Messages By: gubinski1

I AM RECENTLY DIVORCED AFTER 6YRS OF MARRIAGE. THIS IS MY SECOND MARRIAGE. WE DIDNT COMMUNICATE AND HE HAS ANGER ISSUES. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 10YRS AND IN THE PAST HE WAS INTO PLAYBOY MAGAZINES. I TOLD HIM I FELT BETRAYED BY IT AND IT HURT ME AS A WOMAN. I LOST MY TRUST IN HIM DUE TO THIS AND HE CANT UNDERSTAND. WE HAVE BEEN APART ABOUT 1MTH AND HE HAS ALREADY GONE TO PURCHASE FHM AND STUFF MAGAZINES. I KNOW THEY ARE NOT PORN BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE URGENCY. HE HAS BEEN TOLD FOR THE PAST 1YR HE HAS ED AND IMPOTENCE. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THE MAGAZINES WHEN YOU HAVE NO DESIRE AND HAD A PROBLEM WITH ME.  I HAVE A HARD TIME EVEN THINKING OF EVER GETTING BACK TO HIM BECAUSE OF THIS. SHOLD I EVEN BOTHER OR SHOULD I GO ON WITH MY LIFE.

I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED SINCE MAY AND WAS MARRIED FOR 6TS. WE KNW EACHOTHER FOR 10. 9 YEARS AGO I FOUND THAT HE HAD A BIG ADDICTION TO "PLAYBOY".  WHEN I FOUND OUT, I CONFRONTED HIM AND HE GOT RID OF THEM. FOR MANY YEARS AFTER THAT, I LOST MY TRUST AND FELT INSECURE AND JEALOUS. WE FOUGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING. IN THE LAST 2 YEARS HE DEVELOPED IMPOTENCE AND HAS HAD NO SEXUAL DESIRES. I ACCEPTED IT DURING OUR MARRIAGE TOGETHER AND REMAINED FAITHFUL. WE ARE JUST APART OVER A MONTH BECAUSE WE STAYED TOGETHER UNTIL WE SOLD OUR HOME. I FOUND OUT LAST WEEK HE RAN OUT TO BUY "FHM MAGAZINE" AND "STUFF". I CONFRONTED HIM WITH IT AND WANTED TO KNOW IF HE HAS NO DESIRE OR DRIVE WHY HE WOULD PURCHASE THIS. HIS REPLY TO ME WAS" THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH LOOKING". I HAD CONSIDERED THAT MAYBE SOMEDAY WE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER IF WE COULD WORK ON SOME OF THE ISSUES BUT RIGHT NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS SOMETHING THAT WILL EVER CHANGE. HE HAS NEVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO ME. THE OTHER PROBLEM IS HE CAN'T BE CONFRONTED ABOUT ANYTHING AND WON'T COMMUNICATE. I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM HANGING ON TO A MARRIAGE THAT OFFERS NOTHING. EVERYTIME I TELL HIM I DONT THINK WE SHOULD SEE EACHOTHER AGAIN, HE CALLS ME UP LIKE NOTHING. WE HAVE NOT BROKEN THE TIES AND SPEND EVERYDAY TOGETHER. SHOULD ONE OF US BE STRONG TO DO THIS? I DON'T KNOW WHY HE IS HANGING ON. HE CAN'T HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.   

  

IS IT NORMAL FOR A MAN WITH NO SEX DRIVE WHO HAS MEDICAL ISSUES TO STILL GO OUT TO BUY MAGAZINES?  YEARS AGO WHEN HE HAD A SEX DRIVE, I FOUND OUT HE WAS LOOKING AT "PLAYBOY".  IN THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS HE GOT RID OF THEM AND HE WASNT BUYING ANYTHING SO I BELIEVE. WE JUST RECENTLY GOT DIVORCED IN MAY BUT WE ARE STILL SEEING EACHOTHER EVERYDAY. I FOUND OUT JUST THE OTHER DAY HE WENT OUT AND PURCHASED "FHM MAGAZINE AND "STUFF".  I DON'T CONSIDER THEM PORN BUT MY QUESTION IS, WHY WOULD A MAN THAT HAS NO SEX DRIVE GO OUT OF HIS WAY TO PURCHASE THESE KINDS OF MAGAZINES?  I ASKED HIM AND HIS REPLY WAS"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH LOOKING"  HE HAS DESTROYED ALL MY TRUST AND ANY THOUGHTS OF EVER GOING BACK TO HIM AGAIN. I KNOW HE STILL LOVES ME BUT I NEED TO KNOW IF I SHOULD MOVE ON. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE.

We have still been going out to dinner and he calls me every day. I told him that it is not good emotionally for me and we should be aprt for a few months. I would like him to go for counselling and see if there is a chance for him to change.  I have been told all men look at mags and there is nothing wrong with it.  He claims he still loves me and misses me but I am afraid people don't really change. Why is it I can't move on when this is what I wanted for so long. Now that we are apart I am hating the idea of meeting anyone else. 

I am very attractive and know I wouldnt have a problem. I think it is just that I am so used to us being together that I am afraid I will jump into the wrong decision. He doesn't look at Porn so the mags he bought shouldnt really be an issue because he says there is nothing wrong with looking.  My other concern is can I live the rest of my life with someone who has no sex drive?  I have always blamed myself that I wasn't enough for him.  Should I try to see if there is a chance for change in the next 6mths or just let go? 

I still love him and it is not easy. 

Red 

YOU ARE RIGHT AND IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY BECAUSE HE WONT LET GO. 

THE PLAYBOY MAGS WAS 9 YRS AGO AND HE GAVE IT UP. HE GETS VERY ANGRY WHEN I BRING THAT UP BECAUSE IT WAS THE PAST. HE KNOWS IT BOTHERED ME AND I TOLD HIM HE MADE ME MISTRUST HIM AND I FELT BETRAYED.  SINCE THAT TIME DURING THE MARRIAGE HE HAS BEEN TOTALLY FAITHFUL TO ME. WE HAD OTHER ISSUE WHICH IS WHY WE DIVORCED. THE ONE WAS I AM VERY JEALOUS AND ALSO CONTROLLING. I WAS ALWAYS SUSPICIOUS AND QUESTIONED EVERYTHING. HE HAS A TEMPER AND IS NOT COMMUNICATIVE.  IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS SINCE WE ARE APART, I MENTIONED COUNSELLING TO SEE IF WE HAVE ANY HOPE OR SHOULD WE MOVE ON. WE STILL LOVE EACHOTHER BUT IT IS HARD EMOTIONALLY FOR ME TO KEEP IN CONTACT WITH HIM.  WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON AND GET ALONG GREAT OTHERWISE.  I DON'T KNOW IF A PERSON CAN REALLY CHANGE. I THINK I AM JUST HOPING FOR A MIRACLE AND I WILL BE DISAPPOINTED. DO YOU THINK PEOPLE CAN WORK THROUGH THESE ISSUES WITH HELP?  SHOULD I BOTHER TO CONSIDER GOING BACK WHEN I WAS UNHAPPY FOR SO LONG?  WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO TRUST HIM AFTER THE PAST WITH THE MAGS OR WILL I ALWAYS THINK HE IS LOOKING AT THEM AGAIN?  B