Messages By: punkbabies

If you don't like hearing it, then WHY ARE YOU HERE???? Any intelligent person could see that the purpose of this show/board was for women in this situation to vent and get support and advice from each other, not to be berated by some 'Supermom' who apparently has everything under control. Wait, do you even have children? I didn't see any mentioned in your post, so I wasn't sure. If you do, then great, good for you on being so perfect that you have it all worked out. If you don't have kids then you have NO right to judge a woman who does. Comment, yes, but to judge and criticize, absolutly not.  

Here's a couple of newsflashes for YOU: First, some don't plan on kids. Personally, I wasn't planning on any. However, I have three. All were very unexpected, but welcome, surprises who are the light of my life.  

Secondly, there are many, many days where the floors need to be mopped twice a day or even more. ANYONE who has a toddler knows this. There are constant spills and messes that have to be taken care of, otherwise your house will become infested with pests drawn to the nastiness on your floor.  

And thirdly...NO a bathroom cannot got 2 or 3 days between cleaning. In your house, maybe so, however, I have two little boys who use the bathroom who haven't quite learned to 'aim' yet. We're working on it and they are trying. In the meantime, I will make sure that all the pee is cleaned off of the toilet, floor and any other surface that became an innocent victim in the process. Also, their bathtub has to be cleaned almost daily b/c they are boys and boys get very, very dirty. Therefore, their bathtub gets very, very dirty. Perhaps you would suggest that I just hose them down outside? The amount of time a mother spends cleaning has nothing to do with the size of her home. The majority of the time they are cleaning and recleaning the same three or four areas of the home. Not to mention all the little 'accidents'. Have you ever cared for a toddler with diarriah (sp?) ? Toddlers are great about taking off their diapers and running around naked and before you can catch them they've made a nice little poop-trail all through the house.  

Oh, and throw their toys away?? That's just about the most absurd thing I've ever heard. Do you have any idea what a grandmother will do if she finds out you threw out all of the toys she spent so much time and money on for the kids??? Before you make this mistake here's another little newsflash: you can just take them away and put them up somewhere. It's just as effective and not so wasteful. Plus, trashing your child's toys in front of them (esp a small child) is just plain cruel.  

Oh, and how do you know that Ginger's husband comes home every night?? 

Here's the deal, I have three little boys ages three-years-old, two-years-old and three-months-old. My soon-to-be-ex-husband walked out on me for someone else when I was five months pregnant and on bedrest. Right now I am in school full-time, I work and I take care of all three boys by myself. Their father rarely, if ever, sees them. I had to take out a loan just to get a lawyer while he's blowing loads of cash on his little girlfriend. I had to move into an income base apartment that is less than 800 sq. ft. My day starts at 5:30 am and ends somewhere around 1am and that's IF everything goes well! I get less than four hours of sleep per night and even that is disrupted several times by nightmares and a hungry baby. I am barely making ends meet, my car is about to die on me and I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to pay the rent this month. However, this is not a game of who has it worse. All of these women have the right to vent. Now, I will say that I probably have a bit of a rougher time than most, but that does not give me the right to judge or berate these hard-working mothers who are just looking for an outlet to get some support from other moms. SO BACK OFF!!!!! 

Okay...I am going to count to ten before I respond to this one....... 

Well, aren't you just a selfless martyr?? You and your husband work and go to school and you have ONE child. Please....I work and go to school and I have three children, ages 3, 2 , and 3 months old. NONE of my children were planned, apparently my body metaboizes birth control too quickly so it is much less effective. Didn't realize this till after we'd tried several. Not only this, but, my husband left me for some bimbo co-worker when I was 5 months pregnant with the youngest and on bedrest. What makes you think that all of these women planned on having three or four children? You have no right to judge that until you ask them. Things happen. And don't even get me started on the comment that a husband/father shouldn't help out just b/c the mom is a stay-at-home-mom. The husband can clock in and out of his job. Once he leaves the office, he's done for the day and has no further obligation for that day. An average husband will work 40-60 hours per week. It is sooo different for a mother! Mom doesn't get to clock out and just say, "I'm done for the day!" A mother is on call 24/7. She is a chauffer, a chef, maid, nurse, teacher, accountant, personal assistant...among many other things I'm sure. Now, my father actually APPRECIATED this about my mother and went and added up all of the things she did and how much time she spent doing them. He then figured out how much she would be paid based on the average salary for each of these professions. He found that it was four times his salary and he made VERY good money. The old saying is true: A mother's work is never done. I have more going on than some of the others here, but I would NEVER consider berating or judging them based on my personal experiance. Its not right and certainly not fair.  

Yeah, there are a lot of women out there who do 'it all'. I'M one of them! However, I would never be so self-righteous as to suggest that other women who aren't doing as much are just whining and should appreciate how wonderful their lives are. You know nothing of these women's lives. You assume that they didn't discuss things before marriage, what if they did and it just didn't happen? Not everything can be planned out. And yes, you did suggest that a man shouldn't help out b/c you didn't list it in his 'job description'. So calm down sweetie and ask yourself if you really have the right to accuse these women of whining when you know very little about them. 

Oh and for the record, I've done both. I've been a stay-at-home-mom and I'm currently working, going to school and have my three boys full-time, their father never takes them or helps with them. Being a stay-at-home-mom was much more difficult. It required much more patience and more work. Not to even mention the lack of adult communication. My personal opinion, as someone whos been in both positions, is that being a SAHM is much more difficult.  

Well, I am in school full-time, I work, I have NO spouse and I have three boys under the age of four. So, if you wanna play 'Who Has it Worse?' I think I've got you beat. Plus, I'm going through a nasty divorce. However, I don't think this makes me any better or any more hardworking than any of these women.  

quote: **if you don't like what I said, don't read it!!!** 

Perhaps you should take your own advice on that one.  

(((BigHugs))) for you. Your post brought tears to my eyes. The reason why is because about six months ago I could have written your post. First I was a SAHM to our two boys. So, EVERYTHING was my responsibility, he wouldn't even help with the kids by just playing with them after work. He'd put them in front of the TV and he'd sleep or play on the computer. Nothing was done right and there was only ONE right way to do it. I didn't do the laundry right , I didn't do the grocery shopping right, I didn't pay the bills the right way. Then,  I started back to school. I was in school full-time and he said I didn't get paid for it, it didn't benefit our home so everything was still my responsibility. He said that all I did was sit on my butt in class all day so there was no reason I couldn't handle everything else. Then, I got pregnant with our third. We knew we would need more money, so I got a job. Before this anytime I said we needed something his response was, "Get a job!". So, I got a part-time job and was still a full-time student. I was also very sick with this pregnancy all day and all night long. Well, my job wasn't good enough. I was a part-time bank teller, but, that didn't qualify as a 'real' job so, the house and kids were STILL my complete responsibility! I was so sick that in the evenings all I could do was just feed the kids and lie down b/c I was vomitting 10-20 times a day and had been hospitalized several times. Once, I had just come from the bathroom from once again puking my guts out...well, mostly just dry heaves b/c there was nothing to come up. I sat down on the couch trying to recollect myself. The house was a bit messy and dinner hadn't been made. This idiot had the nerve to say to me, "You know, the kids deserve to live in a tidy home."  

Well, to avoid making this reply longer than it already is, my husband is now my soon-to-be-ex-husband. Back in March when I was still pregnant and very sick, I packed up my children and went to a women's shelter. No, my idiot husband wasn't hitting me, but, my therapist helped me realize that what he was doing was emotional abuse and was just as bad, if not worse than physical abuse. Your husband is abusing you just as mine was. Oh, and the sex-on-demand is sexual abuse, my ex did the same thing. If I wouldn't have sex with him he'd hold me down and masturbate. I too felt like a servent or a possession and was tired of it. I just couldn't do it anymore. I finally realized that I deserved so much better. What's even more important is I realized what it was doing to my children. If things stayed the way they were my boys would have grown up to believe that women were merely servents put on this earth to please the men in their lives. Either that or they would have allowed other people to treat them as their father treated me. Do you want this for your son? 

Now, if you are determined to stay with him and try to make yourself perfect for him, you are setting yourself up for a huge failure and disappointment. This is not about you. It's about him. You ARE a good wife and mother, his attitude has nothing to do with your abilities. Now, to keep your own sanity there is a great system I use to keep myself together. I'm taking care of three boys under the age of four, I'm working and going to school. Have you heard of Flylady? Check out www.flylady.com. Its a wonderful home organization system that will help you. However, even if the house is perfect, the food is perfect, everything is perfect, don't expect your husband to suddenly start treating you like a human being.  

Sweeite, this man is mistreating you. He is abusing you. You deserve so much better and so does your son! Your son needs a happy mom, not one who feels pushed down and stepped on. Do you want your son to think that this is what a marriage is? A co-worker was in a similar situation. She finally left when her 8-year-old daughter said that she didn't want to have any babies b/c then she'd have a husband who made her sad and she would never have any fun again.  

My heart truly aches for you because I've been there. Right now I am tired, I am stressed, I don't know how I'm going to pay the rent and my car is falling apart. But, I'm happy, I'm finally happy and I finally like myself again and realize that I have worth and I am a good mother and a hard-working person! That alone is worth all the stress and work.  

If you EVER need to talk, vent, cry, or you need advice on something PLEASE feel free to email me at: momluvspunx@hotmail.com  I would love to hear from you and would love to help you in any way that I can.