Messages By: wynston

My sister-in-law had the surgery a few years ago.  I really don't know what her weight was before and after.  I know she attended pre-counseling and initially lost at least 50-75 lbs.  That's it.  She is still a very large woman.  She is 40.  She is very active (biking and swimming).  Her diet sucks!!  She eats a lot of junk food.  When your stomach is so small, priority must be given to food with vitamins, minerals, and protein.  I think she is deeply resentful of always being defined by her weight.  She has been overweight and obese since she was a young child.   I thinks she feels like she has been mistreated due to her weight and,  while she might like to be smaller and healthier, it angers her to "bend to the will" of a society that has unfairly judged her.  She has to confront her own inner conflict if she is ever going to succeed at losing the weight.

A woman who chooses to give birth to a child is not required to parent that child. Under some circumstances, choosing adoption is the most loving and generous decision that can be made for that child. There is no single, simple solution to this problem. I agree that under many circumstances men must be held accountable for their part in creating a child. But, painting every woman who chooses to raise her child as a victim isn't accurate either. Children's needs must be considered first and foremost by BOTH men and women. We only control ourselves...we can't make other people want parenthood. I can't imagine the pain of having an "identified" father for the purpose of financial support and knowing that he has no interest in acting as a parent. Any mother who sets up that circumstance for a child is behaving selfishly. Adoption might be a painful choice for the woman, but it might be the least painful for the child. Responsible people put children's needs ahead of their own.