Quote From: pastor05Hi.
Where do I start? My family has never been completely happy. My mother is the one who has always been very arogant, mean and abusive towards my Dad and I early on. When my sister came into the family(I am six years older than she is), my parents pretty much let her do what she wanted and now, at 36(I will be 42 in December), she has controlled my parents to the degree that they have now turned on me and told me that I am nothing but a liar and a "bad daughter." The truth of the matter is that my sister has inherited my mother's violent and abusive traits. I, as well as my husband and inlaws now, have seen her hit my father, more often than my mother who tends to just let her do what she wants--that is, she continues to live in their home, has had a child out of wedlock my daughter's age(7 years)and has controlled their income, their social and family life, etc. so much so that it has destroyed any contact I have with them now.
We first had a falling out 7 years ago, my mother and I since a child she has often hit, cuss, terriorize and threaten me and it all began in 1997 when my daughter was a baby and I was not doing everything I should for my sister. When I said "no" and tried to stand up to both of my parents, my mother left 5 angry and violent messages on our phone. My mother-in-law, who was there at the time, was so upset that of course, I ended up breaking the relationship with my family for just a year or so.
When we made our peace, I thought that perhaps my mother had changed and we had become closer. My dad, on the other had, looked awful and was always upset. It was like they changed roles in the course of a year but I knew that all the abuse, the violence, the anger my mother and now my sister had projected on my Dad, had worn him down. My mother, on the other hand, had my sister diagnosed with bi-polar syndrome and often when they came for a visit(we live several hours away)would talk hateful about her and told me once that she wanted her to die or wished she would just take her life now as she often would threaten my parents with the thought of taking her life because no one understood her.
My sister has pretty much alienated herself as well as my parents and niece from both sides of the family. Only one aunt, my dad's older sister, thinks I am being unreasonable and unChristian by finally deciding to leave for good and never to have contact again because after speaking to a therapist, they all refuse to change and rather, they have gone to my inlaws, my grandparents and others and told such nasty lies about me when everyone, except for this aunt, knows the truth and realizes that it is my sister and my mother who has destroyed my Dad. My dad has turned on me and he told my husband recently that I lie, cheat and steal all the time which could not be further from the truth. I have never even received a speeding ticket and it is my sister who was taken away by the police several times in the past few years for attacking my Dad. This older sister of my dad has totally broken my confidence and sent copies of my email to them and they called the other night, stating that I was a "blankity-blank" lier. My dad called my mother-in-law and tried to get her to hear their side that I am a lier and she told him that she did not want to speak to either him or my mother and hung up.
Of course, this is all over the fact that when my 7 year daughter and I were home, my sister, in a violent rage, attacked my daughter and I got upset and yelled at her. In turn, my parents and my sister came down on me and my daughter, scared to death, wanted to leave and we did as we ended up staying at my inlaws. My husband was in school and did not know what was going on until he tried to call my parents and they just hung up on him. Of course, the real blessing was that my mother's step-mother, whose relationship is truly strained, just happened to be there and witnessed this entire episode. I have since talked to her and she has told me stories that my Granddad, who died last year, told her about my mother. It turns out that she ended up marrying my dad out of spite against him when she could not get any money out of him. He and I, on the other hand, have always had a great relationship and he once told me that she never did treat me right and it pains me now to think he is not here to turn to. My dad, who has no backbone and could never stand up to my mother, was quite the opposite. He could never provide us with the proper essentials and now, it looks like my sister is just going to take everything my mother inherited towards her dad away because all she does is harrass them for money so she can get drunk every night.
I cannot go back to my family. My marriage is a good one and very solid. But that is because I waited and wanted to marry the man I am with now. We are very happy, despite this one upheavel. I am fortunate to have a husband, daughter, inlaws and other family members, except for the one aunt who thinks I am wrong, to stand behind me.
Thank-you for listening.
J
of course your dad not being around hurts and realizing that our families are not what we want them to be is a painful process. i have always said, it's not the people that raised me or grew up with me that i consider to be family, it's the people that i choose to allow into my life now that i consider to be family. blood might be thicker that water, but "love is thicker than blood."
