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October 19, 2006, 3:09 pm PDT
10/19 Teacher Caught in the Act
Quote From: stratisfI understand what I am going to say is not the popular opinion, but I feel really strongly about it. I think that the biggest problem in these types of situations is labeling these boys as "victims". The same can be said for teenage girls in similar situations. I think that when we are talking about molestation... like a teacher molesting a minor, the age should matter less than sexual maturity. I think that everyone (including Dr. Phil) thinks way too much in black and white on this issue and ignores the many shades of grey.
I understand that I have these opinions because I do not have children, but when Dr. Phil calls an almost 16-year old boy a child, it really makes me feel uncomfortable and like he's being WAY to narrow minded. Personally, I was an early developer and was very precocious, and I worked at a Fortune 500 company when I was fourteen years old. I looked fully mature and acted mature as well. I lost my virginity when I was 14, to a boy my age. We dated for a year, felt that we were in love at the time, and when we were ready to have sex I went to the gynecologist and had an exam and went on birth control. I feel that I acted responsibly and maturely, even at age 14. I felt like an adult then, I had adult responsibilities, and I was as mature if not more mature than many adults. From the ages 16-17, I worked at a company where they only hired people 21 and up. They made an exception for me, but everyone I worked with, besides my boss, did not know my age. There were two co-workers that I almost had a relationship with, and actually, both of them knew I was 16. They were in their 20s. I don't think that there would have been ANYTHING wrong or weird about that. We were on the same level, it would have been something that I wanted to do (it would not have been forced on me), and I still don't view myself as a "child" back then. I really felt like an adult and I STILL feel like I was an adult. Even at 16.
At 16, I had a relationship with someone who was 27, but he thought I was older, because we were drinking in the same bar when we met... so I must have been at least the drinking age, and I lied about my age as well as having a fake ID. I still don't feel like a victim of anything, I chose to be with that person and pursued it, just like these boys pursued a relationship with their teachers and I think it is sad how society is now making them feel really bad and "dirty" for what they thought was really fun and acceptable at the time. I also grew up with a girl who developed breasts at 9 and had her period at 10 years old. She had older brothers who would take her out. By the time she was 13, she was hanging out with some older people, because they all thought she was older, and she willingly lost her virginity to a 20-something year old guy. I still to this day, don't find anything wrong with this situation, and neither does she. When you are on an even mental playing field, emotionally and maturity wise, I don't think there is an issue... and I don't think that AGE dictates when that is... I think there are many factors that go into sexual maturity besides age and I am disappointed that as a psychologist, Dr. Phil really overlooked that and didn't give it any consideration. Just so you know, that girl eventually went to college and is now in medical school and is fine. I dont view the guy she was with, or the guy I was with as sexual predators at all, and Im glad that they werent put in jail and that I wasnt made to feel a victim, when all I did was something I wanted to do and was ready to do. I do wonder, however, if things would be so okay for us if someone had stepped in and put these men in jail and made us feel like victims. We might then have doubted ourselves, our judgment, and really felt horribly, when we felt just fine in the first place about it.... just like these boys felt fine about it until there was some intervention from society telling them that they were a part of a perverse act. How do you think THAT is for development? To think that your feelings and the decisions you made were wrong... because the boys DID make the decision to sleep with these teachers, they were attracted to them and felt good. Why should we tell them that it is WRONG? What is wrong about it? Two sexually mature (meaning in physical development) people are attracted to one another and want to have sex. Who cares what the age of one is? It's not like we are talking about a child that hasn't gone through puberty... and it's not like we're talking about a teacher who said, "If you don't have sex with me, I'll give you a bad grade". They were consenting, and I just hate that somehow these teenagers cannot be consenting adults. Why can they have sex with each other all the time then and get pregnant? Why can they have sex with each other and cheat on each other without anyone going to jail? Should a 16-year-old girl go to jail because she cheated on her 16 year old boyfriend and he committed suicide because of the heartbreak? I dont think that the heartbreak that this boy experienced is any worse pain and suffering than if it happened with a girl his age. I think we should teach teens to be sexually responsible and mature at the RIGHT age, which is when their bodies start being ready and wanting to have sex.
I don't view these women as sexual predators. I similarly wouldn't view a 20-something-year-old man who was with a mature teen (meaning that their bodies are sexually mature... they have gone through puberty and LOOK like adults) as a sex offender.
In the history of the world and even of our culture, it has not been unusual, except in recent years, to view 14 year olds and up as adults. Many of them look sexually mature at that age and act it as well. Some 14 year olds are very immature... and as we saw, some 24 year olds (like that first lady) are VERY sexually immature and inexperienced. I mean, even movies in the 80s... like Fast Times at Ridgemont High had the older 20-something-year-old brother fantasizing and trying to get with the 16 or 17-year-old girl coming out of the swimming pool, flashing her breasts to everyone in the audience. Are men who find that exciting and want to have sex with her perverts? If so, we should lock up all of the male population.
Sorry that this was so long, but I am sick of hearing about this, and I think society is being really closed-minded, not seeing any shades of grey, and is causing more harm than the acts themselves by making such a big deal out of it. I agree with this "unpopular opinion"! I think Dr. Phil & most people are too close minded & even contradict themselves a lot of the time in regards to these situations. I believe that at 15, 16, 17, you are completely capable of consenting to a sexual relationship with someone, whether they're the same age or older. At those ages, I don't believe they're children & I HATE that people & the law calls it statutory rape if one of the people is fairly older than the other, because the whole meaning of the word "RAPED" is, being forced, not by your own will, not consenting, etc, so if the younger person IS consenting to the relationship it shouldn't matter, they shouldn't be called a "victim" because its NOT rape & the older person shouldn't be arrested, tried & put in jail. If the person did NOT consent, then its a crime! Also, people like to tell teens that they're not in fact a child anymore, they're old enough to make their own decisions & need to start acting like an "adult" but when it comes to something such as this issue, they turn around & say 'oh, you're only (insert age), you're a child, you don't know what you're doing, you don't understand what you're doing, etc.... thats how they contradict themselves. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS! I also HATE how people (parents, Dr. Phil, others) tell teens that they don't know what love is.... how do they know what and/or how they EXACTLY feel? The answer is that they DON'T! They think that just because they were that age once, that they automatically know what the teen(s) is/are feeling.... BULL! Things feel differently for everyone/every pairing, so I don't think anyone can REALLY say that they know how someone else feels. These women & men who have CONSENSUAL relationships with their students (or teens who are not their students) are NOT sexual predators! Before anyone asks if I'm a parent, no I'm not ,BUT I know in my heart of hearts that I would feel the same way if I was! People need to be a little more open minded & realize that these teens gladly consented.... also, some of the laws in this Country are seriously out-dated, completely outrageous & just don't make any sense. It's 2006 & there's PLENTY of worse things happening in this Country, we should be focusing more on them & less on petty things like this. Sorry, JMHO!
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