Messages By: ibelive

Happy Zot, please tell me what you're dealing with (ie) symptpoms)., I've had Hypoparathyroism since the day I was born. I've had calcium problems all of my life. I was dianosed by "the doctor of Endocrinology" since then. Are you having bouts of Tetany (ie tightening of the muscles)? If so, I might be able to help. I DO NOT envy anyone who's had to deal with this ailment. Hope I can help, Linda

Gals, if your DH's are in their 30's or 40's, they're probably going through thier mid-life crisis. I'd get some therapy. If he doesn't talk about his feelings, he'll drag you into a bigger problem. I've been through 30+ years of marriage. We've both been through our own crisis's (sp?)). Thank GOID we don't have any children. I wouldn't bring any children into this WWIV, We both have a whole host of problems (each, our own). I ow mine, he's yet to own his. We've both done things wrong. I doubt you have because women tend to think about children before themselves. We don't have any children, so that poses another host of problems. You don't think not having kids makes a differance, but it does. I won't get into details, but if you need a shoulder to lean on, I'm here. Hugs, I Belieive

I'm sorry to burst your bubble. I don't know how young/old you are, but your cheating WILL come back to haunt you. You say you're in a good marriage? I doubt that, otherwise you wouldn't nt be tippy-toeing around. I KNOW, I've been there and it's come back to haunt me, some 20 years later. If you don't do whats "right", it doesn't matter. I believe in God, have done things to make myself feel "good", but it's now hurting my husband when I need him the most. I won't get into details, but for your kids sake and your DH's, get out of this relationship now. I guaranee you, you will not benefit from it. If you need to talk to someone, you need to start with DH or a counselor. My problems were MINE, not his. I needed to work on me. I did, but again, I'm suffering the consequences of MY actions.

One other thing I wanted to mention... wonder how many "other" women he's seeing. Sounds like he's making the rounds. You say he "comes around". Just an afterthought. If you don't think about anyone other than yourself, you at least, owe your kids a better like than a lie. Sorry if I've offended you. I'm an old broad who's been around the block more times than I'd like to remember. Just don't want ot see any more children hurt by their partents not dealing with their own issues. I'm a product of that.

Forgive me, I don't quite know how to respond to each individual message. I seem to be responding to the wrong messsage when I do. They don't seem to make much sense. Can someone enlighten me? Thanks!

Figureitout, It might help if you'd tell us old broads what age group youre in. I wish they had emeticons to show emotion here. Oh well. Hon, it sounds like he's going through a mid-life crisis. Been there, done that and a couple more things that happend down the line. If you demonstrate what it is that you want...sometimes DEMAND it, you'll get back what you put out. I've been married for over 38 years. I've taken care of anyone and everyone under the sun. I LOVE to cook. I took care of my nex t door neighbor. Fed him after his wife dies. My husband's seen what I do. I demonstate what it is to care for others. My husband came from MONEY, I didn't. There was money in his hous, but not much else. I came from NOTHING, but had a wonderful upbringing. Understanding where our spouses came from makes a BIG differance. IF/when God decides to take me, I can HONESTLY say that I've given as much as I can. After almost 38 years, I can honestly say that my DH's FINALLY started to open up with his FEELINGS. My affair lasted 10 years, is lasted 2 days...tell you anything? I'm still able to work it out. He's actually started to "care". We'll see. Hang in there. There's more to this book.

Dr Phil, your wife, so eliquintly (sp?) said it all. Give your wife a little love and respect and she'll bend over backwards for you. My DH didn't. He thought that just bringing in a paycheck paved his way to FREEDOM. NOT. I cannot imagine having children and having to deal with the guy you had on today...he JUST didn't get it. I don't have any children, but still, running a household IS NOT easy. He got a dose of my medicine by having to take care of US (just the two of us) for 3 weeks when I broke my arm. Needless to say, the work wasn't done as good as I can. The bills had to be paid (which he'd NEVER done before), he had to do laundry (we have ruined clothes). I could go on an on. I told him...give me a LITTLE attention, not brow-beating and I'll do anything for you. You TRY to tear me down and you be sorry. You can do it ALL. WHEN I was working, I had full-time job, opend a small business across the street from where I worked AND took care of him and our home. I told him once, "no one would care for you or me, other than US." No one knows you like you know me or I know you. I KNOW you're not a bad person, nor am I. We HAVE to work together or this mess is going to fall apart. He's slowly, VERY slowly, learning how to love. I've told him OVER AND OVER AGAIN...you NEED to communicate your FEELINGS with me. "Have I ever beat you up?" NOOOO!!! BTW, I had an affair 10 years into our marriage or 37 years. It lasted for 10. My DH had an affair for 2 days. I told him, that if he'd beeing doing what he should have done waaay back when, we've never had gotten into this mess. I'm very vocal, I tell him how I feel and why. I don't b^&^& at him every day, just tell him what's going on with me WHEN it happens. I don't let things build up, then blow them on him all at once, like he does. He knows about my affair and I know about his. I would not suggest to anyone, telling their spouse about the affair, but he was going through one of many mid-life crisis and he ticked me off BIG time, and it came out. I'm sorry now, but that's water under tha bridge. Will you PLEASE do more shows on "men opening up with their feelings?" We're NOT mind readers. We both came into this marriage with baggage. He opened up his suitcase, I opened up mine (in our 20's) and we looked at each other and said "fix me?" Well, it never happened. I LOVE your show and your wife and I'm JEALOUS!!! Love both of you to pieces. I Believe (almost 60)

None of what we're dealing with has to do with sex, just like rape. It's people who're dealing with feelings, ours and theirs. When we married, we both came into this marriage with baggage. He with his, and me with mine. We HOPED that each other could "fix" our problems. Instead, we hung on for ove 30 years, thinking we could fix "something". Well, something doesn't work. We've had counseling. That didn't work. We both had women. On heavy-set woman, one who seemed "butch". I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Anyway, WE all have problems. Find someone YOU find comfortable with. If you don't, get rid of them. If your spouse wants to stay, so be it, you move one. Just like we should have yearrs ago. This was less than 10 years ago. I've almost given up. Finding the right person to help you....beliveing in God, doing the right thing....it jjust doesn't seem to matter. People are so selfish. Sorry, I'm kind of jaded tonight.