Messages By: elle1951

 I definitely agree with Dr. Phil about the 8 yr. old, who's grandmother thinks she's overweight. If you 

emphasize dieting and weight, they will most assuredly develop low self esteem issues, and maybe even eating disorders. Teaching by example is one of the best ways, and looking at food from the perspective of nutrition and health, will allow them to develop self esteem and to be a healthy adult. 

I can completely empathize with you and also feel distraught, saddened, and even angry. My only  

daughter is gay and lives with her partner who is Venezualan. She is 35 and is a successful  

professional. She came out when she 18. I too, inaccurately thought that she would " grow out " 

of it. But now realize and believe that it is NOT a choice. I accept and love her for herself. I visit them 

and stay with them periodically. [ I live several states away ]. I only wish for her happiness , regardless of her orientation. I applaud your loving and open minded attitude towards your  

daughter. Too often, a parent's love is conditional. If we really love our children , it should be  

unconditionally and complete. I get so angry sometimes, when I hear so called  " Christians " 

judging and looking down on gays. They live in such a narrow , self righteous world.  Jesus 

taught love and tolerance. That certainly isn't followed today by most people.  

It is so refreshing to read an intelligent, articulate response to the many fundamentalist opinions. I live in the Bible belt and I mostly hear the closed minded , judgemental opinions of the literal  

extremists. -- so, God Bless YOU!!! 

ANYTHING ---- be it physical, emotional, visual, that makes a person feel LESS THAN, is ABUSE.  

A Person needs to respect and love self first, and then subsequently expect that from others. Anything less, is just simply unacceptable. I have read, learned and researched alot regarding abuse, since I left my abusive marriage 8 years ago. In answer to the Irish woman who is married to an older man. His problem, obviously,is severe insecurity and a need to control. It is NOT normal 

and erodes away your self esteem. Noone deserves to live with abuse of any kind. Most attempts 

at killing the woman is when she decides to leave, so I know that if and when you decide to leave, 

it should be unbeknownst to him, and do it quickly. To all who are going through what I did go  

through, my prayers go with you. 

Dr. Phil, It's a noble gesture to offer help to the abusive husband, but I've read that statistically abusers are almost as unrehabilitative as are pedophiles. We are products of our upbringing, but  

when we are adults we have the free will to make choices, to change and to be in control of our own destinies. I was in an extremely abusive marriage. He tied me up, choked me, sexually and 

physically abused me while stating that he was going to kill me. I did fear for my life. I knew I was 

going to die. I did get out. I ran for my life. I have seen , not only in my case, but in others, where 

the abuser never takes responsibility, is never held accountable for their actions. As you stated in 

the show, " it's always someone else's fault "  " You made me do it " was a familiar mantra. I think  

it's essential that eventually I forgive, but for my peace of mind, not his. I truly believe, however, that 

once an abuser, always an abuser, no matter how many hours of therapy they accumulate. And I  

am curious, was the point of interviewing the abusive husband , to attempt to understand his mindset for future reference? 

 Blessed Be, Elffie.  She did some research. But she didn't do all of her research. It's amazing how someone can think that their way of worshipping is the only way. And this, from a text that is over 2000 years old. Has been translated through hundreds of languages and has been re-written many times. Most recently by a church that did not want to lose members. Scare them with an evil being called Satan and they will stay with the church to find " salvation "....

Brightest Blessings, elle1951

I , too am proudly Pagan.  And where our spiritual path espouses free will, tolerance and love for all things and people - sadly most Christians I've met have been closed minded, narcisistic, not

willing to think for themselves. -Blindly following someone telling them how to interpret a 2000 year old text. They run on fear and hate. Self rightously claiming their path is the only path. And to

re-iterate for those who do not take the time to really research material, We do NOT worship Satan. We do not believe in Satan. Satan is an evil entity the church invented to keep their

followers in line. --especially women. [ the wise ones , the sacred feminine ]. To be even more

succinct,, Satanists don't even worship Satan... It is from the old Egyptian sect derived from the

God, Set.

    The reason why she allowed herself to be treated that way for 20 years is she has come from a place of NO self esteem. I don't believe that when she married him , he was all that different. Just toned down a little to put a nicer facade on his behavior. I know from experience the thought processes of a woman with no self esteem. She was grateful for any attention anyone was willing to show her. She settled for the crumbs, because she didn't know that she deserved to be treated so much better. And the reason why she didn't leave is because of her negligible

self esteem , therefore thinking , " I don't deserve or I can't get any better ".  Dr Phil should know that when a person with no self identity, no self esteem is verbally abused and isolated from friends and family, that's all the reality she knows. THAT"s why she doesn't leave , until [ and sometimes never ] she's had enough of the pain. The only difference between verbal abuse and

physical abuse is that the wounds and scars are all on the inside with verbal abuse.

Dr. Phil, maybe you have different statistics than what I've read about, but most abusers [ that includes verbal] are unable to be rehabilitated. There really IS no excuse or reason in this world to allow yourself to be subjected to abuse. Noone should stay and allow someone to demean you, to diminish you , to criticize you in any way.  Being with anyone who does anything but make you feel like a better person, like a beautiful, intelligent person, is totally unecessary and

toxic in your life.

I agree that they both need help - professional help. She needs to learn to love herself and he needs help with his anger problem. But, the bottom line is that she needs to leave him and fast !!! And then work on her esteem issues , so that she doesn't repeat the scenario.

An abuser is an abuser.........