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October 19, 2005, 9:58 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: bacohen8

 Yes I am glad they are not having sex, but what is happening to them and their ideas about women is being poluted. Take a hypothetical situation. Suppose they start to gravitate toward S & M sites. They will become programmed that this is what they like and then all women like this. They will never be able to have a normal relationship. Suppose they become fixated on Big Boobs, they will never give a woman with out Big boobs a chance. Women come in all sizes and shapes. They need to learn that women are people not a collection of body parts that are used for getting off. This is not something that a Teen ager should be answering, Why in the world are you even bothering to read this??

Well I think it is something thaty a teenager should be answering aswell 'cause it is still a two sided story here, and that a reply by a teenager will give you insite in why they look at it. 

  

Unlike children only condemming it and punnishing it maybe will NOT work. That has to do with the nature of teenagers. Teenagers are in general somewhat rebellious towards authority because they are inventing themselves. 

  

I myself wouldn't be as worried about the porn, I know from personal and my friends experience that looking at porn is not as much about the sex but much more about curiosity about what sex can be. What you should talk to them about it and make sure they keep perspective and know it is a film made to generate sales (like you make sure they know that an action movie is cool onscreen but you shouldn't walk into a building and kill every one there.) 

  

Then when you talk about it make sure you speak to them as equals as adults, even though they are not it will prevent the "I hate authority" mechanism to kick in. 

  

Also keep in mind that if you take the porn away you won't take away their thought and more inportantly their friends. I know for sure that many boys who have an internet connection will at one time have looked at porn out of curiosity, at school we talked about it quite a number of times. 

  

And if their interrest will shift towards (BD)SM it will probably where there interrests lie not because they have seen porn. I for one like redheads more then other haircollors that doesn't mean I have seen only movies with red-heads in them. And even if they look at BDSM that doesn't mean they will want it themselves, porn can be the visiualization of a "dark" fantasy you wouldn't dare dreaming of acting out for real. 

  

And I'll make it more shocking, children as young as 10y old will talk about sex with their friends, not about having it but more in the likes of YOU SAID BL*WJ*B!! gighel gighel they will not know what most of those words will mean but the'll use em anyway.  

  

That means that sex education has to start not later then twelve because it is much easier to write on a clean sheet of paper then a full one. And remember that the smallest gestures can make a profound impact, I remember that when my dad talked about sex with me he closed the curtains, for him it was because it was getting dark my interpretation at the time was on the other hand that it was something that you shouldn't be seen talking about. And it made a profound impact 'cause it is the only thing I can remember from that conversation. 

  

Remember also that you shouldn't only tell the nagative sides of sex! CHILDREN ARE NOT STUPID!!! They know that there is a multi billion dollar porn industry  and know that if sex only had negative sides to it that there wouldn't be a porn industry at all. So also talk about the positive sides of sex and of course don't forget to talk about the condom (and the pill for girls better to safe then sorry) This will also take out the being bad if you have sex side because if you're a teenager bad often equals cool. 

  

Also remember that the age on which teens have sex for the first time is 16,9 years in the US (study by durex 2004)  so the 16y old is actually at the age of having sex be glad he's only looking at it. And hey perhaps he even learns from it (how to keep it interresting for instance) in a recent television show in the Neterlands in which teens (though the teens came not from the Netherlands originally) said they looked at porn just to learn new positions and so. 

  

I know that it isn't what you want to hear but it is the truth, sex is just a part of growing up and porn just fufills the teens needs to be educated about the subject. 

 
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October 19, 2005, 10:32 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: wynative

My daughters are 15 and 13, my 15 year old is constantly having to ask boys if they think she is pretty, or putting herself down in hopes that they will say the opposite.  She has also been lying alot about stupid things, like what she did for the summer or about drinking, sex, volleyball, boys.  I have gotten on to her MSN messenger and tagged stuff and found out that she has done stuff with boys sexually.  I have had talks with her before and actually taken her to the doctor because I found out she was with a boy in a sexually compromising way.  She said they did not have intercourse, just oral sex.  She often states to the boys on msn that she will do anything to get them to tell her things or date her.  This behavior scares me to death.  I have talked to her before and she assures me that she understands what i am saying and that I am right. Then she goes and does this stuff.  The boy that she hung out with at a home of parents that were home at the time and have parties for the kids, so they won't be out drinking, she has aslo been with his brother in a compromising way.  Please give me some advice as to what I should do!  I am very concerned and worried.

Though I don't know you're daughter, by you're discription it seems as if you're daughter has another problem then being sexually active, I think she has a low self asteem and tries to make up for that by being 'cool' in any way possible and sex has been made cool in todays world. 

  

because if she would be just sexually active she wouldn't be asking boys if she is pretty, she wouldn't be lying about the other things you named either (at least not a lot, spicing thing up is quite common between teens) 

  

I think that the situation that you're daughter MIGHT be in is quite dangerous because she MIGHT do a lot of things just to get the attention and to feel pretty which won't work ofcourse. 

  

But I can't give much advice because you first need to ask yourself if she has sexual contact with lots of boys just to get attention or just with one boyfriend, because even though fifteen is quite young to have sex for the first time it is not uncommon. 

  

Also you will need to asses how much she lies about those things, is it on a dayly basis or just once a while to spice up her stories. and to whom does she "lie" (and more importantly to how many, she might just want to impress a boy) and are there :P smilies with that message indicating she tells it for fun.  

  

Maybe you wan't to ask her about her selfasteem but be carefull if you ask it to directly she'll just say everything is fine, ask her lot's of questions on which you can base what kind of self image she has. (e.g. how went Volleyball today? if she answers with fine or bad and the likes ask "What did you do" or "How did you do") if she answers with small answers you won't get any wiser "provoke" her to give longer answers. Also make sure she doesn't get the feeling something's up so make sure you don't ask to much more questions then you are used to. 

  

And again as I said in the last post make sure you talk to her in an adult way because she'll say anything if you get of her back sort to speak. (nothing personal it's just how teens work.) Also talk to her that she shouldn't be to careless when it comes to sex because before you know it your known as a slut which I'm sure she's not. 

 
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October 19, 2005, 11:12 am CDT

10/19 "I'm Gay, OK?"

It might be my Dutch view but I'm thinking that this whole discussing is nonsense. Who cares if their son or daughter is gay he or she will be just as happy as any straight person. And even if you want your son/daughter to be straight you shouldn't seek "help." You wouldn't seek help if he or she wanted to become a mecanic while you want him/her to be docter? (though I'm not suggesting being gay/bisexual is a choice) 

  

If your son or daughter tells you he/she is gay let het celebrate that and join in yourself aswell because they have found their true identity. 

  

And what sicko ever said every gay person schould have a trauma? I know of enough gay's which dont have a trauma. 

  

And another thing why do you supress gay's with things liken no gay marrige and religion? WHAT ARE YOU ALL AFRAID OF? 

  

Besides why do you hide behind religion to condem gay's? Religion can change to match the current world, because if religion was a static thing how come that we have hunderds if not thousends of religions across the globe? 

  

Why don't you just accept gay's the way they are? 

 
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October 19, 2005, 11:24 am CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: delaneyme

17 +? In America, you are not an adult until you are 18. AND She lives under her parents roof. she should respect that.
Being an adult doesn't neccecarily have to do anything with it, In the Netherlands you're indeedan adult at the age of 18 but as of the age of 16 you can decide over you're body including having sex or not with whom you like.
 
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October 19, 2005, 3:38 pm CDT

10/19 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: melgibson

I do truly believe that it is a sin in the eyes of God - being gay that is...   

Anyone can pick up a bible and read that being a homosexual is a sin in the eyes of God.  Some say they can pray and nothing happens.  Are they a born against, blood bought Christian?  If they are - then keep praying.  God has three responses, Yes, No and Wait.  Just because something does not happen when and how you want it to does not mean that God is not listening.  My question is this:  (if you are praying to God) ARE YOU LISTENING to God?  That is the larger question.  God does not make any of us gay, he did give man (woman) FREE WILL.  And this is where so many get confused.  We have free will and CHOOSE to let the devil take ahold of our hearts.   

I have gay friends.  I do not judge them, but I do not choose to hear all aspects of their lives.  I do not share my sex life with my husband with them and I expect the same respect.  I had a gay friend that chose to NOT be a part of a marriage ceremony because the government would not condone her marriage to a woman.  I do not love her as a friend any less, I just pray for her lost soul.   

Leviticus 20:13 

Romans 1:18-32 

1 Corinthians  6:9-11 

I think it is sad that society wants out youth to think it is okay to make this choice 

May God bless you all 

M G 

You say it states in the bble that being gay is a sin, yet you also state that man has a free will, and here is my problem: 

  

It was man who wrote down the bible NOT god maybe by devine inspiration maybe not who knows, isn't it possible that some one might slip in a few ideas which served his own purposes? (remember we have free will) 

  

Furthermore the bible has been translated many times from it's original Hebrew to Greek to Latin and from there on into the modern languages don't you think there might something be lost in translation? 

  

And by the way didn't Jesus die for our sins? And why would you hate gays? Wasn't one of the ten commandments love thy neighbour? You say you don't hate gay people yet you say they are taken by the devil BY CHOICHE!!! You question there faith, that doesn't seem nice to me, you just hide your hate or fear behind religion. And that has happenend before with religion, suppression of the blacks for instance because they where not as "good" in the eyes of "god" to name one. was no more then hiding commercial interrest behind religion. 

  

And what you say that being gay is a choiche, well though straight I can assure you that it's not a choice to be gay otherwise I think there wouldn't be as many gays or do you think it is fun being scolded for being the devil all the time by the likes of you? That people are tring to change you into somthing they think is "normal"? Or not having the same rights as straight people? or having a smaller pond to fish from for a mate? 

  

America says it is a free country and it is, just not for everyone I guess otherwise gay marriage wouldn't have been such an issue and people wouldn't have to be changed all the time.  

  

I dare you to proof me wrong America! 

 
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October 19, 2005, 5:39 pm CDT

10/19 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: rgdyanne

This is to EVERYONE who claims that GOD made them homosexual or their sons or daughters homosexual or their friends homosexual. That is a LIE!!! It is a lie perpetuated by the ultimate liar, Satan. I don't care if you believe in God or Satan, that doesn't negate the truth of their existance. 

  

But let's just put aside the issue of belief for a moment. Let's put aside the spiritual issues of homosexuality. Why don't we just address the purely physical issues of whether or not being homosexual is natural. 

  

GOD did not make, or create, or cause to be, homosexuals. IF He had He, being GOD, would have been smart enough to equip humans for that purpose. Apparently, this god you claim made you homosexual is pretty stupid.  He forgot the anatomy required for this purpose. If men were meant to have sex with men then they would have vaginas, too. If women were meant to have sex with women then they would also have penises. OR, both "sexes" would have the capability of naturally growing/changing the aforementioned parts. And then, we wouldn't have men or women but dual sexual beings equipped with the capability of doing all the things associated with a dually sexual creation.  YES, there are naturally occuring creatures who can change their sex this IS how THEY were created, NOT humans. Being homosexual is a psychological and emotional choice to do something that is a perversion of how humans are naturally, NATURALLY, created. (and if you don't like my choice of the word created because that implies a being that would have had to create then use the word evolved, it is still just as applicable.) 

  

Ah, but then you say homosexuality is not about the physical, it's about the emotional attraction towards a same-sexed person. Well, you're wrong. It is not about the emotional attraction to a same-sexed person. Emotional attraction to a person of the same sex is about compatibility and connection which is totally outside the realm of the sexual. I, a heterosexual, have "emotional attraction" to my girlfriends, my mother, my grandmother, my aunts because we have a connection and a bond and a commonality that creates a relationship. This does not mean I want, desire or need them in a sexual manner. Homosexuality, by it's very definition (look it up in the dictionary if you don't believe me) is the SEXUAL attraction to persons of the same sex.  So also are the definitions of Gay and Lesbian. 

  

In closing, no one, man or God MADE you homosexual. It is a consious, willful, choice that you made. OWN your decision. TAKE responsibility. QUIT transferring ownership of that choice to others. And, while it IS your right to be treated decently as a human being it IS NOT your right to have your decision universally condoned. 

Now I don't want ot b*tch about it oh wait yes I do want to b*tch about it: 

  

You say "But let's just put aside the issue of belief for a moment." and only three lines later you say: "GOD did not make, or create, or cause to be, homosexuals. IF He had He, being GOD, would have been smart enough to equip humans for that purpose." 

  

I'm sorry but to me that is religion, I'm sorry you assume that every one believes in one god of some sort yet that issn't true I'm affraid We've got Buddists, Hindoes, Atheïsts and many more religions that don't believe in one god or god at all. 

  

Anyway back to the issue "God" also forgot to make the humans strong enough to resist the temptation to eat the apple of the tree of knowledge. As a matter of fact he kikked us out of paradise for a mistake he made. not much of a self critic, eh? And then he only made two of everything so that the offspring is forced to have sex with each other also known as "incest" which is illegal in de US and the Netherlands alike  

  

Even better we are, according to the bible sons and daughters of murderers since Cain murdered his brother Abel and then had sex with his mother since Adam and Eve din't have any dauhgters. Personally I find the story of our creation in a supposedly holy book much more disturbing then the suppossed sin of homosexuality. 

  

Even more God has created man in his own image so I'm sorry God would have had homosexual tendensies aswell wouldn't he? 

  

Then you say that man hasn't the equippement to be with one of the same sex. Well I know from relliable sources that gay men an women cope quite well with the equipement they do have. and maybe it wasn't for nothing our pleasure parts of the genetals evolved outside of the human body instead in inside. 

  

Then you speak of the emotional bond but you know the thing with emotional bonds is that they aren´t all of the same cathegorie and not all of the same intensety. I as a man will have an atracction to women in my case yet if I have a daughter I won´t feel physical attraction towards her, if I see my mother I won´t feel a physical atraction towards her, Most women on the street I won´t feel a physical atraction towards them, yet if I have a girlfriend/wife I will feel a physical attraction towards her. That doesn't mean I don't love them I just love them in a different way then a (potential) partner. The same applies to gay people they feel different types of love for each man/woman. And may I remind you that even hate is a form of emotional bond you feel towards one just a negative one. 

  

In you're closing you say that it is not their right to have that decision universally condoned but they have: I quote from the declaration of Human Rights 

"(...) 

Article 1.

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.  

  

Article 2.

Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.  

(...)" 

And yes I know the US didn't sine it but the rest of the free world and much of the less free world did. 

 
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October 19, 2005, 5:52 pm CDT

10/19 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: blessed23

Many people think that their sins are justified, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THEY ARE!!!! Have you ever heard of NAMBLA? Some pedophiles feel that they should be able to have sex with little boys legally. They think they are right. Should we have to accept their sexual preferences too. Should we support them? Sin is sin, and there is no way around it. Just because it feels good doesn't make it right!!!

I find it interresting how you can compare pedophiles with homosexuals, the two have nothing alike! Pedophiles are troubled men and women that most often have had an abuse history themselves. I'm sorry but homosexuals haven't been abused had trauma's or anything ! They just feel a different atraction as opposed to having a deeper psychological problem which pedophiles have. 

  

Further more sex between homosexuals is consenual. sex with children ain't and you many straight sex isn't either (rape anyone?) so use real argument next time instead of saying there bad just because they are bad children do that not adults 

 
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October 19, 2005, 6:33 pm CDT

10/19 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: mommyjenna

 It's so strange.  I've been looking through the many posts and the many accusations of people who 'hate gays' yet I haven't seen a single post from someone who's stated they hate gays.

We love people but we also love God and feel that His word is very clear on the subject.  And who are we to say that we should ignore these scriptures?  Do we know better than God? Do you?

The Bible was originally written in Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic.  Whoever the translators were, they were meticulous and there is archaoeology like the dead sea scrolls and most recently a 2000 year old copy of the book of Leviticus to prove that it's perfect.  The translations can be trusted. 

I haven't seen a convincing 'born gay' study yet.  All of them are very vague.  If someone wants to post one that they find convincing, I'd like to see it. 

What about people like Ellen deGeneres' last girlfriend who went from straight to gay to straight.  People go from straight to gay and from gay to straight all the time.  What about bisexuals?  (btw - I love Ellen's show)

I believe we are all tempted by certain sins.  One may be tempted to judge, one to do drugs, one to act on homosexuality.  The devil knows our weaknesses and plays on them.  We can reconcile our sin.  We can steal and tell ourselves that the company we are stealing from is rich, they won't miss what we've taken, and we will only steal this one time.   In the case of gay people, the vast majority of people are also helping them reconcile this sin, by stating, it's okay, you're born that way, God won't judge you, we won't judge you.  Well, is this really love?  Telling someone that they won't be judged for their sin when God seems to sure make it clear that they will be judged for this?  We Christians are here out of love.  Out of love for God and a love for people.

Is it possible that gay people have slowly convinced themselves that they are gay?  We've all had thoughts that we know are sin and we can either dismiss them or accept them and continue to dwell on them.  Can you imagine trying to convince a KKK member that all races are equal?  Why would this be so difficult?  Because the KKK member has told himself lie after lie after lie. He's dwelt on lies and convinced himself that he is right.  Well, we all know he's wrong. 
But people are convinced of lies all the time.  The entire country of Germany was convinced of a major lie that started simply with probaganda films. Hitler said, "If you tell a lie, loud enough and long enough, the people will believe it".  On the subject of homosexuality, we are all being convinced of another lie.  This lie will not bring genocide like Hitler's lies, but it also is contradictory to what God has clearly stated.  The damage will be done to the individuals who are believing the lie.  

Some have stated that they've known they were gay since 4 or 5 years old.  Personally I don't think kids have sexual attractions and it's almost dangerous to suggest they do at such a young innocent age. 






1 Yes they don't directly state they hate gay's that is the problem they state it via a detour "religion" because as I said,  somewhere it also says love thy neigbour and the bible states so much more rules yet only some are picked up on depending which one you need for you're cause. 

  

Then I wan't to acknowledge if it is true that the translations are indeed correct but that doesn't take away the fact that they where written down by human hands. Many stories are also older then christianity and even judaïsm and many stories are written down centuries later then they are thought of or happened. I ask you pick one hunderd people and let them form a line, say a small sentence in the first one's ear wait 'till it reaches the end of the line and see wich sentence comes out. or another one start some gossip a little thing now wait some time and see what that gossip has grown into it might have started out as holding hands and ends up having had sex. 

  

And no I don't no where state that gay's are born gay but in there development in puberty they just aquire the taste for the same sex, I know of many gays who have had girlfriends. what I dispute is that they had a choiche. 

  

You talk about the reconcilliation of sin yes it can be done and in the middle ages it was quite profitable aswell where you could buy of murder provided you had the money. 

  

You qoute Hitler "If you tell a lie, loud enough and long enough, the people will believe it" Well not suggesting jesus has anything in common with hitler but he was loud, twelve oppostels and a whole bunch of followers that is loud enough to spread a lie (not stating he did, just saying he could have) 

  

And how come that if anyone says today he is the son of god that you will riddicule him and put him away in an institution yet you all go to church to see someone who claimed to be the son of god. And don't say anything about the miracles here applies the gossip story I told earlier. 

  

And no I don't believe in god and I have thought about it a long time and I do not condem anyone who does believe in a god or 20 gods for that matter. I just hate the way Religion is misused for Apartheit, suppression, war and all that, Religion was ment to make for a good relation with god, the after life and your inner self yet it is now being used to feul war and hate (wether against another religion or gays or blacks or whatever.) 

 
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October 19, 2005, 7:17 pm CDT

10/19 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: blessed23

That's like saying God makes people pedophiles, rapists, murderers, and thieves. He gave us the free will to choose to be these things. We all have to struggle to overcome a sinful nature. Just because we desire to do something or something feels good to us doesn't make it right.

Pedophiles rapist and murderers did not have a choiche most of them had to endure some form of abuse themselves they are people who need medical attention and are in a way sad people, they are the creation of an unloving and unforgiving environment. They mostly did not have a choiche! 

 
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October 19, 2005, 7:21 pm CDT

10/19 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: mommyjenna

 I'm not sure who is 'hiding' here, because both sides claim to be Christian and therefore the Bible is the authority for both of these sides. 

If anyone is hiding, it seems to me to be the gays. I haven't seen them post any scriptures yet that shows that God condones or accepts their livestyle. 

I'm not sure why there is debate among which version to use either because they all seem to make it pretty clear.

What is your truth?  Is truth really relative?

Take the OJ Simpson trial.  Some believe he killed Nicole.  Others believe drug dealers killed him.  Others believe he was framed by white supremists!  Well guess what?  They're all right. 

Personally I do not believe truth is relative.  That's why it's called 'truth'.  And there is truth when it comes to God as well.  There's a real story on how we got here, why we are here and what will happen in the after-life.

If truth is relative, then those in India who allow baby girls to die have found their own 'truth.'  Cannibailitic tribes have found their own 'truth'.   Morality is based on these supposed 'truths' but aren't you glad you are in America where the truth is, or at least once was, built upon morals of Christian truth?

So where do you find your truth?
Yes truth is absolute yet the problem is that humans cannot see the absolute truth there vision is being troubled with there own expieriences and interpretations of the absolute truth. And we are for starters 3dimensional beings while there are eleven we cannot cope with the absolute thruth even if we hadn't had a history yet
 

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