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October 12, 2005, 3:00 pm PDT
Sex
Quote From: lilacmessI can only tell you how I would respond. I wouldn't marry him because I would know that I would never be able to get past this and I would spend my life punishing him for it. So marrying him wouldn't be fair to me or him. I just can't believe you told him no strippers and he did it anyway. And this crap about "how could I refuse?" is just that . . . crap. There is a little tiny word that would have done the trick. NO! So what's to keep him now from frequenting strip clubs in the future or even cheating. He now knows that he can get away with it. He can even get away with breaking promises to you. Doesn't sound like much of a foundation for marriage. I would say that possibly the only thing that would be a big enough gesture for me under the circumstances would be for him to immediately cut off all contact with all of these guys who accompanied on his adulterous adventure. If that means uninviting them to the wedding, so be it. He would have to do something really big right now for me to be able to believe that he's willing to change and getting rid of his trashy friends would be a start. I think that that is a bit of an overreaction!! He went to Vegas with his friends---VEGAS!! If you didn't want him to participate in that sort of thing than you should have said that you didn't want him to go to Vegas! I think your first sign that it is not as bad as you think is that he told you what he did!! Think about it: Why would he tell you that they tried to get the girls to come back to the cabin if it was a bad thing and he had something to feel guilty about? Second, as dumb as it is, bachelor parties are generally like this. If you have met his friends and his friends have met you then you should already know that they respect your relationship and would not put their friend in a position to potentially cheat on his soon-to-be wife. I think that not marrying him is way overdone. However, it seems that with your last response to the person who told you not to marry him you agree with this. If that is the case, then this was not a strong enough relationship to begin with. I have only been married 3 months and if this had happened before our marriage and it bugged me (which I don't think it would have because I completely trust my husband and know that he would never cheat on me), then I would have had a talk with him about why it bugged me and tried to clear that up. Relationships are a work in progress and there are always things that are going to come up that really upsets the other person. He obviously did not know to the extent of how much it would bug you otherwise he would not have done it and would have especially not told you about it after the fact! At this point I'm curious to see if you did marry him.
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