Messages By: judyblue22

I once thought that my kids were back in school I would start my own maid service, put an add in the paper and drive around to peoples houses and clean their house, do two or three houses a morning and then have your child picked up by lunch!  I know a few people who have done it and it is working great for them....something to think about!  LOL  You could also deliver flyers to houses, you know like the Walmart Flyer and things like that.   

Let me just get this straight. 

You mean , we shouldn't stay home and raise the kids because we should stay in the workforce in case something happens. 

Someone needs to get real.  Don't criticize your husband or wife!   

Show each other that you understand each others position by trading places for several months.   

If you can't walk the walk - don't tell someone else how to walk or criticize how they walk. 

The biggest reason for problems in marriages roles today is centered around the fact that society "ie schools and family" never bother to teach young people how to quickly and easily do the traditional work of the home and family.  Today there are no traditional men's roles and traditional women's roles, so both men and women need to know how to do all the jobs that used to belong to the other sex.  And today few men and women know how to do much of anything. 

for example both the husband and wife need to know how to do the following by themself, as well as together: 

Prepare a budget and follow it!   

Furnish a home so that it is quick and easy to clean and maintain.   

Buy clothes that are easy to wash and put away.   

Change the brakes on the car 

Reset the circuit breaker when the power goes off 

prepare and paint the rooms 

Change the sparkplug on the mower and Mow the grass 

Plant flowers and shrubs 

cook fourteen meals from scratch and have them on the table in less than 30 minutes.   

The above is a small list of a lot of necessary jobs in a funcitioning family. 

IE Everything that needs to be done in a family and when nobody really knows how to efficiently do the job it results in big unwinnable battles and deep resentment. 

I just finished watching the show again, this time with the VCR remote in one hand and a pen and paper in the other.  

I noticed that not all of my responses were exactly in line with what Dr. Phil was asking. He asked a couple of questions about my, and I responded with my thoughts about something to do about Kelly. I really didn't see at the time that I had to be the specimen under the microscope, and wanted to "get back on track", so to speak. Dr Phil did not say my concerns were invalid, but he pointed out that my approach was having a very negative impact on my wife. 

It was obvious after watching the tape again that the focus of the show (our segment) was centered on my critical spirit and not a house of chaos and clutter. Although I would have liked to come away with a subscription for solving the chaos and clutter, I think that the problems Dr. Phil pointed out have higher priority. 

I also am going to consider Dr. Phil's advice given at the end of the show. 

Clearly marriage is a partnership. Clearly it is a give and take. That's the formula. 

You have to look at every relationship based on this assumption: 

What is it costing me to be in this relationship? You should never invest more that you can afford to loose. You should never stop being who you are to be half of someone else. 

I don't know why that response touched my heart, but it did.  Thank you so much.  Yes, I'm a doctor.  And I chose not to take a full partnership in my practice so that I could ask not to work on weekends and could limit my call nights to when my husband was at home so he could do the evening routine!!  And I am blessed to have partners that understand my position.  This afternoon we were at Disney On Ice and a mom and her son came up to me to say hello and remind me that I had taken care of the little boy about a month ago.  My son, who's now 13, turned and said "Mom, that's so cool.  I think you're, like, one of the smartest people I know."  Talk about one of those mommy moments that grab your heart!!    

Like I said earlier, my social circle consists mostly of male physicians and their at-home wives (which is fine, of course) so sometimes it's lonely not having other women to support me in what I do.  Maybe that's why I can be so sensitive to comments on here.  But I've enjoyed this debate, because it has made me realize how blessed I am. 

Thank you so much for your simple, yet powerful, words of support. 

If you have a female and male child, then you know that they are born VERY different......more than just gender.  Boys and girls respond to things differently, play differently, and behave differently.  While it is accepted as children, why not as adults?  "boys will be boys"  What does that mean, then?   

If we are all honest with ourselves, we will agree than men would love to be the heroes in their family. They want to be the providers, the leaders.  (go ahead, ask your husband.) The reason they aren't is because women are fighting too hard to make them women!  We want to be in charge!  Have you noticed how many television shows there are that are demeaning to the male role?  Find me a show where the husband is respected and valued instead of made to look the idiot!  

Women are made with the ability to multi-task and to think of more than one thing at a time.  Men just can't do that!  They are, however, wonderful visionaries if given the chance!!. Women are the ones with the ability to carry out their visions.  Instead, we are trying to force them to be something they are not.   

While I agree with the large consensus that it is an equal effort of love and respect on both sides, isn't it amazing how many people marry someone completely opposite??  It is because we complete each other, what he's not, I am and what I am not, he is!  We accept it and compromise, not try to change the other to becoming something they aren't.  

I know if I had to do it all over again, I would've never started working.  I worked when I was single, then when my son was born I was not employed.  When he went to school I volunteered at his school and eventually was hired by the school district part time as an aide, etc.  I first started out working just to keep myself busy and then it became a bad thing.  The more I made, the more I spent and now I have to work to pay my bills.  My child is all grown up, but I see no end to my working because of my debt.  I truly see no end in sight, as far as my ever being able to retire, especially with the social security crisis.