Messages By: calliegal

I am not so sure that homeschooling is the best alternative for either you or your son. Asperger's children need guided social interaction. The best possible resource would be a Therapeutic Day School, however, unless your school district is going to pay for this the tuitions are virtually impossible.

Your son wants very much to be 'normal.' He wants all the things that other kids have: friends, room to move, room to explore on his own. His interests and emotions are intense. He's bright, but his articulation appropriateness isn't on the mark. On top of this, he's impulsive. He can't see the other side because empathy (though he feels deep and genuine emotion) isn't easily the first thing accessed. All of this makes it hard, because his behavior makes it difficult in the presence of a typical classroom. And so you homeschool.

But you can't be the sun, the moon & the stars for your kid. And maybe you're frustrated too, and so the two of you become a toxic combination.

I'd urge to you seek the company of other parents who are going through a similar struggle. You have to know that you're not the only one going through this. They might have ideas of how to work with your public schools, how to get an accurate diagosis, finding a good social skills program, a good psychiatrist and a good psychologist just for you. (Yes, parents need to go through counseling too, because IT'S TOUGH).

An excellent resource for you is http://tonyattwood.com.au. This is Dr. Tony Attwood's site, and he's one of the top researchers in the world on Asperger's.

Yours, Calliegal

I'm glad you have her in counseling and that she's seeing a psychiatrist. You absolutely did the right thing.

Now breathe.

I'd urge you to get counseling for yourself. It's normal to be depressed under extreme circumstances, and it does you no good to have only your daughter in counseling while you wait in the lobby, afraid, scared, trying to be socially acceptable when you feel like screaming!

Keep making your circle bigger. Lots of people can help and will help if only you let them.

I think if you click on my name: calliegal, you'll be directed there. It's called "My Imperfect son: Asperger's.

All the best, Callie

I think if you click on my name, then you'll be directed to: My Imperfect Son: Aspterger's.

I've devoted the last fifteen years of my life to finding the correct diagnosis and it's been quite a path! I'm happy to share it with you, so please stop by.

Yours, Calliegal

Your son has moved around an awful lot the past three years. Plus, he's been laid up with a broken leg. I'm sorry for all of this. I know how much a consistent environment means to a kid. Your son doesn't need a lot of friends, he just needs ones or two.

The onus is on you to reach out and make those contacts. Who cares if you're not rich? The best way for you to meet people under this circumstance is to make yourself needed.

Volunteer at the school. If you work, then volunteer at weekend and evening events. Become the team Mom who brings in the cookies and always ALWAYS find someting ice to say about everyone (I don't mean kissing up, I do mean greeting them and maybe even remembering something about them. "How is your dog, Mrs. Jones?" Join the PTA, help raise money, organize projects for the teacher. The more you're seen, the better it will be for your kid.

This might take a little while, but if you start in September, if you consistent in your efforts, if you don't let yourself get swept up in ANY gossip about anyone else but are positive and outgoing, then by June you will win people over to your side.

It's true, you may always be the one organizaing events at your house. Other people may not be as considerate as you, but there's nothing you can do about that.

But what you can do is be upbeat, positive, outgoing, and slay any naysayers with kindness and effervesence!

One more thing.... keep him away from toxic adults like your brother and sister, until he is more secure and has made friends. None of you needs them!

Smile and slay, sister! Smile and slay!

I know from experience that working w/ an unmotivated teen can be akin to trying to move a mountain!, One way to motivate is to point out the positives about what he does right. And I don't mean sugarcoating things. But if he's good at something, does a good deed, or show consideration or interest in something, then simply remark on it.

Also, you can do things to help him remember the "If, then" or the "First , then " principle. In other words, sure, things are going to be hard whenever you try something new. But IF you stick with it and learn all you can, THEN you will be ready to move on to the next step. No one is good at anything over the long haul right away. Whatever life experiences you can tell him, or have others relate to him might really help him gain that perspective."

I'm not saying you do the following, in fact I rather doubt it. But it's just a reminder, because we all need them from time to time. Especially when dealing with teens. Avoid is the classic backhanded compliment that so many fall prey to: "You're so good at music but how come you can't concentrate on getting a job?" "Nice job on that, too bad you couldn't do it over and over again."

The fact that you asked shows that you care. Teens are full of emotion, and sometimes it's not so obvious the best way to bring them out to really talk to you. Keep at it. Success will come your way.

I think you need to do this carefully and gently. Her father made bad choices. He had to pay a price, and that price was his freedom.

Perhaps a good counselor can help you. But the one thing she needs to know is that you love her, and you will always stand by her, and that his choice makes you sad as well. You also need to make sure she knows that just because her Dad made bad choices, doesn't mean that she wil too. She can always love him. He's her Dad. But I imagine a rush of confusion on her part, and that's why I think you should seek guidance, perhaps even tell her in the presence of a counselor and keep going after wards as well.

Good for you for not bad mouthing him! That takes a lot of integrity on your part. Good luck!