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Messages By: stacyann

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October 13, 2005, 8:12 pm CDT

I can relate

Quote From: abirney

I became a wife in August of 04 and then found out I was pregnant four months later and Noah was born in August of 05.  I love this little guy with all of my heart, but he has completely changed my life. In one year I became somebody's wife and someone elses mother.  This has been a really hard transition for me.  We are the first in our group of friends to have a baby so I really have no one to talk to.  When I get stressed out  I feel guilty.  I am used to working full time, but I have been off work for three months and have three weeks to go.  I feel guilty because I am almost looking forward to getting back to work just so I can be me again.  I love my child and would not trade him for anything, but I have found I that I am beginning to resent my husband because he has been able to keep some normalcy in his life.  He returned back to work after only a week at home, during which time he came and went as he pleased leaving me and the baby at home alone.  He is a very loving husband and father, but it seemed to me that this wasn't nearly the change for him that is was for me.  He comes home from work and lets me know he is going to spend the evening playing golf.  He doesn't have to worry that his son will not be taken care of. However, if I want to go have dinner with friends, I have to check with him and make sure he can "babysit"  this is the double standard I cannot understand.  I have had to come home before even making it to the restaurant because my husband couldn't get him to quit crying.  I had only been gone for fifteen minutes and the baby was asleep when I left.  I asked him who he thought I called when I couldn't get him to quit crying.  I think that helped him understand a little bit better why I was a little stressed at the end of the day when he got home.  Don't get me wrong I feel blessed because I get to spend special moments with our son that my husband misses and I wouldn't trade those, but why is it that dads are so quick to show off their children, but do little to actually help take care of them.  When do they become equal care-givers instead of baby sitters?

I too recently became a new mom. I am 28 years old and had been dating my fiance for a little over a year when we were moving in together last year. In the middle of our move I noticed that I had missed my cycle and was just not feeling right. We chalked this up to Texas sinus and kept moving. Then we took the test and it showed we were having a baby. That was the first of our new found relationship "nothing is ever easy" is what we call it. In the middle of being pregnant I did not want to be engaged, plan a wedding and look for a new home. So we started with finding a home. Well again nothing can be easy for us. Our son Dylan decided he was just took happy and needed to come out almost 3 months early, that is right he was born at 29 weeks. Dylan did have some complications that resulted in his delivery. My blood pressure had risen so high that my body started rejecting Dylan and they saw on the ultrasound that he had hemorrhaging in his brain. Thus at 400 the doctor advised they were taking Dylan and at 415 he was here. Since then Dylan had to spend 84 days in the NICU and has undergone 3 surgeries, with the most recent being on 10/05. During all of this we decided that my fiance, yes we decided to get engaged after moving into the house a week after Dylan was born, decided to become the stay at home parent. Mr MOM...... This was decided b/c Dylan ended up having to spend several days weekly at all different Doctor offices and had to do OT with the state appointed therapist and nutritionist. We have now been denied our Medicaid and SSI and are in the appeal process, did not think this would go away and now on one income WOW the extra cost my insurance does not pick up is eating us alive. With all of this it is something new daily with Dylan and we are just so Thankful that God continues to bless us in overcoming these issues. Dylan never let's it get him down though, he just keeps on the best he can and acts as if nothing is wrong. he is just so cute. We love him so much. He has had his own website since he was born to keep everyone across the globe advised of his current  condition and our friends and family have been great. With that being said TRUST me I was so happy to return to work, it is my escape. However, please do not do what I did and get too involved with work that you spend all your time with it. Work will always be there, but your family has to come first, they need YOU. It is okay to need a break and it does not make you a bad parent at all, just be careful at how many and how long your breaks are. In addition you also have to remember to keep your relationship with DAD... This is something we could use advise on, we are such great friends that sometimes that is all we are anymore. We are working so hard at everything else we kinda put us on the back burner.... 

 

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