Messages By: rissa140

Well, thank you for saying my parents did a good job with me & not judging them, I appreciate that.

I agree that people should back up parents in protecting their children, but ONLY WHEN the child/teen is completely innocent & didnt do anything wrong. The teen from the story on the show however (and MANY more out there), is NOT completely innocent in what happened. 

And you're right, No, my mom didnt say I could go out on a date with that guy & she did watch me a bit more closely on the computer. However, I also know that IF I HAD, WILLINGLY, gone on a date with that guy, my mother would've also held ME PARTIALLY accountable in doing so, as a parent should.

The problem with some (not all, but some) parents is that they try to be friends first & parents second, when it should be the other way around (Parents FIRST, friend SECOND, if not THIRD). Parents are supposed to teach their children (especially teens/young adults) how to be responsible & hope that they will take that lesson (and any others) into complete adulthood, which when we get down to the core is something I think we all agree on... HOWEVER, if you (generally speaking) dont make them take any accountablity/responsibility for their WILLINGLY actions, specifically as a teen, where it IS NEEDED (like in this case with the girl), then they'll never really learn how to be responsible people & they'll continue to think that mommy & daddy will always fix things for them. And it shouldnt be that way. So YES, parents should protect their children, but NOT when they're in the WRONG.

The laws in this country are ridiculously twisted! Apparently a 15 year old who goes & KILLS someone is then supposed to know that those actions were wrong & be held accountable for it... BUT THEN, when it comes to someone of the SAME age (15) having CONSENSUAL sex with someone older, they're suddenly no longer capable of being responsible for their actions!? What sense does that make?

A 15 year old IS capable of consenting & people & the law need to realize that.

I agree with you in regards to boys & men being able to be raped, and that I too, believe those boys (from this scandal) were NOT raped, molested, etc. I think it was something they "cooked up" and/or fantasized about & it got out of hand. I'm in my early 20s & when I was in HS, I heard guys talking about how hot some of the younger female teachers were, all the time. And In my freshman & sophmore year when I was 14-15, I even had a huge crush on my male math teacher who was young (I believe he was 26 or so) & I used to talk to my friends about how hot I thought he was (I wasnt the only one who thought so). I knew that nothing could, or would, ever happen because he was my teacher, but I still fantasized about it. And he was even a more "cool & laid back" teacher, but NEVER crossed any inappropriate lines (it would've been around if he had).

I also agree with you about parents not disussing sexuality enough & about sexual activity in schools, to an extent. I highly believe that schools SHOULD be teaching SAFER SEX, AS WELL AS ABSTINENCE. I say this because... you (generally speaking) can teach/preach abstinance until you're blue in the face, but IF teens REALLY want to have sex, then more often than not, they're going to do it. And I believe that IF they do choose to have sex, then its better for them to at least have the knowledge about safer sex & hopefully they apply that knowledge when needed. I also believe that parents DO NEED to be willing to talk more openly & frequently about sex with their children. I mean, in today's society, kids/teens know more about the subject than their parents & more often than not, their parents aren't even the ones giving them the information... so some of it may be incorrect (unless they got it from Sex Ed/Health Class), which I think is more harmful (having the wrong information/facts).

I completely agree!

I also agree with those who say that it takes more than biology & money to be a parent. Anyone can be a biological parent, but it takes a committed, devoted & loving person to be an ACTUAL, ACTIVE parent! I've never known my biological father & when I was 9 years old, my mother started dating a man who she eventually married & became, not just a stepfather, but a DAD (which is what we call him, dad) to me & two of my younger siblings... they had a child together & he (my step-dad) did NOT treat me & my other 2 siblings any different than our youngest brother, his biological son.... In his eyes, ALL of us were HIS children (he passed away in February). He & my mom had a lot of problems, which then caused problems for both of our families.... they split up several times but always ended up getting back together because they genuinely loved each other. Still, he never treated us any different. The last time they broke up (before getting back together) they were talking about divorce, this happened around a couple years ago around this time of the year (the Holiday season) & when Christmas came around, he bought ALL of us kids presents.. so clearly, even if he & my mom had gotten a divorce, he would NOT have just said "to hell with HER kids", because we were HIS kids as well despite what biology says. Yes, this man (my dad) did some hurtful things to our family & himself at times, but he was/is still my DAD.

Another example... my aunt & her fiance'/common law husband (they've been together for more than 10 years) have 2 biological kids together & another child that he had with a woman when they were briefly on a break. In the very beginning, my aunt was extremely hurt because they were just taking a break, they weren't breaking up completely & she (my aunt) didn't want to be part of the baby's life because it was too hard.... HOWEVER, it turns out the baby's mother is totally unstable (she had another daughter who was taken from her & put in her father's custody... another man, not my uncle) & the baby was going to be put in foster care. My aunt then, being the more compassionate woman she is, told my uncle to do whatever he had to do to get custody of the baby, because that was her 2 daughters' sister & she didn't want her in foster care. They've had the baby since she was 6 months old, she's now 3 & she calls my aunt "mom", my grandmother "nana" & my mother & other uncle " auntie" & "uncle". Even though what my uncle did was wrong, my aunt welcomed that baby, cares for her & loves as her own child.

I guess my point is that, people need to think about the most innocent people in all these matters, THE CHILDREN! OK so, maybe men shouldn't be required to financially support children that aren't their's, specifically if they were lied to about the paternity, BUT, I do NOT think they (the men) should just completely give up & forget about the child(ren) that they've helped raise & have an emotional bond with. THAT in MY opinion is just devastating & WRONG.

I've read many posts about how irresponsible some women can be in regards to having unprotected sex. What I have to say is, WHAT ABOUT THE MEN'S IRRESPONSIBILITY???

YES, women need to be sure they're being safe & responsible, especially with the diseases out there & unwanted pregnancies... BUT SO DO THE MEN! If I remember correctly, it takes TWO people to make a baby. I'm tired of people saying and/or assuming that its only the woman's job to worry about contraception! It should fall on BOTH people, NOT JUST THE WOMAN (OR MAN)! If people CHOOSE to take those risks, then ALL PEOPLE/PARTIES should be prepared for all/any outcomes.

So we as women should be forced to be the only one's responsible just because we're the one's who get pregnant & they aren't??? I'm sorry but I think thats soo sexist & total crap! "Should" should be in EVERYONE'S vocabulary... I understand that unfortunately, it is not in eveyone's, but having said that, women AND MEN need to learn to be prepared for all possible outcomes. If someone should be forced to be responsible, it should be BOTH people, not just the woman because she's the one that gets pregnant!

Now, in my very first post/response in this particular discussion, I said it takes more than biology & money to be a parent, and I still stand by that... however, If men want to have sex, then they need to be just as responsible as us women are 'expected' to be! And if they aren't, then they need to be a REAL man & deal with the consequences. Like I said, it takes TWO to make a child! And should NOT fall on just one person.