Messages By: qajp73

I'm the Mother of three kids two step daughter age 15  son age 13 and one foster son age 12.  I have a problem with my husband constituently setting boundaries between the boys and the girl. I have always been very clear with my daughter concerning sexual activity. 

 Not allowing her to have male friends in her bedroom for obvious reasons.  While she has occasionally had male friends over in the common areas of my home. Last evening my 13 year old son brought a so "female friend " home with him escorting her to his bedroom. My husband ALLOWED THEM IN HIS BEDROOM  AS LONG AS THE DOOR WAS OPEN.?  

 As soon as I laid eyes on this female I knew she was more then a friend!!!!!!!! The way she looked at me STOOD THE HAIR UP ON MY NECK !!!!!!!! I told my husband he was out of line to allow this person to be in my sons bedroom. He said oh she's just a friend!!! 

My 15 year old daughter and my 12 year old son informed me that my 13 year old son and this girl had been making out and experimenting sexually. My husband and I had a conversation concerning the sexual misconduct. As you can imagine I was very irritated at the situation. When it was time for the girl to go home, my son asked to walk her home. Apparently she lives just down the street? Well 30 minutes later my husband went after him in the car and supposedly had a conversation concerning sexual boundaries.  

After dinner my 13 year old son became very up-set when I told him he was to stay home instead of going to out in the rain to play hackey sack, he replied "thats what rain coats are for" He then asked if he could go inside of a "friends" house. I said no, I think you have alternative motives here and I think you understand what I'm talking about. He became very up set at this point, it was clear to me that he was going to head this girls house, were her parents don't appear to care what she's up to or have no boundaries for her?   

My husband was going to drive him to the so called "friends house" saying to me "I think your going a little overboard here you need to talk to Dr Phil. I replied "well maybe you should pay the child support when he gets her knocked up, I'm not going to visit him in the jail for teens when she cries rape" My son got really up set saying to me "shut up" I stormed down the stairs into the garage were he was saying " what did you say"?  

He said I told you to "shut up" I said who do you think you are young man? He said I don't know what your so up set about she's just my friend?  

I said if you have something to say to me, say it to my face, ya right shes just your friend?  

At this point my daughter and I headed to the store, I needed to get out of the house before I rung his neck for being so disrespectful to me. On the way to the store my daughter asked "why can he have girls up in his room "? He told me about the "stuff " they are doing together and Dad is closing his eyes to it?  

I think that's unfair I know the standards you have set for me and he should have to follow the same rules. While you were up stairs I got a phone call from a boy I like in school, I told Dad he was my boyfriend. He told me you don't have boyfriends at fifteen? Yet after I told you that my brother is messing around with this girl Dad still lets him be alone with her?  

As you can imagine I was listening with great intensity, I told her If their is one thing I wont you to understand that is I WONT NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DOUBLE STANDARD YOUR DAD IS IMPLEMENTING!!!!! I have always applied the same rules across the board with you kids. You kids may thing I'm a b---tch at times but it least I'm consistent when it comes to rules and discipline.  

You need to ask your DAD why it's OK for your 13 year old brother to entertain girls in his bedroom? This girl can become pregnant just as easily as you can that's why I got so angry at your brother and Dad. I'm glad you told us about his "messing around" with this girl, don't feel bad about telling on him. It was the right thing to do I don't think you want anything to happen to your brother.  

When we got back my daughter posed the question to my husband? He gave a flipped answer about the double standard. He has trouble when she calls him on his actions. It is the age old problem of girls who are sexually active are called Who----e boys who are involved in sexual activity are called STUDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I think what's good for the goose is good for the gander.  

OUTRAGED MOTHER  

I'm the Mother of a twenty year old and fifteen year old daughter. I would suggest you be very up front with her, call her on the inappropriateness of her photos. If she continues to correspond in appropriate ways take the phone!!!!! Their are just to many weirdos out their to let this slide!!!!!! 

Be vigilant about who she is hanging around what they are doing. My fifteen year old doesn't have a cell phone because it is just to unsecured. Her Internet access is very restricted because she was corresponding with a man posing as a seventeen year old who turned out to be thirty!!!!!!!  

My oldest girl was living with her biological Mother at the age of fifteen she started an inappropriate  relationship with a 21 year old man right under her Moms nose!!!!! Her cell phone was like her parental control???? When she ran off with him at 17 she was shipped to our house for the remainder of her childhood. All the talking and explaining what he was didn't work, we went as fare as running a back ground check on him. He has a rap sheet 5 pages long, but none of that mattered on the day of her 18th birthday she left early in the morning meeting him. Ending up pregnant endured 9 months of domestic abuse before getting away from him with her baby.  

Predators and certain boys will take advantage of your daughter vulnerability. Praying  on the issue  she is "green" unexperienced. Give her strong firm boundaries as it relates to the Internet, limit her access with parental controls. No matter how much she resist it is really what she needs. Be open about the dangers of experimenting sexually, pregnancy isn't the only threat. Early sexual interactions can have devastating effects on a girls self esteem. If shes not involved in sports or clubs get her involved. She needs to spend time with her Dad so she can get the attention she craves from a male.  

THEY DON'T COME WITH HAND BOOKS SO WE HAVE TO EDUCATE OUR SELVES. 

I'm the Foster Mother residing in Washington to a 12 year old boy who has a organic delay. Recently his Biological Mother came to visit, she totally broke the rules drinking, taking him to a motel instead of the approved location for overnight visitation.  

I was approached by his Social Worker about adoption or guardianship. I told her we would consider it but only if he would stay at the rate they have assigned. We are meeting on Thursday to discuss the situation, my greatest fear is that they will put the need to save money over the needs of this child?  

He has blended into our family and asked to stay with us instead of going to his Mom. I told the Social Worker that I will NOT LOWER THE standard of living he has grown accustomed to as a way of saving the State money. I 

t's not about the child any more its about the wallet? I think both of his Parents should pay child support to subsidize the cost of the state.  

They have a responsibility to this child that they failed his Mother was a me th user his Dad just simply couldn't deal with him. He has been in 6 different homes before coming to us. I will hold my ground when it comes to what he deserves.  

T 

The State of Washington has this strange rating system which determines reimbursement issues. ITS NOT ABOUT THE KIDS NEEDS ANYMORE. We work 24 seven with these kids for Penny's and yet the State feels we should do this for free?    

Outraged Parent