Messages By: twininwy

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October 19, 2005, 4:08 pm PDT

it will be ok.

Quote From: tpicard

I've taken the steps to end this relationship, now I'm scared. All the doubts he has put in my head are running wild. He's leaving me everything, but now I have to pay for everything too. I've never done that. I'm self- employeed and my checks don't come on a regular time. Everyone says just stay busy and try not to think about, but how can I not. I sell real estate in Ca, but never had to really work at  it. Let me say was never really allowed to work at it. Now I don't know if I can keep a roof over my kids head and food on the table. Please help!
I too was in a abusive relationship about 20 years ago.  I did not have an education, a job, nothing but a 2 year old! There are programs out there that can help you.  Go to your local social services and find out what they are. Keep working hard at your job, and things will happen for you.  I would also suggest you get some kind of counceling to help you get over the doubts he put in your head.  It worked for me, and it may work for you. I am now happily married to a man that I have been with for 18 years, we have two children, and my life is so much better!  All of the hard ache (and there was plenty) was worth it! hang in there.
 
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May 12, 2006, 4:23 pm PDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: purplepain

My question is, why did she marry this man in the first place? Did they not discuss their roles in the marriage before hand?

Guess I'll see if that gets answered.
What I think happens (or at least it did for me) is that these men are nothing like what they become when you get married.  My  Ex-Husband was wonderful when we were dating.  He was prince charming, and we talked about EVERYTHING!  But after I said "I do!"  the rules changed.  So after 5 horrible years I divorced him.  We will have to watch and see if that is the case here.
 
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May 14, 2006, 7:45 am PDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: cparker

i agree with you.  i was told that the women change when the "i do" comes out.  i have been with my spouse for 12 yrs and i am still with him and love him more than anything in the world, but i truly believe that when they say "i do" it becomes something of what they expect or desire.  i think it is the whole son leaving the mothers nest or something.   They need to be taken care of.  I am sorry to hear that yours didn't last any longer than 5 years but I am very set in my ways that I will get what I want out of this marriage and it will soon be my turn in this.   I have to in a happy sense in this that I am getting what i want and need finally and it has taken a long time to get there.   So if anyone else is reading all of this that might agree that the men are sweet talkers in the beginning and then the demanders in the end well they are and it sometimes does get better.   Hang in there! Or do even better and get the upper hand in the beginning before the "i do" comes about.   Good Luck!   
Good for you for doing what it takes to make it work!  My first marriage did only last 5 years, but what I expected out of marriage, and what he did were so different that there was no changing him, or me for that matter.  This was a long time ago for me, and I am now married to a wonderful man, we have 2 children and I have been married to him for almost 20 years!   So marriage can be great!  Sure we have had our share of ups and downs but it has been worth it!  So yes you are right, it does get better!
 

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