Messages By: girls3boy1

Hi.  I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.  Has Dr. Phil ever done a show on bedwetting?  I sure wish he would.  My son will be 9 in January and he also wets the bed EVERY night.  It is so exhausting. I have three daughters.  One is only a baby, but the other two have never had any trouble with bedwetting.  I know it's more common in boys, but I feel so badly for him.  His sisters (one older, one younger)  have not wet the bed since they were 2, but  he still does every night.  I just pray that he stops wetting, before the baby is potty trained.  I know that will make him feel even more humiliated.  I don't punish him or ridicule him for the problem, but I have tried everything else... waking him in the middle of the night, limiting fluids, rewarding him if he could stay dry... none of it helps.  We even bought one of those alarms.  Doesn't shock him, just goes off whenever he starts to wet and is supposed to wake him up.  It doesn't wake him up.  It wakes me up, if I use a baby monitor so that I can hear it go off, but then it is a true battle to try and get him out of bed and to the bathroom.  He sleeps so deeply that I cannot get him awake most of the time.  We have lived out of the country for the past few years as missionaries, and pull-ups or Goodnights were not available there (3rd world country).  So, we just had to make due with soaked sheets and pjs EVERY morning.  Now that we are living back in the States, my husband wants him to wear Goodnights.  My son thinks it is way too embarrassing to wear what he thinks are "diapers" and isn't reassured by the thought that "lots of kids wear these".  He'd rather wake up soaked, than to wear them.  My husband thinks I should force him to wear them until he outgrows this.  I don't know what to do, or how to best avoid damaging his self-esteem in this whole issue.   I'm also so tired of the laundry and the smell...  Any ideas, anyone?

My family and I lived in Belize as missionaries for a couple of years.  There are several Mennonite groups there and they have different degrees of strictness in their beliefs.  The most modern of the groups is a settlement called Spanish Lookout, and they actually own vehicles, have paved roads, electricity, etc.  They actually live better and were better educated than most of the native Belizians, that's for sure!  The group that Michael was hiding with is one of the more strict groups, but their living conditions are still better than the average Belizian.  As for medical care down there, it is not easily available, and you have to be very careful. There are many quacks, or doctors who are simply not well educated or too overwhelmed to provide decent care.  But again, the Mennonites down there usually have access to better care than the average Belizians.    

The issue isn't whether or not the Mennonite way of life is a good way of life, or whether or not slipping back into the 1800's style of life would be nice.  (Belizian women work extremely hard, Mennonite or not, and I was very glad for some of the modern American conveniences that I took with me.)  The real issue here is that one parent has no right to deprive the other parent of their children, or to deprive the children of their other parent, unless there is a true safety issue.  Michael should have stuck around and dealt with the custody issues in a legal way, rather than taking the matter into his own hands.  God doesn't honor breaking the law of the land (unless the law clearly goes against the Bible, which in this case it clearly did not).  His children were not in true danger and he clearly broke the law.  However, I do not think that these girls will reconcile easier with their mom, if she presses charges and takes joy in his punishment.  They are obviously very attached to their father, and so hurting him will only hurt them.  They need time to reconnect with her, and she needs to be accepting of who they are, who they want to be, and of the relationship that they have with their father.  They need to work together to come up with a compromise, in order for the good of these girls.  Surely any mom would be willing to give up things like tv (or just have one in her own bedroom, but not out where it bothers the girls) etc. (nothing too extreme, just make some concessions for their comfort) in order to rebuild a relationship with her children?  She seems too intent on throwing them back into the modern world, intent on sending them to public school, etc.  Let them home-school instead, as a compromise.  There are many excellent curriculums available where the girls could still be getting a wonderful education in their own homes without the public high school setting that they are clearly uncomfortable with.   I think both parents need to put their own selfish desires aside and be willing to make some concessions and compromises for the happiness of their children.  And the children's wishes should certainly be taken into account.  They are old enough to have some say.