Messages By: jodiels

I have a problem ,I dont agree on the way my husband punishes our 17 month old daughter. I think he is to harsh. I tell him how i feel and he says well look at how she listens to me rather then you (She doesnt reallt listen to me very well) I an calm and nice and say things like "please stop dong that" or "thats not very nice of you to do tht" 

he says "ISABELLE WHAT DID I SAY I SAID NO. STOP DOING THAT NOW" or if she is in his way he will say"GET" R we just the opposite? an i too nice and he is too harsh? what can i do. 

I dont want my dauhter to be afraid of her dad. He really is a good caring dad. and he doesnt do this often only when she is misbehaving. 

PLEASE HELP 

I have been overweight all my life going from one diet to the next i did well for awhile and lost over 80lbs.  And then i got preagant with my son and quit smoking.  I went from 190 to over 300lbs.  I cant  belive that i have allowed my self to get this for.  I know that i need to get this weight off i cant do anything anymore it hard to keep up with my 18month old son.  Yet i keep putting it off and keep watching the scale go up and down.  I have thought about surgery but my family does not feel that i should do it.  I know that i need something to help i just cant get moved to get it off like before. 

I dont understand why my son should not be engh to want to lose the weight yet i cant seem to do it My dr has put me on phentermine hopeing that will give me the push that i need.   I am sure hopeing that it does because i can not affered to put on anymore weight. hopeing for the best. 

I have a five year old daughter who just started school this year.  She is an only child and has been excited about school for some time now.  The problem is that when she's anywhere I'm not - she acts up....bad!  She doesn't listen, doesn't follow directions well, is constantly out of her seat socializing and I'm getting notes sent home almost every day about her behavior.  She gets time out in the corner when she misbehaves and I explain to her what type of behavior is appropriate at what times.  For instance, I don't tell her she shouldn't be talking at school, I tell her that talking is only appropriate when the teacher calls on you, at recess and at lunchtime.  The funny thing is that she will admit what she did wrong and admit that she knew it was wrong and she will admit that she did it anyway no matter the punishment.  So I tell her that it's her choice and that if her choice is innappropriate, she will be punished ...BUT SHE STILL DOES WHATEVER she wants when I'm not around.  She has even been known to be mouthy and disruptive and she doesn't do that to me at home.  We have been going to as therapist and they want to diagnose her with oppositional-defiance syndrome and I don't even know what that means.  What do I do with her to get her to behave?  I am willing to do anything. 

I have been using positive motivation like books and educational tools and board games on good days but to no avail. 

What a great board... wish I had discovered it long ago!  My son is 9 yrs old and in 4th grade. He's one of those bright kids that zoomed through everything intellectually all his life... I'm not just bragging, I have a lot of experience with many children prior to having my own and now my husband and I have 6 children between us, so I can honestly say that THIS kid (my 9-yr-old) is the most naturally bright bulb-in-the-bunch, academically anyway! The other kids in our family all call him the "braniac", the grandparents refer to him as "studious", and he has always been that kid that the teachers just adore because he is simply a sponge for learning. Or should I say "WAS", until he seemed to lose his enthusiasm this school year. By 18 months, he was potty-trained. By 2, he was carrying on complete conversations and knew most letters of the alphabet. In preschool, he could read simple books, and he went into kindergarten spelling better than most can by the end of the year! He rarely studied for spelling tests, but almost always had 100% on his spelling tests all his school life. He rarely studied for any tests, because (as he would say) he just "knew" things. No, he wasn't a straight A student every time, but pretty darned close - and he didn't have to work very hard at it. I had no clue that his not having to study or work for his grades would eventually catch up... I never considered that he was assuming that everything is just supposed to come naturally for him. He took great pride in his outstanding performance all these years (not perfect, but VERY good work for a kid who never "needs" to study). Here we are now - in 4th grade. the New York State laws have changed so that they have buckled down on what is required of students, AND 4th grade is naturally tougher than K-3, as many children seem to struggle more with the workload of 3rd grade than in previous years. My son absolutely despises studying. His first (and only, thus far) report card this year showed grades that I never thought I'd see from him - C's and lower B's, very few high B's and no A's. This would be okay with my husband and I if our son were truly doing his best to attain those grades. Our 7-yr-old had a very similar report card, but worked very hard to achieve those grades, and so he was rewarded for his hard work. On the other hand, we knew (via communication w/the teacher) that our 9-yr-old was not trying. He wasn't handing in his homework half the time, he refuses to do scrap copies of any writing assignment, he procrastinates every project to the last minute, and even though he keeps an agenda every day, he would "forget" to bring home whatever he needs to study for a test.  Looking back, there were little signs in years past that should have clued us in to his "laziness"... such as he didn't want to do the first project he was ever assigned in 2nd grade. Getting him to do it was like pulling teeth.  He didn't like work, he'd breeze through homework because it was easy, but anything he had to actually put EFFORT into was very frustrating for him. He didn't want to be bothered and couldn't understand why A's just didn't fall into his lap as they had in the past. Last year he would forget parts of his homework at school and I'd drive him back to get them. We didn't discipling him beyond lectures in previous years because... welllll... how do you discipline an A and B student for forgetting his homework at school now and then?  This year, we've done everything... we've taken every single privelage away - Playstation, Gameboy, Computer, VideoNow (all of which he was only allowed on weekends originally, anyway). We most recently took away the TV. He does his homework willingly but half-heartedly. He knows we do not accept a "refusal" to do homework, but if we did, he probably would just "not do it". We have not taken away his twice-a-week basketball, because we strongly feel that he needs somewhere to channel his energy, esp in the Winters of WNY.  But we will if this report card does not show signs of improvement behind his true EFFORT to TRY harder to DO better. Even after all the privelages we have taken away, he still is procrastinating. He is still complaining excessively about scrap copies, to the point of stomping his feet about it like a toddler would! I keep in very close contact w/his teacher via email, and his teacher has shared that our son is handing in very sloppy work.. and still missing assignments half the time. His mistakes on his papers and school work are careless mistakes, obviously not something that he just doesn't understand. We have lectured, we have listened to his "excuses", we have taken things away, we have tried everything (minus spanking, which would make absolutely no sense to me to improve his grades!!!), and nothing is changing!  HELP...  I'm just looking for any input as to what my husband and I could change or do in addition to all we are already doing to "get through" and help him WANT to improve his grades, as I know the whole thing is that he is not accustomed to having to work/study to get self-satisfaction and impress the people around him with his shining stars/grades! I want him to feel that feeling again, but he doesn't even seem interested - or at least if he has to work for it at all.   ;)  Thanks in advance for all input given!