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Messages By: betsypoo

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November 7, 2005, 6:55 am CST

you're right....you can't keep up .....

Quote From: mogawaii

I am a 38 year old who has a 36 year old brother that is the mooch.  Our mother passed away 22 months ago, before she died she asked me to look out for him.  "he is not as strong as you are" she said.  Well he has been living in my house for 14 months now, not working, he is attending technical college but has a year to go before he is finished.  He was injured on the job January  2001, and has not worked since.  Before mom died she gave him her entire social security check to pay his bills while she lived with me and I paid for everything.  I would not take her money because I wanted her to be able to spend it on herself, she only got $550.00.  I also helped him with bills so that he could stay in his apartment.  After mom died I just couldn't keep up the extra $1100.00 each month. 

  

I am now working 80-104 hours a week to stay even with the bills because of my brother.  I no longer have savings because I have spent it all on him.  If he doesn't stay with me he is homeless.  As his only living relative I can't just give him the boot but I also can't keep up the schedule I currently have.  Any suggestions? 

  

  

 Whose needs are being met? Your mom's? Did she not teach your brother how to be an adult, and THAT's why he's "not as strong as you"? You did not say what type of injury your brother has. It seems he's able to get his body out of his bed without assistance to attend a technichal college, good. Then he is also capable of getting at least a part time job. I did it, my husband did it,my kids did it, all when we were much younger than your brother. "Looking after " someone is different than devoting your entire being to them. You need to set some boundaries. 1. what would he do if  you(strong as you are) wind up disabled because of excessive work to provide for him? 2.What kind of living expenses ARE you providing, that you have to work that many hours? Are there others in the household as well? If not, you both need to look over your spending.3Have either you or him contacted social security, if his injury does not allow him to work, he is eligible for disability, which will provide for some of his living expenses. There are many programs available for the truly disabled, your brother needs to make contact. If he is unwilling or unable to make the effort, then You need to make a tough love decision, because from this perspective, you inherited Mom's 36 year old baby boy who may never choose to grow up unless he's forced to do so.
 

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