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Messages By: sellingen

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October 10, 2005, 9:23 pm CDT

Online Dating

Quote From: golden1

     I see so many ads for on-line dating services--how safe are they? I mean, how do you know you're getting the real article, and not just someone looking for a sucker--or a victim? Parents warn their kids about on-line predators; what protection do single adults have? Sorry, don't mean to sound like a doom-sayer.
First off, this is my first post here.  Just thought I would let that be known!

Online dating services, to people who arent familiar with them, are often a mystery from how they work to how legit they are.  When you go onto one of the sites its not a 1 2 3 process.  You don't just contact the person and then meet up.  Usually people chat online for a while, then begin phone conversations and then take it from there.  Yes I know I just mentioned 3 steps there...but it doesn't all happen in an afternoon.  If it does, then a "sucker" as you put it was probably on one end of the deal.  People can easily lie on their profiles, post old pictures from their skinny days and make themselves out to be someone they aren't.  I suppose one thing that separates the adults from most children is the common sense and "gut feeling" when they meet someone.   If you chat with someone for a long time there are certain things that can give away a predator from the beginning.  If they seem to rush into the "relationship", always talking about meeting, asking personal questions early in the meeting process, things like that.  You will know when something is suspicious or just not right when it happens.  On online forums, not nessesarily just dating forums, it's good to look at their previous posts, sort of get to know them before you actually talk.  It gives you insight into their personality.  If you have seen their picture and arent sure if they are who they say they are tell them to take a picture of themself holding a piece of paper with their username from the site writen on it, that way you know it isnt a picture someone has stolen off of another site or something like that.  if they really want to get to know you it shouldnt be too hard to convince them to take the picture.  One good thing to invest in would be a webcam!  if the other person has one as well, then great!  you can see each other in real-time.

   the thing to remember though is that you have to use your best judgment, and only do what you are comfortable with.  in my opinion real dates can be just as dangerous.
 
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October 10, 2005, 10:30 pm CDT

Homeschooling

 Last year I used switched on school house...it was okay.  Im a kid whos into computers, and the way the software worked just wasnt sufficient for me, i constantly had to deal with glitches and software problems, and i seemed to know more than the tech support did.  it seems like many christian parents homeschool their children because either they dont want their kids exposed to the public schools or they want things taught withing their belief system.  Switched on school house appeals to those parents needs and wants.  My issue with the program was that i didnt want to constantly have to read through religious material during a subject that isnt even close to dealing with the bible.  i had to learn creation science for probably the first few months, and history was all religious history.  i have nothing against religious people, but i personally didnt enjoy studying something that was irrelevant to the class subject.  switched on school house needs to have seprate softwares for parents who arent homeschooling their kids for religious reasons.

i started homeschool because of my health problems.  i had been dealing with an irritable bowel so i would constantly feel sick and miss school.  last school year was my first year home schooling(9th grade).  The highschools new attendance policy was that if you missed 10 days you lost your class credits for that symester...i can miss 10 days like its nothing.  asthma, allergies, and of course flu season.  so with homeschool we(my mom and i) kept the same schedual as a public school would have, 5 day school week, weekends off, and obviously hollidy breaks.  because of my displeasure with the program i had last year my mom created my curriculum this year.  needless to say its better. 

one thing to make sure of is that your kids are happy with the homeschool idea.  because the worst thing you can do is have your kids be as miserable as they would be in an actual classroom.  and most importantly make sure that they have a social life.  i got so sick of being at home after being sick all of 8th grade, and homeschooling and still being sick in 9th grade.  Now, in 10th grade,  im taking karate. it gives me something to look forward to every week and gets me out of the house.  next year will be my last year of homeschool, i can graduate 1 year early because i will have enough credits.  The best advice i can give is to do as much reading and research about homeschool as you can before you start, it will go much more smoothly.
 
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October 10, 2005, 10:44 pm CDT

School Issues

 My 8th grade year was the last year in the public school system, health problems being the main reason but there were many, many more.  First thing i must say to the parents:  if your child tells you "this teacher is out to get me", dont just blow it off, you would be supprised how many situations that this is a fact.  Nowadays a lot of teachers just teach for the paycheck, not for the passion of teaching.  that was the case at my school.  I have only had a few good teachers in the years that i attended public school, the rest just didnt really give a damn.  sometimes parents will go and sit in on a class to see what their kid is complaining about...do you really think the teacher or the students will act the same as if no one from the outside was in there?  the teacher doesnt want to deal with a complaining parent, so they arent going to mistreat any students.  my old principal would do just about anything to get a parent out of his office.  a lot of teachers JUST DONT CARE.  personality conflicts are always an issue, sometimes they happen for no reason, and sometimes they happen because of the childs work in class. 

Homework and classwork have always been an issue with me.  there should be no such thing as "home" work.  you do learning at school, if you cant get everything done there then the teacher is not doing their job.  When you stay up until 10 or 11 doing homework...that just isnt acceptable in my mind.  teachers need to cut the useless stuff out of the curriculum and just do the basics.  read the chapter, do an assignment.  thats it.  instead it seems like there is so much more.  they push way too much onto kids.  the homeschool parents will agree with me here.  especially if your child has been in the public school system, y'all will back me up, HAH!
 
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October 10, 2005, 10:56 pm CDT

Bullies

 i never really had a problem with physical or emotional bullying at school.  i mean i got the occasional rude comment just like everyone else but nothing serious.   i (and many others) would have people who would just annoy the hell out of us.  tell them to go away, they dont listen, they just keep doing it.  The peopel who constantly pester others are just as bad as bullys in my opinion because they are trying to get a reaction out of someone and take pleasure from it, just how bullies probably do.  Enroll your kids in martial arts.  start at about age 5, keep them in it as long as you can.  i just started and im pretty confident that i could take care of myself.  it not only teaches you how to protect yourself but it has many other benifits.  confidence, improved decision making, common sense, courtesy, stuff like that.  To me violence is a last resort.  use words first, always, if that fails and theres no other way...i think a bully would be no match for a kid whos taking karate.  the sooner you put your kids in martial arts the sooner they can become a third degree black belt...boy will that bully regret shoving your kid!
 
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October 10, 2005, 11:25 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: mominnctwo

I am a mother of an 11 year old. I have heard about sex bracelets from a friend. I was needing to know if anyone can tell me what the colors mean. My daughter has just bought her some and its 2 colors. I am needing to know the meaning of the colors so i can tell her if she can wear them or not. She does know about sex some and she says that it is gross. Please help so I can keep her out of trouble.
 first off im 16.  and to parents...please dont thing those jelly bracelets are sex bracelets!  half the kids who wear them have no clue what they mean.  this is another one of those cases that has gotten blown out of proportion by different organizations, local news and other media.  it probably started with a group of kids as a joke and has all of a sudden been turned into something else.  and as soon ass law and order had an episode on it parents freaked.  yes im sure there are people who will go out and wear them because of that but as long as your daughter doesnt then you have nothing to worry about.  anyone remember maddona wearing these?  granted she isnt he best example but no one called them sex bracelets when she wore them.

if you want to find out what the colors mean do a google search, im sure you will find a color guide somewhere.


 
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October 11, 2005, 12:05 am CDT

Coping with Stress

 Stress is something i know A LOT about after the past few years dealing with my health and just being a teen in general.  One place that i go to calm down and be happy is the message board that i moderate.  its full of a lot of fun, intelligent, and interesting people and the conversations leave me feeling pretty good.  Recently i started karate, that has helped me get in shape, release my anger, decrease my anxiety, and has also helped with my breathing.  we actually have breathing exercises in class that stretch your lungs, and that does WODNERS for someone with asthma. 

as jewels1 said music is a great stress reliever.

i have a lot of different types of music that i listen to, but my favorite is just about anything metal/rock.  I like a lot of different bands that most people would probably want to ban from playing in their city(many of my favorites have).  I like intelligent music that is well thought out, good lyrics, stuff like that.  also soemthing i can relate to.  music is about expression, and a lot of musicians express the violence and agression that i can't right now.  to me listening to some really, really hard metal calms me down.  i guess the best way i can describe it is with a question...ever just had such a rough day where you would just like to throw something, or hit a punching bag?  well, the metal i like does that for you with the music.  lots of people think rock and metal makes kids violent, it doesnt.  if a kid has serious issues they will act out anyways. 
 
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October 31, 2005, 9:41 pm CST

School Issues

Quote From: joyceymay

What are you doing now?  Are you attending a private school?  An "alternative ed" program?  Getting homeschooled?  There are also programs out there to help you get a GED.  

  

I understand your frustration.  I agree that there are a lot of problems with the public school system and that it's hard to fix it.  (I know because I've tried, but that's a long story.)  But if you don't find a way to finish your education, you're only hurting yourself. 

  

  

 right now i am homeschooling, 10th grade.  i will be graduating a year early and probably taking college courses as well next year.  i plan on finishing my education.  from my posts i sound like a hoodlum, trust me, im probably not what anyone expects...while in public school i was above average on  test scores, in the advanced classes...stuff like that.  im also quite wise beyond my years, dont expect this teen to be asking for advice, expect me to be giving it ;)
 
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October 31, 2005, 10:06 pm CST

School Issues

Quote From: west28

This is so true! I am an adult that works in a major school district in Houston, Texas. I left a job at the elementary level that I loved, to transfer to my daughter's middle school, because there are some teachers' that just don't care. I am a paraeducator(para) and I sometimes joke that I'm just there for the paycheck, but really I'm not. That's what separates me from some of them. I CARE! I can't help it. I have been reading the message boards on "school issues" and I can see that schools around the country need to get a clue. With the doctors diagnosing autism and other disorders better than they have in the past, gone are the days' when we  thought "little Johnny" was just a slow learner. I have been told by a fellow para that one of my daughter's teachers said this,"If they need any help at all, they shouldn't be in my class at all". This teacher teaches an upper level class in 6th grade and said something to me as a parent , that maybe in the on level classes that my kid would be able to keep up better. WRONG. There is a para in there now( as per her modifications states in the first place) and she has made everything so much better . All she needed was a little help and she wasn't the only one! 

 

I also think the schools should get back to teaching the basics. In Texas all they do is teach the kids how to take "THE TEST". If you live in Texas you know what I'm talking about !  Well, with all these kids' with Asperger's syndrome(a form of high functioning autism), ADD/ADHD, OCD, CAPD(central auditory processing didorder), dyslexia, TBI( traumatic brain injury), bipolar disorder, etc., and the anxiety that all these kids go through on a regular school day( and trust me, they suffer more than the average kid) these schools and some of those teachers' better start DEALING WITH IT! whew! - that was a mouthful. 

 

So when your kid says that a teacher is out to get them, you had better check it out. And let the  teacher and the school FEEL your presence. There are a lot of people that really shouldn't be teaching out there, and there are probably some of them at your kids' school!  

ahhh, sounds like you are one of the good teachers we need to be seeing more of!  i commend you.

in a lot of the schools the teachers know "little johnny" isnt a slow learner, but they stick the kids in a special ed class or a "learning lab" as they called it at my school.  why you may ask? because the schools also get money for how ever many kids they have in the special ed classes.  and i know for a fact that the money doesnt go towards the special ed classes.  a lot of kids from my old school i remember that maybe they just had trouble reading, maybe a little trouble with math.  "UH OH! they need special ed"  no, they need maybe an hour of tutoring after school. some of the kids had legitimate learning disabilities, but the ones who were tested by the school were just thrown in there anyway because they dont have anyone to refer the students/parents to to get help for the student.  thus, the students who could flourish end up floundering all through their educational experience, all because they had ONE problem that could have been adressed.  this brings me to my next point,  we have under qualified people working in the schools as well.  special ed teachers need YEARS of training in my opinion, not just a substitute that they decide to hire full time (half of the special ed class at my old school consisted of people who had subbed for us before)  now im not saying its this way in every school, so y'all please dont start an argument, im just telling of my expieriences. ;)
 
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October 31, 2005, 10:28 pm CST

School Issues

Quote From: perrymom

This is my first time on this sight.  I love Dr.Phil!  My son  is always getting picked on at school.  Girls like him but the boys call him Gayfield, ask him if he was molested , purposely run into him at school, ect..   

  My son has ADHD it only seems to affect his school work, and he talks alot, other than that he's pretty mellow.  I don't have him on meds., which I guess could be a good thing considering all the problems out there.  My son gets lets his agression build up, I am afraid he might explode someday I just don't know what direction in or out.  He's a cute kid and far from gay, and he's a good build.  How do we deter these iggnorant bullies?? 

hello and welcome to the site!

a lot of the most inteligent people at school cant sit still.  when i was still in the public school system in all the advanced classes the kids wouldnt shut up, everyone was bouncing around and laughing and having a great time, and everyone got A's :)  to be honest it was a bit distracting for me, but it proves that they can do good even if they have trouble focusing.  in my opinion kids are kids, its not always going to be silent, now i dont know how old your son is, but as a parent you should be able to judge whether or not its appropriate behaviour for his age.  and to me we all need a little time to get distracted every once in a while ;)

about the bullying...those boys will just hate it when in a few years your son has all the ladies after him and they arent getting any attention (haha).  i used to (and still do) get a lot of pent up rage.   ill probably talk about this a lot on the subject of bullyin: perhaps you could enroll him in martial arts.  i just started a few months ago.  its a good place to let out your agression, it has all sorts of benefits.  self defence being the most obvious.  fighting is never a good thing.  but when the day comes when these bullies feel the need to throw a punch or push him to the ground your son will be able to defend himself, and when it happens its doubtful that they will do the same thing twice, and if they do they arent too bright, because they will only get more of whats coming to them.

ignorance is something that will go on throughout everyones life and everyone will have to put up with it at some time or another.  hopefully you will find a way to take care of it early enough to not have any negative effects on him.  good luck. :)
 
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November 1, 2005, 2:06 pm CST

Bullies

Quote From: jb7ctx

Reading these post on here are so sad. Kids dont go to school to be bullied, they go to learn. We are putting our son in Martial Arts for this main purpose. NOT for him to be a bully, but for him to stand up to one if it ever happened. Most, if not all schools have a policy about kids being a bully. If the school principal cannot stop the behavior then I would suggest taking the bullies parents to court. It is harrassment! It is assault! It is domestic violence!  

  

To the mother who said her son was put in a 5 by 9 room for detention: I would definately talk to the school board about this! If a parent were to punish their child by confining him/her to such a small room for the whole day, cps would be called on them. I would never let any school do that to one of my kids and get away with it! I can see a child having to sit in time out but NOT in a small space like that all day. My dog pen is bigger than that.  

  

I would also suggest to every parent to KNOW your rights and your childs rights. Read the school policies and use them to your advantage. If the schools dont fix anything for you because of these bullies, then go to the Board of Education and tell them what is going on. 

 my old school had a "no tollerance" policy for bullies, in my opinion thats the way it should be, you bully someone, you are out, period.  the fact that not a lot of schools (including my old school) ENFORCE their no tollerance policy is the reason bullying is still a problem.  i agree with you about it being harassment.  i think a lot of teachers just say "not my problem" and go on with their lives, and thats really sad.
 

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