, with alot more still to learn about life and relationships. 

  

Thanks, 

Jamie 

I disagree on not arguing in front of kids. I believe kids should see arguments AND resolutions. How else are they going to learn to resolve arguments? 

  

Or, if they never see it and one day hear their parents arguing, imagine the fear that could take over. Suddenly they're afraid mom and dad don't love each other. If they've heard arguing and resolution that fear has much less of a hold. 

  

Jmho 

  

 
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October 4, 2005, 9:04 pm CDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: puptent

We put him in his bed at night but he always comes in overnight but the difference for me is my hubby is okay with it.  I agree that they are young and need us as parents but I wonder why he doesn't feel secure enough to stay in his bed all night and have tried to help him with this.  I love the closeness that we (hubby and I) have with our son.  I love waking up in the morning with him in our bed -- it is a wonderful feeling but I don't know that I could let it continue if my hubby did not agree. 

  

I don't know that I would say either of you (you and hubby) are wrong but I know that you need to come to an agreement as it isn't good to argue about and in front of your son.  You two need to discuss this and other child situations ahead of time to see what page you are each on.  This will help to avoid future arguments over how to raise your child. 

  

Good luck and hang in there! 

For my son, at 3, I don't believe it's a security issue that has him coming to our bed in the night. He just loves to cuddle with us as much as we love to cuddle with him.   

  

However, like you say, if hubbie was opposed I would have to find some way to resolve the issue.  Co-sleeping is wonderful but not worth ruining my marriage over! 

 
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October 5, 2005, 9:07 am CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

Quote From: utahgirl79

  I agree that when we have to turn our children over (as far as starting school) it is oh so very hard.  I have been a stay-at-home mom since my son was born and really feel blessed that I have been able to.  My son this September started kindergarten. It was hard to turn him over and to trust that everything would be okay.  I mean, deep down I knew that it would be.  I now find myself thinking, "If only he could be 4 again so that him and I could have just one more year together at home."  I wish that the times that I did stress about the messes or the coloring on the walls that I just would have taken a deep breath and enjoyed the time.  Don't get me wrong I wasn't and still am not the type of parent where I stress about making sure everything is in it's right place every second of the day.  

       It's just that I realize now that children grow too fast and to waste those precious moments with them when their little by stressing out is a complete waste of time.   I'm not saying that I have been able to alleviate all  the stresses that come with being a mother but that my perspective is different now.  Time with our children is so precious and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world!! 

Thats why my four are home with me!  I wouldn't trade our homeschooling life over for anything.  But even having them at home with me when many are having to send theirs to school, they still grow up TOO fast!  Deep breaths and remembering that one day far too soon that frustrating toddler will be grown up and gone.  My 16 1/2 yr old is a very good reminder of that for me!  My house is chaos on a good day, we won't even talk about the bad ones. :)  But - we have lots of fun together and we also work together to try and beat the chaos.  If only it stayed tidy... 

  

:) 

 
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October 5, 2005, 9:12 am CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

Quote From: irishmom

 I have three girls, ages 4, 5 and 4months.  I am a stay-at-home mom and also home school because the public school in our area has proven to be an unsafe environment for our daughter.  It can be very stressful managing the laundry, dishes, meals, cleaning, home school curriculum, breastfeeding, taking care of the dog, etc.  Luckily I am a naturally organized person so it isn't quite as bad as it could be, but still can get chaotic at times.  I try to get the kids out as much as possible (we went to the local Natural History Center today for a "field trip") so that the house can stay as organized as possible while I still teach the children. 

We seem to be on the road too much, leaving too little time at home to clean! Because of my MS I am always tired, so I need to nap in the afternoon.  The big kids (12 and 16) watch the little ones (3 and a disabled 10 yr old) for me a lot, which helps, but then I hate to ask them to do so much cleaning after they've done childcare! It's a challenge, without a doubt. 

  

 
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October 5, 2005, 9:17 am CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

Quote From: dearcomet

You are not going to believe this but I have a 16 year old son and a two year old daughter.  I too thought that my daughter should be potty trained by now because my son brought me his diaper at 18 months, yes he did, and told me that he was a big boy and only babies wear diapers and he wasn't a baby anymore.  From then on he didn't wear diapers.   

  

As for my daughter....we have spent hundreds of dollars on potty chairs, books, videos, dolls you name it.  I went to her pediatrician frustrated and broke and asked "WHAT???"  With all his degrees and experience he very calmly told me "She's not ready yet"  

  

Simple words, but he's right, sometimes she tells me when she has to go, sometimes she doesn't.  But I think the fact that I'm not stressing about it is stopping her from stressing and we are plugging along. 

We do "child led" potty learning.  They let us know when they're ready and we follow their cues.  My older daughter was days past her 3rd birthday.  My older son I tried to force into learning and it was a disaster.  My 3 yr old is hit and miss right now, he's interested but can't yet hold it once he st arts to go.   It's a very simple process when they are ready and when we, as parents, allow them to lead the process.  We put a little more money into diapers or pull ups, but oh well.  They grow up and eat you out of house and home later, whats the diff. LOL 

 
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October 5, 2005, 9:29 am CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

Quote From: britsie

I certainly hope that this show was a wake up call for women who haven't yet had kids. Think it through and discuss it BEFORE you get married. Once you have them, you can't send them back when they become a lot of work or get ill.  

  

No one ever said that you HAVE to have children. That is your personal decision, not your mom's or mother-in-laws' decision. Don't be swayed by others because you are the one who will have to raise the kids you have. Also, don't assume that family members will babysit for you. Don't assume that people without children are dying to babysit for your kids, either.  

  

I chose not to have kids and life is wonderful. My husband and I have never regretted it. I get involved with my friends' kids instead. They are fun for a few hours. But I don't want them 24/7 ! 

  

As a result, we have had more time and money to do things for the community. We have noticed that we are healthier and look younger than our counterparts with children. Neither one of us is on perscription drugs. We haven't had the everyday stresses of parenthood. Our marriage bond in strong because we had the time to nurture it. We were able to weather some serious storms that life has thrown our way, but I don't think we would have made it if we had been distracted by  our childrens' needs.  

18 yrs married and going strong here, no drugs either! But four kids, six miscarriages, MS, a disabled child, plenty of stress.  Add to that that others seem to have problems believing I'm as old as I am and I think we're doing ok. :) 

  

 I find your *take* on parenting very different to be honest, but I think you feel we have it far worse than we do. Is it frustrating and stressful? You betcha.  but it's the most rewarding thing out there.  I wouldn't trade my every day stresses, 24/7 children for all the time and money in the world.  My contribution to my community is time, well behaved children, cookies for events, lots of good stuff.   

  

Yes, Dr Phil has some s truggling people on his show, but there are also many of us out here who, while we certainly have our stresses, are very happy as parents.   

  

  

  

 
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October 5, 2005, 11:22 am CDT

spina bifida and prader willi

  

I'm mom to four, one being a 10 yr old with spina bifida and prader willi. While she has gone way far beyond what Dr's said she would ever do, it's still a lot of work being her mom. She's catheterized three times a day, wears goodnites as she has no bowel control, and she is non-verbal. Well, she has about a dozen words she uses.  I am homeschooling her as I was spending more time and energy fighting the school than I had for my children.  I decided to put that time and energy into her and it's paying off in big ways.  I need to find some respite care though.  She's a happy little girl most of the time, but it's like having a young child around forever.  We have to keep the fridge locked, the food up high or locked, electronics out of reach, etc.  A toddler who may never learn "don't touch" when no one is looking. 

  

I love her dearly but I'm burning out.   

 
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October 5, 2005, 11:43 am CDT

10/07 The Latest Debates

Quote From: badtrip

Well, I didn't mean to imply that you have to co-sleep to breastfeed, I just know it makes it much easier for me. I also enjoy it for its cuddling aspect. I wasn't dogging those who don't do it, I actually admire your dedication to still pump in the night to keep your supply going. I also know that a lot of women who do BF are afraid to cosleep because they're just doing what they think is best and they want the best for their kids. I was so afraid to do it that I went through major sleep deprivation in the early days nursing around the clock and sitting up trying to stay awake. I also know that it's perfectly safe to do as long as you follow a few safety guidelines. And a lot of people suffer sleep deprivation or do night time bottles because they need to sleep, I just know that with cosleeping my son and I (and my husband) all get a good night's sleep every night and my son gets to eat as much as he wants, and we're still nursing at 15 months. A lot of moms I know who don't cosleep dry up prior to 1 year. I was just putting it out there as an option although I'm not trying to offend anyone or imply that it has to be done to BF. 

Also, interestingly there was a study that showed that SIDS was higher in babies who slept in cribs than in the family bed.The rate was twice as high for crib babies. While suffocation was more likely in the family bed, the non-SIDs family bed deaths were only 1.5% of the SIDS deaths. For more information on this see www dot askdrsears dot com and search for safe sleeping articles. 

I think this has something to do with breathing in more exhaled CO2, not going into the deepest state of sleep, and also the parents being aware of when the baby stops breathing and being there to assist the baby within moments. 

Baby's copy the breathing of someone in the room with them. Hearing someone else breath is like a reminder to them to breath too.  Even having your baby in his/her crib in your room is a help.  Also, the stats about babies being suffocated in adult beds don't take into consideration that some of the time there is alcohol and/or drugs involved.  A parent who is high on anything is far less likely to notice they've rolled on a baby.  It's a sad fact, but a fact nonetheless.   

  

Happily co-sleeping in Eastern Canada 

  

 

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