Messages By: druidcanuk

Where the problem arises in my own experience is with your [or others] definition of a 'public place'. A movie theatre, for instance, is a public place. If your child's screaming interferes with my own ability to hear the movie, then I think it is well within my rights to complain. If you don't want me to complain to you, then I will complain to the management. Which would you prefer? I don't care either way, I just want to hear the movie.  

Church is also a public place and I am very tolerant of children's need to make some noise, so parents who give children toys and snacks in the pews don't bother me at all. However, if you allow your child to crawl under the seat and poke at the toes peeping through my sandals, then I will object. I promise not to kick your child, but I am likely to bend down, stare him/her straight in the eye and say, "I am listening to Father right now. He is talking about God. I find it hard to listen to him when you are poking me. Please go poke Mommy or Daddy instead. Thank you."  [Children seem to respond to this by quietly crawling away FYI.]  

Another public place is the school system. If my child is attempting to learn math facts, then I have to admit that your child's screaming or running is likely to interfere with that. Since the purpose of school is to educate children in the approved curriculum, I would expect that someone is going to interfere with your child's disruptive behaviour.  

That's life, you know? I don't get to run screaming through public places as an adult, and somewhere along the line children have to learn that they can't either. If you are teaching them that, I applaud you. If you aren't, what's stopping you?  

Oh my yes! My son once pulled up his shirt and pretended to feed his teddy bear. Okay, we did a little explaining about mommies and daddies at this point, but he had no idea that children [or even baby teddies] could drink from bottles. Why would they when Mama could lovingly feed them the food that God provided?  

Exactly. Even though I've been taught to be polite and respectful of other's sensitivities, I think it's time to get over this one.  

Women have babies. Women nurse babies. We should celebrate that fact, not try to hide it or be offended by. Offended? Offended?!?!?! Why are we upset by the sight of our most precious citizens being nourished in the absolutely best way that can be done.  

Why are we offended by mothers lovingly caring for children?  

It's the whole way we treat mothers and children in this society that is the problem - not breastfeeding. Mothers and children are the foundation of our society and should not be the periphery - not sent to bathrooms to eat, not denigrated as 'non working women'.  

Let's learn to celebrate women with children! Let's learn to honour them. Then maybe we'll ask the breastfeeding woman to sit in the best spot at the restaurant while the rest of us beam approvingly - as well we should! 

And if one is dining with a friend or partner, simply have that person stand in front of you for the few moments it takes to get the baby properly situated. Once my children were nursing, you saw less of my breasts than you do in my summer blouses.  

I have to say that in a private home I was always careful to ask the host/hostess if they preferred me to leave the room when I nursed my child. Sometimes, particularly with an older host/hostess,  they would make a bedroom or sitting room available to me for nursing. That's fair, I think - their house, their rules.  

My mama always told me that before I married any man I should look carefully at how he treats his mother. It was good advice. Mothers teach sons how women should be treated - or how women will put up with being treated.  

I married a man who treats his mother well. We've been married 26 years and still hold hands when we go for walks together. I look forward to seeing him. When he's working in the evening [I work all day] he'll leave me little notes to let me know he's thinking about me.  

I've given my daughter the same advice. I hope she takes it. Any woman who is looking for a potential mate might want to check out how the man responds to the other significant women in his life. You might think you can change him - but I haven't seen a lot of women having success with this.  

And remember mothers out there - the way you let your son treat you is really important. Someday he may have a wife of his own, and you'll be the one who taught him how that woman deserves to be treated.   

Children are so individual, and it's hard to generalize from one case to another, but you could try what worked for my daughter.  

She was and still is very much a 'girly girl'. She loved pretty things. So I took her out to a department store and let her pick out the prettiest, floweriest, frilliest panties she could find. They were panties that any little girl would love. 

Then I let her wear the panties without a diaper and said, "But if you wet in the panties, they'll be dirty and you'll have to take them off and put your diaper back on so I can wash the panties." 

There was NEVER an accident in those frillies! I don't know if I scarred her emotionally and some people would say bribing is a bad thing, but it worked like a charm - no fear, no tears, no trauma, just one happy happy girl in frilly purple panties and a big smile. I have that picture in my heart to this very day.  

Excellent post. I have a non-traditional family structure too, in that my husband is just as involved in housecleaning and childrearing as I am. We share chores and often do chores together just because it's more fun that way.  

I do admit though, that in our house, I don't do much of the vacuuming. In fact, I wasn't aware of how little vacuuming I did until one day, when my daughter was about 4 she said, "When I grow up I'm going to vacuum in my house." My son looked at her gravely and said, "Oh I don't think girls are ALLOWED to vacuum. In my house I'm going to own the vacuum, just like Daddy."  

My children are teens now and they are good kids. Neither of them seems to have suffered from the loving child care they got when Mommy was at work. If anything they learned to appreciate other family members, like their great aunt and uncle who were their usual caregivers. They developed relationships with neighbours and family members through their caregivers and they remember those days fondly. Good childcare is not a jail sentence for the child to endure while Mommy is away - done right, good childcare gives children additional resources, viewpoints and people who love them than children in traditional families may find.  

Speaking as a teacher, I implore you, "PLEASE STOP PACKING HIS SCHOOL BAG!"  

I'm not trying to be mean. I love involved and caring parents. They make my job easier. Your child can be in my class anyday. BUT, the day will come when he will need to be responsible for his own things, for his own school work, for his own library book. If you've always done those things for him, if you've been his 'memory', then he'll have no reliable system to do this on his own.  

So off he goes to university and he doesn't return his library books on time, and he doesn't pay his rent on time, and he doesn't remember when his assignments are due because you aren't there.  

Love him dearly - and I can tell you do - but teach him ways to love and care for himself too. He's got to take over the reins someday. Best that you teach him gently how to take that responsiblity before he leaves the stable door.