Messages By: ascanbe19

I watched the show and was set back by how this woman's husband approached her in the possibility of making changes to make him a "happier" husband.  Personally, I have been the perfect wife - sexually please my spouse, homemaker - all meals were made from scatch, dinner at 6pm every evening and a home kept spotless, raise the kids (his (2) & my (2)), go to work mom, while putting myself last all in the name of love.  I weighed 125 lbs.   I never asked him to change a light bulb or cut the grass, I would just let it go til one of the kids needed extra money and pay them for the work.  I was having auto problems, I would save up the money needed to get my car fixed.  I sent my daughter and son to a boarding school nearby at no cost to myself nor my husband because he and his children were always in conflict with them 

Admist of running the kids to band practice, sporting events, out to visit friends and medical appointments, my husband decided he need more than I was giving.   

He had an accident putting him down for near four months, I rose to the moment and took up a second job to make our lifestyle continue, working an additional 35 hours a week.  By this time in our lives our children who I taught to make meals and clean after themselves missed not having a taxi.  When he returned to work ofter being home those few months, he approached me with the reasoning that I was a bad mother & wife and didn't deserve his supporting me.  I was truely hurt.  I tried to find out what brought on such a drastic change other than the fact we were having problems with his son not wanting to attend college and lay around the house all day chatting online and recieving money from woman online.  This was followed by his daughter trying to manipulate both he and I.   

I asked for marriage counseling and he made every excuse not to go.  It was then I found out he was also keeping a chat online with three different adult sites.  I confronted him about the sites and he lied and said they weren't his, I had created them in his name.  At this point he had been back at work 3 1/2 months (March).  I swollowed hard and agreed, we didn't need to be together, we had different views of rising children and what marriage were about.  He began telling me he was moving out of our house and I needed to move so that he could sell the house.  In April, I retained a lawyer and requested his financial information and he put me off.  I feared for my financial future, everything I had was with him.   I kept trying to talk him out of moving out.  By July he started moving things out while I was at work - yes, i am still working the two jobs, only change is that I work 5 to 25 hours a week.  In August, he and his daughter completed the move before I come home from work.  I continued my life working both jobs.  When I spoke to my husband about completing the divorce, he told me he had given me everything and I needed to move out of his house so he could sell it.  Non the less, he moved back in around November while I was at work.  Told me I was the one wanting the divorce, not him, moved his daughter back to her mothers and everything was suppose to go back to like it was before.   You know, I'm the women, the crazy one, the one with hormonal issues,right? 

Before I was a model wife and mother, I now weight approximately 160 lbs which is a size 8 verses the 6, I wore for many years.  I probably should be bigger after everything.  Well, I no longer have a nice warm dinner waiting, sandwiches work real well.  As for laundry, he showed me he was more then capable of taking care of his laundry while he was living on his own and I thought he shouldn't stop his new found ability.  He helps with washing dishes, cleaning floors, and bathrooms.  There are ethnic meals he'd like me to make for him, but I have told him they are a thing of the past.  Our children are all grown and gone.  Our finances are still kept seperate but I know now, I did what I thought was right.  I wonder when he will get another wild hair.   

So, I guess, not every man deserves a doting wife...... 

My heart goes out to the mother who lost her son.  My heart goes out to the parents of the girl who was convicted of the other childs death.  As the girl has been processed by the judicial system - she has been judged, we do not need to keep judging her.  She will live with this experience for the rest of her life. 

I lost a son fifteen years ago.  I beat myself for his death over a six to seven year period.  I was angry, and avoided people because I knew I I truely believed it was wrong he had been taken from me.  I had two other children but, he was my youngest.  The day of his death my mother told me, "remember, you have two other children who need you".  A woman at work said to me a few weeks later that God took him from me to protect me.  I became angered because children are innocent and should never die.  In the end, I realized, none of us ever expect to lose a child.   

One day a friend who's life I dropped in and out of said , "Have you stopped beating yourself for his death, you know, it is time".  The day I let go, a ton of weight was removed from shoulders.  I look back at those years and now see how selfish I was.  My sons soul could not rest because I was angry holding on to him trying to reason  why it was not his time to go.  Yes, I know he will never graduate high school or college, get married, give me grandbabies, but I have two other loving children who will do some, if not all, of these thing.  These children were so strong during my selfish pain.  To this day, they are the most giving people I have ever known.  I wonder how I kept myself from making them angry people too.   

To both parents, don't allow the children you have at home to become filled with the anger and discontent you are feeling for you lost child.  The children living in your home ought to be happy - they will have a life time to deal with anger and discontent as adults, don't encourage bitterness and keep your children beautiful for as long as you can.