Emotional abuse can be easily identified if you're being called "fat" or "ugly" or "stupid". Controlling behavior can be easily identified if you're allowed only enough gas to get to the grocery store, and physical abuse can be easily identified by the bruises it leaves behind.
There's another form of abuse and that is the abuse we don't "really" see or hear. Comments like "oh you don't want to do that!" or he'll ask where you want to go for dinner and when you make a suggestion, he says, "oh you don't want Mexican, do you?" Or he says to you "oh you're going out tonight....I thought we could watch a movie", you're too sick to take care of yourself much less your children but your husband suddenly becomes sicker than you. He's conveniently got a "lot on his plate" at work when you need to talk about your feelings, whatever they may be. He says things like "oh you know I didn't mean it that way". You never hear him praise any of your efforts. When you threaten to leave, he says "do you know how much money it takes to run a household?". He makes you ask him for money and says to you when you do "well let's see what you've been spending your money on...that sounds like an awful lot."
These are comments and behavior ladies that can beat you down as much as "you're stupid" can. This kind of abuse is usually shrouded by a lavish lifestyle, gorgeous home, exotic vacations. Why would you ever want to leave this? He'll try to make you so dependent on him that you won't leave. You'll find yourself making comments like "well I don't have to worry about money", "I can stay home and raise my kids", "could I make it without him?", "WOW look at the wonderful vacations we take."
But when enough is enough, you look back at the pictures from those lavish vacations and remember the smile you see in one of the photos was forced because he was making you miserable, or your ability to stay home and raise your own children is marred by comments like "you really need to find something to do so you don't sit around thinking about how unhappy you are." You find that that big house you live in is fancy and pretty but you're usually in it alone and when you're not alone, you're lonely. You find that the financial freedom you enjoy has a price. If any of this sounds familiar to you, you're probably in as much pain as the ladies who get told they're nothing. God bless you all.
