I am 22 years old and I've been to hell and back. I have 2 wonderful kids by a man that beat me, raped me, and even tried to kill me. I put up with it for 2 1/2 years and finally one day I had enough. I met him when I was 18 and fell head over heals. After a month of being with him, I found out I was pregnant. Three days after I had my daughter he raped me until I passed out from all of the pain. This was the first time he did anything really horrible and after that it slowly got worse. I left him when my daughter was around 13 months old. I suspected him of touching her in a sexual maner. Then long behold I found out that I was pregnant with my son 1 week after I left. We got back together, but didn't live in the same house. When I was 4 months pregnant with my son, he tried to kill me because he didn't believe it was possible that he could "create" a boy. I never really saw him after that, because I fled the state in fear of my life and my childrens' life. But what I don't get is that I think about him for most of the day. Justice wasn't served to him and I feel like finding him and killing him for what he's done. He only got 20 days in jail and because he worked he could serve it on the weekends. I never told anyone what he did to my daughter, because I don't want her growing up knowing her dad touched her. He also doesn't pay any child support and didn't have to pay any medical expenses because I had help from the state.  
 
Right now I'm with a great guy. He's done everything for me. He's even helped me get a new car so I wouldn't have to drive around my old one that is damaged from ex kicking it. My boyfriend has even talked about getting married and adopting my kids as his own. I guess you could say he's a saint or even the greatest guy alive for everything that he's done for me. But I can't stop hurting inside. I constantly think about killing my ex and the ways I could do it. I've even thought of hiring a hit man to take him out. The even more sad thing is that I'm a good person and I use to go to church, but now I can't because of where I live. I want to give up so bad that it's taking up the time I should be giving to my family. I'm too embarassed to go to a doctor and tell him I'm crazy. What other methods are out there that will help me deal with all of this, because I don't know how much longer I can stay physically sane.