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Messages By: semiopaque

semiopaque
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October 8, 2005, 5:53 pm PDT

My 4 year old got caught showing her private parts to boys at daycare.....

 My spouse picked up our daughter at daycare the other day and the daycare teacher informed him that our 4 year old had been hiding behind the fridge door with a little boy showing him her "private parts", we handled it with giving her gentle instruction not to show her "private parts" to anyone except us -- So, the next day comes along and my spouse comes home with our daughter and again, another report of her trying to show the same boy again in the bathroom, and again to a bunch of kids in the play area... twice in one day.... so, again, i had the gentle discussion with her about not showing her privates to others, she agree'd, and now it's a wait till monday to see if it worked... does anyone have any advice??? She's our first and this is my first time in this situation... is there anything that has worked for anyone else in this situation?
 
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semiopaque
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October 13, 2005, 4:20 pm PDT

LET BRANDI HEAL WITH HER FAMILY, AND LET DANIEL REST IN PEACE!!!!!

The boy was abusive, thretened to kill himself if she left him, then thretened to kill her and her brother if she left him.... now to me that sounds like a pretty mentally unstable or emotionally confused boy, so it would make perfect sense that he'd throw himself infront of this moving vehicle to prove his point, weather he intended to die or not is a different story -- I once had an ex who thretened to kill himself if he left me, and one night i found him writing up his suicide letter with a hand full of pills, now in the end i figured these pills were for effect to make me feel guilty and take him back and when it didn't work he tossed them in his mouth and ran away causing me to phone the police.... Now, in the end, when we eneded up in court for custody of our daughter the Judge said something that kinda stuck with me, he said that when a person is about to commit suicide they are in the clearest state of mind they are ever..... -- Now with this case, I beleive this boy knew what he was doing, I truely beleive Daniel threw himself infront of the car for effects weather or not he'd intended to die or not... His family is so filled with hate and want for revenge that they can't see past it... I've also learned that most parents can't see their children for who they truely are, most parents beleive their child is an angel and usually cannot beleive that their child would make such a decision, or done such a thing to someone else....

Daniels parents need to forgive so they can live on, and let Brandi and her family to live on and heal... there is an aweful lot of healing that needs to happen here it's not even funny, there's way to much anger and blame here...

LET BRANDI HEAL WITH HER FAMILY, AND LET DANIEL REST IN PEACE!!!!

(Sorry for the ramble.... It takes a bit for me to get my idea's out... )
 
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semiopaque
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October 13, 2005, 4:33 pm PDT

I wish you peace Crystal....

Quote From: jeepinmama

 What are you thinkig are you crazy. My Brother never mentioned in his life that he was going to kill her or her brother let alone him self. He had full scolarships to school and football. You really dont know what you are talking about  cause that is what her family said  All you guys go by is what brandi and her family says and that is bull. We didnt get a chance to tell the truth. IT WAS NOT SUICIDE 

 

 

 

                                                                   CRYSTAL (DANIELS SISTER) 

Because you cannot see past your pain, hatred and want for revenge, you would love to truely beleive that your brother would not commit suicide, I mean I wouldn't want to beleive it either but the only way you will ever hope to even think of the truth weather it be your reality or Brandi's family's reality, you will never find out because you can't see past the tip of your nose.... I suggest therapy, seriously.  Weather your right, or Brandi's right your wish for revenge will never allow you to see the truth...  I hope you find peace one day Crystal, I honestly do.  I feel for you, but please release yourself so you can stop living in your brother's painful memory and start remembering the good things about him, and smiling about his life instead of crying about it and let him rest in peace. 
Blessed Be
 
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semiopaque
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October 14, 2005, 1:57 pm PDT

10/13 Cheerleader Scandal

Quote From: yourangel9

How can you say noone would jump in front of  a moving vehicle? Do you not know anyone who has committed suicide? Well, I have and noone thought my best friend Chad would have put a gun to his head. Or my other friend Brian would hang himself with a sheet.  There was a women in Des Moines Iowa that jumped off a bridge above the interstate with cars going 65-80 mlp. She did that intentionally to kill herself.  Are you saying that Daniel couldn't have done that because of common sense not to jump in front of a moving car?  Well common sense flies out the window when a situation gets as heated as it supposedly did.  Think about it.
 I completely agree!!!
 
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semiopaque
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October 14, 2005, 1:58 pm PDT

10/13 Cheerleader Scandal

Quote From: yourangel9

How can you say noone would jump in front of  a moving vehicle? Do you not know anyone who has committed suicide? Well, I have and noone thought my best friend Chad would have put a gun to his head. Or my other friend Brian would hang himself with a sheet.  There was a women in Des Moines Iowa that jumped off a bridge above the interstate with cars going 65-80 mlp. She did that intentionally to kill herself.  Are you saying that Daniel couldn't have done that because of common sense not to jump in front of a moving car?  Well common sense flies out the window when a situation gets as heated as it supposedly did.  Think about it.
 100% Agree'd!!!!
 
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semiopaque
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October 14, 2005, 3:38 pm PDT

Seeing from the outside in is never comparable to the inside out....

I once was in a mentally abusive relationship where my partner had cheated on me for 6 months (he'd done alot more then cheated, but I will not go into detail) straight and all the signs were there, but I was blind to look at them because all i wanted was to hold onto the hope that it wasn't happening, and that my 6 month old baby at the time, would be able to keep her father.... after my ex partner had left and come back numerouse times, spending money outside the home on himself and his "friends" and left the bills to build, appoligizing repeatedly for things he'd done... Altho he'd never once, and still doesn't admit to having an affair... My family and friends watched me deteriorate and become depressed and slipping ferther and ferther away ignoring reality... Thankfully, finally one day something snapped and I saw everything so clearly thanks to my friends and family, I left him because I'd decided that my daughter and I deserved a better life, and my daughter needed me happy to take care of her and keep her happy more then she needed her parents together...

We are doing awesome now, I am way stronger then I could ever be.. My daughter is happy, and so am I.. There is life after abuse weather it be physical or mental and all I can say is if your in it, get out of it... If you have a child in it think of how it will affect your child/children, are they better off with or without???  And loved one's, watch them, they are your biggest cue if you can't see through the fog.

I commend those with the strength to step back and step out when needed, I truely do. Hope can be used in many ways, my advice, don't use it to make your abusive partner what you want him/her to be, use it to live your life and be happy and taking care of yourself and family. :)

Blessed Be
 
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semiopaque
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October 14, 2005, 3:43 pm PDT

10/14 ‘Kick ‘em to the Curb!’

Quote From: elle474

my husband plays NASCAR every waking moment he is at home.  He does not drink, He does not abuse me or my two boys, He doesn't do ANYTHING, but play NASCAR.  He is emotionally bankrupt.  I have finally decided in the last two months that I won't give a damn either!  I do him exactly how he does me.  I ignore him, I only answer when spoken to, I don't tell him good night, I just go to bed, etc.  Makes me feel better, and the days more bareable.  It hurts so deep down it makes you sick.  I know exactly how you feel.  I have been married for 15 years and I have given it all for ALL of those 15 years.  The other people who responded do not understand how it feels to be totally shut out of your husband's life.  On one hand you feel selfish for feeling this way, and one hand you "think" you should be grateful to have a working husband, not a bum.  But you are like roommates, and it is not what you want for your life, or your children's. 

Good Luck, I have no answers, if I did, I would definitely try it.  Just know I know EXACTLY how you feel.  You are not alone. 

 I just want to say one thing I feel I need to say, I am not criticizing you for your decision but please keep in mind that your children learn what they see, there may be no abuse but ignoring eachother and only hearing eacfhother teaches your children that that's how a man should treat a woman and a woman should treat a man in any situation........

Blessed Be
 
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semiopaque
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October 14, 2005, 3:53 pm PDT

10/14 ‘Kick ‘em to the Curb!’

Quote From: burntherd

Well, to start off with, I have been married for 16 yrs....we have 2 sons...15 and 12. My husband and I married when he was 19 and I was 22. We were "in love"....or so I thought. I soon got pregnant and had my first son not even a year after we got married. It was only then that I found out that my husband was jealous of our son. He has been this way my childs whole life...and he makes it well known. He withholds love from him...he criticizes him...anything to make him feel less of a human. He does not treat our youngest son this way....at least no where near as much or as bad....he is also jealous of my relationship with my oldest son. My husband has cheated on my twice that I know of....the first time was about 10 years ago....the 2nd time was this past may june and july....well i found all the phone calls on my phone bill where he was calling an "old school friend".......so i have kicked him out twice...and each time he crys to me and begs me to let him come back...and i do...and then the pattern returns....He's ususally always in a bad mood...he works 3rd shift and usually goes 1-2 months with no days off...he is a workaholic so to speak i guess.....so i know he's tired but that does not excuse the behavior in my opinion. He has been to several therapists...been on many different medications...which he doesn't stick to. He admits he has a problem...admits he knows what he's doing when he's mean to me and the boys.....he is just an unhappy person and wants all of my attention all the time. We are currently in therapy together now....we just started this week. I have thought long and hard about this and don't know why i seem to feel sorry for him...i think it's because his parents are the one who raised him this way and treated him the exact same way...i try to make him see what he is doing to our kids....especially the oldest as he is already showing signs of being the same way.....I would just like an opinion here as to what you may think of this situation. Thanks for any replies.....
 Your children learn what they see as you can see in your oldest son, and in my opinion to let anyone treat your child that way is sad, I really mean no offence.  My thoughts on this is you cannot change someone who doesn't want to change, and it doesn't sound like he want's to change, not for you, not for your children who suffer from this. Children mold their relationship veiws around their parents, and i guess the question here is would you want your sons treating other women like this?  Or being treated like this?  He won't see till he wants to... Save yourself and your children, show them how a woman should truely be treated, and how a man should truely treat a woman and vica versa...
Blessed Be, I hope this helps.
 
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semiopaque
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October 14, 2005, 5:35 pm PDT

I agree

Quote From: iresqu2

  

Someday,  possibly with the HELP of Dr. Phil,  High School Freshman will be required to take Marrige 101, followed by Parenting 101 in Sophmore year, followed by Crisis Resolution in Junior year and finally  Human Psychology 101 in Senior year. This will equipt future generations to follow, with a firm foundation on LIFE 101  !   I was married young. I had no clue how to handle any difficult situation because most people I knew had dysfunctional families too. There was no resource for wise wisdom to draw from.  This has been my life long goal to somehow get into the high school cirriculum program,  "Life Lessons 101".  Is there any doubt in anyones mind why the divorce rate is so high ?  Why so many children are neglected and abused  ?  Why the rate of depression is at an all time high ?  It's because nobody knows what on earth to do !!!!!    It's that simple. 

  

Of all educational courses, " Life 101" should be paramount in teaching young teens how to manage their lives, how and when to raise healthy children and  basic psychology to interact positively with spouses, employers and their own children !   Please Dr. Phil,  help bring this idea to successful fuition. The world WILL BE a much better place for all,  if we had been given the proper tools to achieve a happy, rewarding  Life !      

  

My definition of success is ( because you always ask that )   "Success"  is leaving this world a better place because I have helped just one person have a better life !  My love counted. 

Thanks teacher !   You have touched many lives, keep up the momentum, but please add a lasting 

impact on society, teach this all,  in school ........Patty 

  

 I agree, Dr. Phil, this is a truely awesome idea!!!!!!!!  I third her motion!!!!!

 
 
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semiopaque
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June 2, 2006, 3:53 pm PDT

My personal opinion

 Ya know, I'm watching the mother who has the "sailor's mouth" - and honestly I see no real issue with her behaviour, she's a grown adult with a sassy personality.  A person is an individual defined by their own background and history, and if someone tried to change who I am because it made them uncomfortable then I'd feel insulted really because a person should love you for who you are, and if it's a matter of a family member then that's life!  We can't mold everyone to what we see as right because like flowers, there are no two people exactly alike.  You can't please everyone at once

As for Kim and Krista - they married them and as far as I am concerned they are boys being boys, and they are who they are.  No matter what, your spouse is going to not be perfect and we just accept them for them (my husband isn't perfect, but I love him dearly!!!)

We can't change other's to fit our view.
 
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