I Have been in a relationship for 7 yrs. Wow its getting up there.. Anyway I have a daughter 12 from a old, abusive, relationship and a 4 yr. old son from are relationship. We have had some rough stuff to go through but I think every relationship at some point has. The one that was very devastating for me was this last January on HIS birthday I was making supper and I got a phone call from an old friend, calling me to make me aware what the whole town already knew and she didn't want me to be the last to know.
He was out Ice fishing for his birthday. I went balistic. Anger, initially was my feeling than betrayl how could he have done this to me. Faithfulness is so important to me. I went looking for him on the ice that night( I had no idea to even look) RAGE!!!! He finally found me sitting in the local bar drowning my sorrows and I confronted him. He looked scarred and denied everything, of course. He left, I followed him, and he locked his car door and wouldn't open the window to talk. He came home and hid his pickup( I still don't understand that one-- It just showed guilt to me)
He finally came clean the next day with me about what had happened but couldn't explain why it happened.. I wanted him to move out because I would never be able to trust him again. He told me he was sorry and it was just a one time thing and it would never happen again... I didn't know how to feel or what to do other than feel my heart being crushed in my chest. I felt so vulnerable. I told him I wanted him to tell his mom. I guess I wanted him to get in trouble or make him self be shamed in her eyes and he did. He told her exactly what he had done.
The only explanation I could even fathom WHY?? My only explanation was I had lost over165lbs. and I was getting a lot of extra attention. Mainly from the male species. I never acted on it I would always take the compliment and smile but it did boost my self-worth but my honey was still on the heavy side and that has not ever been an issue other than health wise is only thing I worry about his heart since he still smokes. He still drives me wild and I find him very sexy and he can always make me laugh no matter how stressed out over whatever at the time. I just think he had someone else make a sexual suggestion and he ran with it.
But how do I know It won't happen again. We are still working on the trust issues and I often wonder am I always going to have that little doubting issue in the back of my head. Wondering!!
How do I let that part go??? OR Should I let it go?? IT's hard. I dont' bring it up, I dont' throw it in his face if we have an argument. I just dont' know how to get back to feeling OK in that area. He broke my spirit, my heart, and at times recently I catch myself pull away from him not wanting to cuddle or I pull away find excuses.
Confused in Minnesota
