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Messages By: tntomboy

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October 10, 2005, 10:27 pm CDT

Right as rain

Quote From: helena309

um hi.im only 13 and many of my boyfriends already wanna have sex with me but i say no im going to wait intill im married am i right or wrong for that?

I am 24 years old.  Through my high school life I had more than my fair share of sex partners.  It seems like in the beginning of a relationship that it brings you closer together, but that's not at all the case.  The guy just wants you to think that.  As the old adage goes, "Girls use sex to get love, boys use love to get sex."  Please don't mistake the two.  Sometimes at your age things like that seem to run together and it's hard to distinguish love from the other.  Love doesn't make you feel uncomfortable, and it doesn't hurt or pressure you to do anything you don't want to.  Love should always encourage you to be yourself and it should be supportive.  At this point in your life, I don't think you should be really ready to love any boy, but someday you will.  Trust me on this one, your parents will ALWAYS be there for you.  Now I am seeing what they were talking about when they said, "Someday you will understand."   

  

Did your mom or dad ever tell you the saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"  So true. 

  

As a last thought, if you have ANY feeling of self-worth, all having sex will do to you this early in life is to make you feel shameful about yourself.  Sex is something you just can't take back.  It took a lot of time to get over feeling like an object, like an old tissue, just used and thrown out.  I am just now learning how to be me again and appreciate who I am.  NEVER lose your dignity.   

 
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October 10, 2005, 10:52 pm CDT

Friends vs. boyfriends

Can anyone tell me why it is that the second you get a boyfriend a lot of people drop all of their friends?  I seem to have done this myself, and it's like it just subconsiously happens.  I stop hanging out with my guy friends, because I feel like that's not OK unless my BF goes with.  Then, WHY on earth do I completely ignore my girlfriends?  My BF works out of town at least 2 weeks out of the month, sometimes 3.  I don't even talk to my friends then.  I am an only child and do not get lonely very easily.  I just sit around the house or go to the gym and hang out with my family.  Those are not bad things to do, but some of my friends, which I have known for years, really get angry with me about this.  It's bad to say, but it's almost like, when I have a BF, that thoughts of him consume the majority of my day.  I don't feel like that's healthy, but on the other hand, I get engulfed by it all.  Is it bad to dedicate the majority of your hours to someone that you feel one day might later be your life partner?   

 
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October 10, 2005, 11:05 pm CDT

Try this?

Quote From: starflower

hi, there :) you sound a lot like me, too. i hope you find some confidence in yourself and find even a one good friend you can talk to and spend time with :) everyone is unique, you dont need to feel bad about yourself. we are all different and you also have some very special qualities and a lot to share :) you are good enough just the way you are, i assure you :) nothing is wrong with you, you just think&feel bad about yourself and you can change that. it takes time but good things always do :) remember that you are not alone, we all have our problems and worries and fears. 

  

some of us may be very sensitive, introvert, naturally shy...and we have right to be like that :) some day there will be someone coming your way who can understand you and see the good things in you which you maybe dont see yourself yet :) im a lot older than you, but im still shy and very unsocial and feel very different than everyone else. sometimes i feel very alone but in years i have learnt to accept myself and i have a few persons in my life whom i can trust to accept me as iam. and i can finally say im finding happiness :) 

  

you can try to find friends over the internet, if its difficult for you to speak to people face to face. that way you can gather some courage and confidence. it has worked for me :) i wish you the best. take care of yourself and dont worry, be confident and patient that life has a lot to give to you and you have a lot to give to life :) 

I used to be really shy.  What I learned is that it's never to late to change that.  My dad gies me a lot of confidence and I feel really comfortable around him.  When I was 19, I joined a bowling team with him and some of his friends from work.  It was really helpful, because they could not be mean to me because my dad was there, so I felt comfortable talking and hanging out.  That led to me getting to know all the people at the alley and even getting a job there.  You should try talking to people with someone around you who makes you feel super comfortable and will support you no matter what you say or do.  Practice makes perfect.  Also, talking to adults is much better practice, because they are often more encouraging and everything is not about how you talk or what you look like or what you wear.  I will happen to people your age too.  When I went to college, I went locally, so I saw a lot of people that I went to high school with.  Even the ones that made fun of me, or that I didn't get along with were quick to spark up some casual, friendly conversation.   

 

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