I am 34yrs and divorced my daughters father after 12 yrs of marriage,
he actually left us for another women and her kids. The oldest is now
16 yrs old she was your normal kiddo growing up very lovable NO
behavior problems what so ever. Then we divorced in 2000 she was then 10
and in 2003 she went totally out of control, ran away from me etc. She ended
up going and living with her dad for almost 2 years till he quickly realized
I was not lieing she was becoming a major handful ( behavior wise).
He sent her packing back to me in 2004 she had at this point became sexually active,
breaking the law, drugs, 2 suicide attempts the list goes on. He had her in counciling
there and a diagnosis of psycho social disorder and adhd and they were medicating her.
Which was only working about 40% of the time. Again he sent her back to me after he had enough
and her behavior started causing martial problems between him and his current wife.
He sent her back and telling me , he did not want her back she was not welcomed back period.
I never told her of these statements I am not going to devistate her more. Since I have had her I to took her to a Psychologist and after he and I pondering over how her behavior is. He diagnosed her
with Bipolar, major depression, etc. We took her off the med's her doctors had her on while with her dad. Wow all I can say is that I was Blessed with a good doctor the first time around, the medications
have given me a totally different child , went from straight F's to within 5 weeks on the medications
to high C's, low B's and she earned her own way out of the local High schools behavioral managed class room ( very structured) even over a year later she is still doing Awesome. Very focused ,goal oriented, and looks back at the things she had done in past as major stupid. Anyway no I am not a fool ,I to this day have not let my guard down with her. Though her doctor tells me the Bipolar etc is
hareditary and she will have to be medicated for life etc. I do not want to believe this I think
this is a clear example of a product of a very bad divorce of the parents. Plus of course only this being on top of all the other teen pressures of today. She is not mature enough to know how to deal
with such tramendous (pyschological issues). I think the medications for now help her to stay more
focused on the normal daily demands of life at her age and clouds out all the other stuff, she shouldnt have to deal with anyway. I hope that she will beable to stop these medications once she has gotten older , more mature in knowing how to deal with various stresses in life.
Your right mental illness does not go away but a person can learn/mature through counciling
and other experiences how to deal with them in a more structured /rational way . We can't change the past but we can control our future in learning how to not let it make us what we eventually become .
Its hard and I do blame myself and their dad for being selfish and not taking into consideration
the anger,hate, etc we grew to have for one another and allow it to bleed over and effect our children whom were totally inoccent of it all. I will be forever by their side to hopfully absorb all the
hurt , pain etc they may feel which should not be their feelings at all ,they did nothing wrong.
Anyway I am detrmined to be there to give them what they need to help restructure their futures.
I owe that to them, I wished their dad seen it this way to but again we literally hate each other even
after 5 yrs we do not get along. I will strive each day to let them grow up and project their own
feelings, thoughts , wishes and dreams about the kind of person their dad is without injecting my
own negative perceptions. I also believe with God'd help they will continue to grow up and have their own happy healthy lives. Despite mine and their dads stupid inconsiderations, selfishness and corruption we may have very well brought to their lives.
Hope this helps it was I felt simular to your own struggles. God Bless :)
