Messages By: math_geek

 Thank you Bill for slapping such a cruel and chauvinistic label upon men everywhere.  I personally think you are WAY off base when you say that women sit around watching TV all day and surfing the net.  Every woman that I know is busy with something, whether she works or not.  Telenovelas don't fill her day, her responsibilities do (unlike many men who would rather incite riots than get off their butts and mow the yard or take out the trash!!!). 

If you really want to get down and dirty in this subject let's look at the math of it all.  Hence my username.  :D 

First axiom:  Marriage is an EQUAL partnership.  All responsibilities will be split evenly with respect to time.

Second axiom: There are 168 hours in a week, and we will presume that on average, 6 hours a day are spent asleep - ergo, there are 126 hours available to EACH of you.

Now then.  I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt (though I doubt you deserve it) and say that you work 80 hours a week.  Then you come home and expect the remaining 46 hours to be spent in free time for you. 

Your wife on the other hand has been working all day - cleaning, cooking, caring for children (and this is assuming that she doesn't work herself).  Guess what?  Unless the kid is asleep, she's still on the clock.  If someone's hungry, she's on the clock.  If there is something that's messy and she picks it up SHE'S ON THE CLOCK!!!  I refuse to believe that any woman (no matter how phenomenal they may be) can care for all those responsibilities in a short time like 80 hours a week.  She's cutting into her own allotted freetime, which means she works even more than you. 

The balance of responsibility is not equal here.  The equation is not satisfied because we have a variable that needs to get off its butt and realize that work around the house is for EVERYONE not just her. 

A note: I am male - I pity the idiots with Mr. Jinkens' mindset.

 The question you need to ask yourself is not whether or not you still have feelings for the guy.  Often, old feelings never fully go away and are easily stirred to full capacity when you fan the flame.  You need to ask yourself what it might do to your future husband or this guy's wife.  Am I suggesting that you are talking about having an affair?  No.  But I do know that having an ex in the picture can SEVERELY complicate trust. 

Do you love your fiance?  Of course, you said so in your post - but have you earned his trust?  Would you do anything to jeopardize this trust?  Isn't the life with your husband far more precious than a relationship that has the potential to harm?  Sure, you'll always wonder what may have been . . . I could ask myself, "what might have life been like if I'd married a supermodel?" 

That's all beside the point though.  You need to be honest with your fiance about your feelings, and earn the trust that he so desperately wants to give you.  Often, it takes a choice that goes contrary to our feelings to set us on the right path - but once you're on the right path, things begin to improve.  It may be painful to give up what you had, but I guarantee that the relationship you will build with your husband will be based in something far stronger than emotion - trust and love.