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Messages By: sbruin98

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October 7, 2005, 10:29 am CDT

Convincing Husband to live on 1 income

My problem is that my husband and I are both successful in our fields and I NEVER thought that I would want to be a stay at home mom EVER.  However, after having the second in 2 years, I am really struggling with guilt at not being at home, the stress level of juggling a high-stress job that is commission only with managing the house.  And while my husband is GREAT, we have very little time together because EVERY weekend is spent doing chores that cannot be done during the week nights.   My husband just received a large raise that would more than keep us comfortable on 1 income, but where I was excited because I thought it would make the decision easier for me to stay at home, he sees it as a great opportunity to make more money.  We have no debts other than our house, and we have plenty of savings, so it is not as if we would suffer a lifestyle change going to one income, I am just worried that he won't support the decision and wonder where this new attitude has come from (since he married a work-aholic). 

Any advice on how to word my desire to stay at home without it sounding like I want to take the "easy-way-out" ? (I am thinking from a male perspective there) 

  

Thanks!  (sorry for such a long rant - this is my first post) 

Corrie 

 
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October 7, 2005, 10:33 pm CDT

No one has mentioned pumping?

I am a mother of 2 and I knew the importance of breastfeeding in terms of nutritional value.  Since I could hold and cuddle with my daughters all day long at home, I didn't feel the need to HAVE to feed by the breast when out in public in order to "bond".  In fact, I NEVER breast-fed in public because I simply prepared ahead of time by pumping enough bottles necessary.  In fact, I think it is a great idea to pump so that father's and grand-parents can get involved in the feeding process, and also so that the transition to the bottle is made MUCH easier.  Not to mention being able to take a break every once in awhile! 

Now, I know I wouldn't be able to get away with supporting a "never in public" stance, but I think that it takes 2 seconds to put a receiving blanket over a shoulder.  Women, we are masters of being discrete.  No need to flop a breast out in plain view.  If we can take our bras off with our shirts on, then we can breastfeed discretely and covered. 

  

Just my 2 cents. 

 
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October 8, 2005, 8:23 am CDT

No one has mentioned pumping?

I am a mother of 2 and breastfed for the NUTRITIONAL value of the breast milk.  I find it hilarious that there are mothers who think that physically attaching a baby to a nipple somehow bonds you more than a mother who chooses not to breast feed.   

And I am also surprised that no one has mentioned pumping?  I NEVER breastfed in public because I simply prepared ahead of time by pumping enough bottles.  Pumping also allows Daddy and Grandparents to be able to help in feedings (believe me, Grandma will be very happy if you pump because being able to feed their grandchild helps them bond as well).  Not to mention pumping allows you to wean to the bottle easier and also allows the mother a much needed "break" to take time out for herself while someone else feeds. 

I do not have anything against breast feeding in public.  In fact, I feel sorry for those mothers that do not pump.  I do, however believe that mothers (more than anyone) know how to be discrete about it and cover up.  If a woman can take her bra off with her shirt on, then breast feeding without exposing herself should be no problem. 

But again, we have got to stop arguing that breastfeeding somehow bonds a mother more than not.  It is offensive to those women who either could not breast feed or chose not to. 

  

And as for condoms in schools?  Sex education should be enough.  I was raised not that sex before marriage was a sin, but that I should never do anything in highschool that I did not want the entire student body to know about because they definitely would find out.  This worked because I knew about everyone elses sexual exploits through gossip.  I also was taught that since odds are that I was not going to be interested in any of these people 5 years from now, why waste my time and body on them now? 

I just think that handing out condoms will give those kids on the bubble, the push in the sexual direction.  Those that are already sexually active tend to also already have access to condoms.  Whether or not they use them is a different story. 

  

Those are my 2 cents 

 
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November 8, 2006, 5:15 pm CST

Sanjay's archaic and chauvinist ideas

When Sanjay ended the show with ...'In most other countries this is the norm and I would be expected to pay a dowry'  my jaw dropped. 

I am a college professor of Human and Regional Geography and throughout my studies, I have researched such societies and EVERY ONE OF THEM is in hot water with organizations such as Amnesty International and other Human Rights Organizations because of this type of perception of women as property. 

Of COURSE some men may not have the same feelings about buying a bride (in essence, what he is doing), however, if you were to ask ANY women in a free society if they would trade places with ANY women in areas of the world where this is normal, you would have 100 percent vehemently declining the offer.  Why?  Because in those societies, along with being bought as a bride by a much older man against their will, women also lack several basic human rights, such as equal access to education, professions, equal justice in the justice system, etc.

Why didn't Sanjay mention any of those lovely truths about countries where an older man paying a dowry for the selected teenage bride is accepted?

And the fact that there are desperate women  willing to give up their identity and future just to be a high-class hooker infuriates me to no end.  Didn't this 18-yr old have a mother to instill in her some ounce of self-worth?  And what does she think will happen when she starts to weather?  Sanjay will move on to the next 18 yr. old trophy.

Poor, ignorant girl.

-Corrie

 

 

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