Messages By: roxsndluv2

I was married for over 10 years. It was a stormy, and abusive marriage. I adapted to most things as I had been raised that divorce was not acceptable. I deeply loved my husband despite the not so pleasant things that happened during our marriage. I thought time, marital counseling, and as the kids got older things would improve. It didn't. It actually got worse.  I don't know really how it happened, but I got the courage and stood up to him and gave him an ultimatum for him to seek treatment and individual counseling. He did for a few months with medication for schizo. tendencies .  It stopped when it seemed to improve.  In July, when the deal from the ultimatum was up and he was telling me he was not going for counseling. he was not going to take his meds, I realized I was in a dead marriage. He no longer cared about us as a family, just for what was best for him.  By worldly standards, I suppose I was supposed to go out and cut his tires and denounce him to the world. I threw him out, but begged him to go for therapy.  A year later after lies, emotional damage to our children, loss of home, staus, fianancial stress, lack of family support, denial, we had a divorce. It has been 2 years since the divorce and I can't seem to get my ex-husband to recognize the boundaries.  He calls every day and stops over when he wants.  

I would really like to move forward, but the idea of a new male in my life scares me. Suppose he is just like my ex-husband? My ex wasn't like what he became after dating. We dated, we talked about politics and animals, dreams, religion, etc. We connected and clicked. It wasn't till after the wedding that I realized that he had an anger problem, inability to forgive, didn't like young children,  abusive (physically, verbally, and emotionally), money  priorities, jealousy, etc. 

I know this is a bit long and you probably have stopped reading this, but how does one move on? How does one deal with the ex-husband when dating someone new? Do you warn the new date that your ex-husband could be dangerous?  How long do you wait till you interested the new male to your children? I have read some books on the topic and I am still unsure.  Please advise. Thanks! 

I can sympathize about you being married for  only a yr., but I am confused about what you are up set with. You are upset about a 14 year old girl who has been abandoned by her parents and you want her brother to abandon her too?An 8 month old I dont believe will understand what she is saying. I suppose while the 14 yr old girl is venting, you are suppressing your comments back  in front of the baby. Do I think your in-laws sound not quite up to par..yep, I would say so, but your comments make you sound no different than your in-laws. Consult an family counselor and for God sake, use discretion, despite she's 14 years old, she is going to be upset, she is being dumped by every one she knows.   

P.S. Domestic Relations will take care of getting the child support from the mother-in-law. Our newspaper publishes deadbeat parents regardless of gender. 

One can do many things, take a deep breath, have the knowledge that you are right despite what others might say or believe, and if that isn't cutting it for you..get an excellent attorney who knows his or her stuff.  Just put one foot in front of the other and look straight ahead.  Maybe try a support group or spiritual counselor.

Take care.
 

I am not homeschooling my children this year, but I did try it when my children were younger.I don't know what state you are in, but this state has a charter video program. They also aid with getting a computer to use as an aid  in teaching your child.  Contact your local homeschooling group. Usually your school administration building will have a contact name.  Are you using the books from the school? Or are you usung your own materials.  Is it possible for your to speak to your child's last teacher to ask how she did in a particular subject? What was that teacher's particular teaching style? Some use the book, some use their own material.  It is possible that maybe the material you are trying to teach her was taught differently, which could mean you might have to teach her from scratch.  

Take care. 

too be blunt, I think that until you two are married, your family has more rights.  I mean 3 years?!?  Frankly, the fact that you have to ask..makes me feel sorry for the girlfriend already. 

Well... I hestitate to answer to your quote.. you might want to skip mine, if you are not prepared to hear the negative. He is 34 and has a 17 year old which means he was a young dad. His youngest is 7 which means he still needs to be an active dad. You have met him when he is still married and  I assume sex is involved.  You have no marital experience and no children, and you will probably assume that the ex-wife will just accept you as is. I feel you are starting out on a very shaking foundation. Very shaky.   Frankly I would have waited a year after his divorce to get involved with him.  If you choose to stay in this :relationship", be prepared for anger, stress, children that will hate you, (because you are technically the other woman), resentments, etc. I mean can you get out of it? Seriously. Sometimes you need more than love and a lucky penny. 

I guess your meds just really makes you see things in reality, huh? He is a handsome guy because of how nice he is to his wife and kids. As far as his lack of singular strands on his head, they say that it is hard for grass to grow when what lies below is so actively in use.   

Keep up with your meds! 

Take care.