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Messages By: fritangela

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October 14, 2005, 8:07 pm CDT

some advice to help.

Quote From: flmarijane

Please help me. I am the single mom of a 17 year old girl. The first week of summer a boy down the street came to the house and started talking to her. He told her he was 19, I felt like he was a little too old for her, but she really liked him and all they were doing was talking in the yard at my house or his parents. To make a long story short he isn't 19, he's 23! My 25 year old son found out and went to his parents home and told them to keep this man away from his sister!! My daughter was heart broken, didn't eat or sleep for days. Mad at me, mad at her brother, and mad at the world. He soon disappeared from his parents home and she convinced herself he was living in a box somewhere. This went on for 2 months, Wednesday night on a routine walk she ran into him. He was doing a neighbors yard, he no longer lives with his parents but has moved in with a friend and his mom. There is a reason men aren't suppose to be with young girls, my daughter is so hungry for the attention of the man she won't listen to me anymore. He said things to her a boy can't equal. He made a few attempts to kiss her in the past and always wanted to hug her. The kissing never happened but recently she confided in me she wishes it had.This is a girl I have had no trouble with in the past. At this very moment I don't even know where she is...but I have a good guess. What do I do? This man is not a good influence. Did I add she is a virgin and he isn't. He has no job and gets high....I am so inexperienced in anything like this. Do I just listen to her when she wants to talk but not inter fear? I'm afraid if I stop her, I'll lose her!!!

There's so much to say to you to try to help you out,so ill explain as well as i can. You said that you've never had trouble with your 17 year old daughter, But its probably because she's never got caught.Im 18 years old with a 4 month old baby girl,and i decided to get pregnant to get away from my mom.The reason for that was because she would always be telling me,"get away from him" He's not the one for you."(etc). well She kicked me out, when she found out i was pregnant.Now that im a parent, I do realize that my mom was right, to not have kids because it takes you away from your life and its now hard to go to college and everything,My life was all planned out.But you see you have to learn from your mistakes,and it seems that thats how everyone learns these days.I always told myself." No-one can stop me from the one I love."Nothing will get in my way to see the one I love".So nothing stopped me.Now that im here, its tough.If my mom would of let me see the one that i love,i would have not planned to have a child.Im not trying to compare my problems to yours,But my point is,is that If my mom would have never told me   to stay away from the one i love,it would have never pushed me to get pregnant.So now heres my advice.You said that you dont know where she is at the very moment.But try to get this guy out of her mind,Let her friends come and stay.if she dosent have a car tell her "hey,do you want me to take your friends to the movies,ill give everyone a ride".Then when shes out in public without him, she'll start recognizing other guys,and maybe start talking to someone else.If my mom would have offered more i would of had fun with my friends, instead of always thinking,"im going to sneak out tonight to go see him".Do what you can to get him out of her mind.But trust me grounding her, or bringing him up,might make her even more mad,and trust me,It'll push her to do something very stupid.I went through it all,now i have a precious baby girl,But i wish i would have waited.So i do wish i listened to my mom,but then it also made me so mad,that i didnt want to listen to her at all,because i  was in "love". 

 
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October 14, 2005, 8:25 pm CDT

I agree

Quote From: nortiz_55

 I am a seventeen year old mother. I am posting today to urge all parents not to ignore any and all signs of your son or daughter being sexually active. I struggle everyday wondering how did I get here? Even though my son is  the biggest blessing in my life, I wonder what my life would be like if my parents would have put a stop to what and where I was going in my life. I was dating a man that was 23 years old when I was only 15. And well I got pregnant two months later. I was off doing drugs and anything else you could ever imagine. But my little boy is what saved my life. So I just hope that all you parents out there really understand that by you ignoring any signs can put them in my shoes- a teenage mom raising a son by myself, struggling everyday. I wonder what my life would be like if my parents would have done something to prevent me from chosing the wrong road in life! I've been wanting to get my story out there to reach teens and parents and make them understand sex is such a big responsibility. You have to be ready to take the consequences that comes with sex. Alot of teens are lucky they didn't get pregnant, but for those of us who did, we must take responsability for our actions. I hope I did some good in writting this.  

                                                                                                                                       Thank you- 

Im 18 years old with a 4 month old baby girl! I do agree with what your saying it is a very big responsibility.I think at like age 15 all parents should take there child and put them on birth control,just for there sake in a responsibility like this.Its very tough,and i should have thought about it, but i always thought"ill never get pregnant,it wont happen to me". I enjoy her very much,But i felt like i was never a teen,i jumped from child to adult in 10 months,And its tough.If your a teen thats sexually active,take our advice.It'll make a difference!! 

 
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October 17, 2005, 6:06 pm CDT

hope this will help

Quote From: reneed

Perhaps you could share this message you posted.  

Too bad they are not listening to what you are saying. They are very fortunate to have a mature 18 yr. old willing to patch things with them. 

Your emotional health is very important, I beleive you'll make the right choices! God bless! 

You know what... 

most teens your age do not have as much patience as you do. And what i did,was packed my things and left.YOur parents seem to be really overprotected.If they dont listen to you,thats their fault.I moved out when i was 17.I know my advice isn't the best,and YES its very hard to just pack up and leave.But you seem you know what you want,so don't let anybody in your path!! 

 
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October 17, 2005, 6:21 pm CDT

My mom has the same problem

Quote From: djbart

My daughter has girlfriends that come and spend the night, however, when things get pretty chaotic while they are having fun, they seem to lose repect for my house and damage it. For instance, I heard alot of laughing and loud noises and I came up to see what was happening.  They said "sorry" and told me to look around the room.  What I saw was a hole in the bathroom door, as big as a softball"  I was shocked.  My main question is, how long and what should be the punishment for this? I do know who really did this but since it happened in my house and I was not witness to this I can not make the parents pay for this. Can anyone tell me what kind of grounding I should do. Because my daughter needs to realize and maybe she will tell her friends to be more respectful of her house since she's getting the punishment. 

   

Thank you   

Before i moved out of my mothers house.There would always be people walking in and out of our house like they own it.Mostly my older brothers friends.They eat everything torture the house,blast music, drink,just everything.SO my mom got fed up with it,and fixed up the garage as a kick back place.I know its no punishment to your daughter,but shes not going to be grounded forever.So just put a coach, stereo or whatever you need to put out there,so you know they dont need to come in the house for anything.Now for your daughter,if she's not listening to you,or her and her friends aren't respecting your house,They probably think that your a really cool mom,because you let them do things to your house.Im sure if your daughter goes to her friends houses they respect them a lot more,because their parents don't tolerate it.Be tough,Stand up for yourself,POint your finger at them and make eye contact.Trust me...Things will change.
 
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October 17, 2005, 6:26 pm CDT

just a little advice

Quote From: dirtracer8

I have an on going serious dispute with my spouse which is causeing us personal problems.

My children have been trained by my spouse to only eat Nuggets, PB&J, Frozen Pizza, and Raviolis.

When we make other things they refuse to eat and our dinner becomes a big fight. My spouse has just conceded and fixes them what they want. I am of the belief you control what they eat, when they go to bed, who they see, ect. I feel that the children are out of control. and we have lost. I always have to look like the big bad dad, forceing them to eat other things.

 

My spouse is a wimp.

It seems that your spouse does all of the grochery shopping.I think you should get in there and start doing it.If you tell your spouse that you care,Say, I dont want them to get made fun of when they get older.I want them to eat as healthy as they can.So they can be in sports be happy,and feel good about themselves.I think when a lot of people eat healthy they feel good and are more confident about themselves.. 

-sheena- 

 
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October 19, 2005, 1:57 pm CDT

BE gay

Quote From: sharmcc

Dr. Phil, 

As the mother of a gay son, I feel my son is still my son, we love him, and God loves him, that is all that matters.  If the rest of society has a problem with it, that is their problem.  I feel gays are misunderstood.  My son has openly brought home his mates, most of them we did not like to their tempers and anger management issues.  Well, he is with another mate right now, and I love him like a son.  I will admit at first it is a very hard thing to deal with, but I understand that this is not a choice.   As for the lesbian woman and her sister on your show, the mother and sister are not trying to understand where this woman is coming from.  I understand the mother and sister are hurting, but the woman is hurting also.   Some of the sweetest people I have met are gay, they are the same as anyone else, their sexual preferences are just different.  I feel there need to be more shows about this subject, you can not possibly cover everything on this subject in one show.  Thank you Dr. Phil for talking about this subject. 

God made people so they can be who they want to be. 

There are many more important issues in this world, then to worry about who people love,and if there gay or not.WHO CARES..God had the option to make us,and he did,If he wanted to stop people from being gay,he could have.Were all normal people,Isn't that what everybody usually says.Its like saying black and white people are different,there not.So why are gays and straights.As long as there happy,then why should anyone care.Im 18 years old and im straight. so its not like im gay im just saying what i really feel.WEll im just going to say this.It saves more men for the woman, if your lesibian.And it saves more woman for the men if your gay.Nobody should complain about people being who they are. 

 
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October 19, 2005, 2:10 pm CDT

Be gay

Quote From: starscars

As a faithful Catholic I belive firmly in "hate the sin love the sinner" that said, the Catholic church does not have a problem with a person being "gay" "lesbian" but when that person acts on it sexually it is considered a mortal sin. I know gay and lesbian people who are choosing to live a celibate life without ever engaging in any form of sexual act, is it a difficult life? Yes, but we are talking about your mortal soul and in the long run this life is nothing compared to our life in Heaven, do you want to be in Heaven or Hell? God has made it very clear that it is not ok to have sex with the same sex, if God wanted it that way there would be no aids, what type of God would allow that? A man and a woman were made just right to come together in marriage and have children, that is from God, if God wanted same sexes together they would be able to have children together and they would not be able to give aids to eachother. 

I think that we need to pray for gays and lesbians that God will give them the strength to live celibate lives and not act on their sexual needs, there is way more to life than sex. 

Im straight and very christian But.. 

IF your Gay and happy Be gay and happy."It saves more men for the woman if your lesbian,and more women for the men if your gay".I dont think theres anything wrong with that.If your gay theres absolutly nothing wrong with that.For me though.Every gay person i've ever met are awesome. 

 
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October 19, 2005, 2:38 pm CDT

i agree

Quote From: scampy

I am sad bc I see alot of posts from people talking about how homosexuality is a sin and all this stuff. Not everyone believes in the bible, not everyone is christian, catholic, baptist or whatever... 

Once apon a time marrying a black man was a "sin" in society's eyes. It was illegal state to state. Then finally they legalized it. Now when you compare it too homosexuality they say "you can't help what color you are but you can help who you are attracted too". Talk to my great grand father...who was treated as badly as gay people are today just because he was black. He will tell you differently. So why would you want to bash someone just because of who they love?  

  

God says "who with out sin cast the first stone" and "don't judge unless you want to be judge unless you want to be judge".... 

Im very christian. Im striaght, im white,i had a baby at 18.im not racist.I respect if you respect.i drink,i dont smoke.I lie once in awhile.Now you may have your bad and good opinions about me, but you cant judge me.so worry about yourself,and dont worry about gays and lesbians.I have no problem with that.If your happy and you found who you want to be with for the rest of your life.Then be that.I understand what it says in the bible i read it all the time.It was Gods option to make us,But if it was such a big deal to God ,then he also had the option to change the who we are.But he didnt. he let us be who we are.SO let everyone make their own decision.You dont have to make theirs. 

-Sheena- 

 
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October 19, 2005, 2:44 pm CDT

I totally agree

Quote From: dodson2_k

I am a Christain and God is my Lord and Savior, and I am Gay.  I would be nothing without God in my life.  I do not agree that you can change form being gay. People say it is a choice, and it's not. If I had a choice why would I choice a life of people hating me because I am different or hating me so much they would kill me. Always watching your back because you never know who will like the fact your gay and who would like to hurt you because your gay. I lied to myself for 25 years, saying I wasn't gay or its just a phase I will grow out of it. Praying that i want to be normal. But what is normal anyways? I was depressed all the time, always wanting to kill myself because I had this secret inside of me. I was 25 when I first started to slowly come out and each time I told someone I loved it felt like this big weight that came off of my shoulders. I have wonderful parents, that accepts who I am and just want to see me happy. I am 29 now and I have not been happier in my life. I become more open each and everyday. There are only a few family members that I have not told yet. People say the Bible say's being gay is a sin or you will go to Hell. In the book of Ruth, Ruth was with a woman, and there is another part where two men are together. God is the only one that can judge me and if people want to judge me then they can, but they are sinning just as well, because God say's not to judge people. They say we are all a part of God, God made each one of us different and in their own special way. Well I am just one of those parts just as each and everyone of you are. We are all special in our own way.

Im glad your standing up for the gays.even though im striaght. and 18 with a baby.people judge me,but i dont listen.Im glad you dont either.I hope you find someone you love and spend the rest of your time with.God Bless!!! 

-sheena- 

 
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October 20, 2005, 1:17 pm CDT

it happens..

Quote From: lt6290

 I am currently a sophomore in high school, and I've been dealing with name calling, backstabbing, and mean glares all my life from my peers. But unlike most girls, I really dont care whatsoever what jugemental girls have to say about me. I come from a wealthy family, I get good grades, and I am class president. People that haven't even met me already somehow decide they don't like me. They claim I am stuck up and think I'm better than anyone else. Anyone who gets to know me would tell you otherwise. But for some reason people always need someone to pick on to make themselves feel more powerful. Girls in middle school even threatened to cut my hair off.But I am stronger than that and i know that I only have to please myself, and in a few years I won't have to deal with these immature people anymore. I am called Slut when I wear a tank top ion 80 degree weather, girls really will find anything to poke fun at. In most cases, they probably just are jealous that you can handle their comments.But it's the girls you can't take this kind of behaivor that i feel for. I talk to some classmates who cry and complain over unacceptance and I only try to tell them that those girls are not worth crying for. I could easily fit in by drinking and such. But i choose not to participate in those things, and i only get punished for that. But in the end, it will be worthwhile. Everyone always says high school is all about friends, but i dont think thats totally correct. I guess what I'm trying to say is most friends will come and go, they will stab you in the back. One good friend is all a person really needs. So don't waste time on the ones who just want to impress( if you have to change who you are, it not worth it), focus on your grades and your family. Because most likely in the end they will be the ones by your side. Why does our society dwell so much on being accepted and well liked? We can't please everyone. Don't be afraid to be outspoken and opionated.I personally think the world needs more people to not "fit in."

Yea things like that happens. 

Between 6th-8th grade. There is a lot of drama,and nobody to trust.But You just got to be cool about everything.I've never had school drama,because i never talked crap,i would just go home and complain about it to my brother and sister, if there ever was something that was bothering me. That way you know it wont go around the school.And thats when rumors begin to start happening, if you even tell your closest friend.Just chill and kill it with kindness.Pretty girls are always jealous of pretty girls.But in that situation you just have to deal with it.Who cares.Theres always other friends out there.You've got Family.So lean towards them... 

-sheena- 

 

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