Messages By: sumgrrl

Quote From: msomeone2

It is great that both of you have become clean and sober :)) Good to hear success stories.

Quote From: stryker_m

I have to disagree.  I can say from personal experience that the meds DO help.  Without them (and yes, i've tried going off them before and it was a disaster), I am unable to perform my job duties, function as a wife and mother, and live a fear free life.  Meds HELP ME.  I do not believe that I "stressed and worried" myself "into" schizophrenia.  I do not believe that paranoia 'grows into' schizophrenia.  It is a biological and possibly genetic disease that IS helped with medication.  To say otherwise to someone with this illness is irresponsible and asking for disaster.  My psychiatrist isn't the boogyman.  She's a physician with experience that shows that meds help relieve the symptoms of schizophrenia.  Yes, reducing stress helps minimize episodes but that is not the whole picture.  I, for one, will continue taking my meds because I know what my life is like when I am not on them.  I choose to take control over my life and my illness and not succumb to paranoia of the medical system that is there to try to help me.  If you think modern mental institutions are bad, try going back in time a little... maybe 100 years when the mentally ill were caged away in asylums and forgotten.  The advent of meds for schizophrenia has evolved along with the attitudes and treatment of patients in hospitals.  I for one, would not like to go back to the dark days before there was any treatment for this disease.   For those of you who think i've 'worried and stressed' myself into schizophrenia, I say walk one day in my shoes.  Know the things I know and see the things I have seen.  and then tell me meds (in conjunction with medical evaluation and therapy) are not the answer.  JUST ONE DAY. 

Quote From: hswrdrule

I am a victim of child molestion, abuse, neglect, etc. It was such a slap in the face when I finally got the courage to tell me father and he called me a crazy liar. Thinking back, I don't know why his reaction was such a surprise to me. He never believed in and/or stood up me. Whatever happened to parental support. Although I love my dad, I must say he didn't do very well in the parenting department. And as a result, he doesn't have any kind of relationship with his first three children. I do have a 20 year old sister, maybe he'll do better with her.  

As for me, I have chosen to distance myself from most of my family members. Not that I don't love and care for them, but they aren't supportive, they don't understand me, and there's always something negative when it comes to who I really am.  

I use to think that once I started to deal with my abuse issues, this magical relationship would develop between my father and me. But he is so ol' school. And I am cool with that. I am not in the business of trying to change anyone who doesn't want to be changed. I am realizing that I can have a life seperate from my family and still love them.  

Now my deepest desire is to get on with a life of love, peace, and balance.  

Quote From: lostjeans

I believe you are what you think you are. 

  

It may be possible to be "cursed".  But is it also possible to be a "lucky charm"?  and what makes the difference?  Your attitude?  What you believe? 

  

Just some food for thought. 

Quote From: coachsers

My marriage of ten years is on the brink of divorce.  I am a husband that was not supportive and accepting of my wifes feelings.  She has taken care of our kids and me with all of her being and she feels she has nothing for herself.  We have been separated for 2 months and she wants a divorce but I dont.  She says she does not love me anymore.  I have taken responsibility for my actions.  My wife just wants to feel like an equal partner.  I have to change my life and myself in the way I treat people.  I want to change and save my marriage.  I want to be a good Fathetr and a good Husband to my wife and all I need is a chance..  THere is so much anger and resentment on her part that it seems thse feeling are covering her heart.  She had been so dedicated to me, I want to stand by her now.  Can Anyone relate to this?

Quote From: tayla69

Many in my time, (the babyboomers 1945-1959) watched our relatives and neighbors get beat BADLY by their parents as seen in this clip for Mondays show.  IT WAS TYPICAL of how parents punished their children.    

  

My husband has 11 siblings him being #9.  They grew up watching their Dad BEAT the living daylights out of their mother on a weekly basis.  She had:  

  

• Both her legs broken 3 times
• Both her arms broken 2 times
• Her face and cheeks beat severly
• Her eyes blacked out all the time
• Her one kidney removed because of a severe beating involving her being kicked badly on that kidney
• A 12 guage shotgun, cocked, safety off and trigger pulled while pointed in the middle of her forehead.  Fortunately, the oldest son (at age 15 at the time) knew the Dad had loaded it and he would unload it every time the Dad loaded it.  When the Dad pulled the trigger and nothing happened, he beat her severely
• Had a miscarriage because of a beating
• Stayed with him until the youngest was 3 when she sat them down and asked if they would be ok if she and Daddy lived apart.  They cried tears of JOY!!! She was soooo shocked...she thought they wanted to have their Dad there with them!!
• ALL 11 of the children have had at least 2 children.  ALL OF THEM HAVE NEVER laid a hand on their child, using other methods to "punish".
• Everytime my husband and I watch a television movie, or talk show with abuse, he always says, "Why do people continue to use it happen to me, so I continue the abuse excuse'??  Everyone is an adult..GROW UP!  GET HELP!!  My husband and his siblings cannot understand how someone could do this to their child, especially when they have suffered the same treatment.

So, even though Karen MAY have had this same type of abuse bestowed upon her during her childhood, this is NO REASON to do this to her innocent children.  There are those who NEVER EVER do this to their children, even though they have had severe emotional and physical abuse done to them for many many years.  Please do not allow this EXCUSE to continue.  If you see abuse, hear abuse, or a child tells you about abuse.....R E P O R T  I T!!!!  Get Children's Protective Service involved and keep on them!!! You will GET RESULTS!!  

Quote From: dadathome

As this episode of Dr. Phil has revealed? Women in general are terrible mothers and are on equal ground with men to abuse children.   

  

"In a word — ha. As much as we may like to believe that mother animals are designed to nurture and protect their young, to fight to the death, if need be, to keep their offspring alive, in fact, nature abounds with mothers that defy the standard maternal script in a raft of macabre ways. There are mothers that zestily eat their young and mothers that drink their young's blood. Mothers that pit one young against the other in a fight to the death and mothers that raise one set of their babies on the flesh of their siblings. "  

  

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/09/science/09mama.html?ei=5094&en=11ae6ae3bc586a45&hp=&ex=1147147200&partner=homepage&pagewanted=print  

Quote From: moodynurse

I just watched the show, and it struck such a cord in me.  It brought back feelings I knew were there but have fought to ignore and forget.  I could not help but cry every time the clip of the beatings were shown.  It was like I was experiencing their pain with them. I was treated this way by my mother  until I graduated from high school and moved away to college.  She screamed, yelled, hit, kicked, pushed, and called me every name in the book including slut,  whore, and bitch.  From a very early age she would tell me she wished I was never born, she regretted having me, she hated me, etc.  She admits that she had to let my dad take over disciplining me as a toddler because she could have been reported to DFACS. Unlike these poor kids I did fight back which probably made things worse for me, but I was not going to just lay back and take such abuse lying down.  She was going to know it was not okay.  As I grew up I would literally fight back by hitting, pushing, yelling, and swearing.  Once I started driving I started having suicidal thoughts and ideations.  I pictured myself driving full speed into on-coming traffic.  I imagined putting a garden hose in my tailpipe and through my car window and going to sleep and just not waking up from carbon monoxide poisoning.  I thought "that would teach her a lesson" and give me a way out.  Because of my Faith in God I did not follow though with these thoughts.  My dad did step in to intervene if he was home when the fighting was going on, and he usually did take my side and defend me.    

Since I have moved away from her we get along pretty well in small doses.  We still rub each other the wrong way frequently, and we both hold grudges for extended periods of time.  Needless to say we do NOT have a good mother-daughter relationship.  She does not think she did anything wrong, and I have not forgiven her (or forgotten).  

Now that I am grown and married I am terrified of having my own child because I believe I will treat him/her like I was treated.  I do not know what a "good mother" is.  I do not know how to be a good mother; I do not know anything different.  Dr. Phil is right when he says "children are scarred to the core" and treatment like this "changes who they are".  I really am emotionally scarred from my mother's abuse even though I did not know it at the time.  I want to know how to change this pattern of abuse before I decide to have a child.  I DO NOT want to treat my child the way I was treated.  No child deserves that.  I am just really afraid.  I do not want my child to move across the country to get away from me when he/she is grown (like I did).  

I do not know if Dr. Phil or his staff reads these message boards, but if anyone knows what I should do to stop the cycle before it starts please let me know.    

Quote From: bamagran53

Okay..here is my two-cents worth. I am a believer of spanking....not beating...just a good old fashioned "pop on the rear"....just the rear! And I say, never, never spank when you are angry!

My dear Mother raised 9 children...and she spanked, with a keen little switch, (which she made us "youngins" go get from the yard"..LOL), but you know what...I am 52 years old, and I do not remember getting too many "switchings"...I told my Mom this one day, and she said that she did not have to spank us that much, because she did it right the first time...and I don't ever recall her raising her voice at us either...THAT drives me crazy when I hear a Mom or a Dad screaming at the top of their lungs at their children...that is abuse to me....and those that tell their children.."Wait till I get you home"...or another one I hear all the time.." Wait until your Dad gets home"!!!!!

Ok...that's all I have to say about that.