Messages By: Sioux2462

Greetings Dr. Phil. 

  

Love your show....think your great...but don't agree with response today about the 4 year old.  

  

So what if he wants to play with "girls" toys...or dress up...he's only 4 years old !  That's called imaginary play. Get over it. This 4 year does not need therapy (agree with you on that). 

  

So what if the kid is gay...tell mom that she needs the therapy if she is afraid that her son is going to "become" gay. It doesn't work that way. Besides that...being "homophobic" is the problem here....being homosexual or heterosexual or bisexual are not "choices" or "things" that are going to absorb by osmosis !!!!!! 

  

Thanks. 

  

JBF 

  When I grew up, my grandmother would always tell me "men come and go, but your children are your children forever". I didn't understand what she meant at the time, now I do, but my daughter doesn't. (By the way, my mother abandoned me for "her man").  I have been a professional for 18 years, and am ashamed to be in this terrible situation. My daughter receives support from the government, but t he government money supports my daughter  and  "her man". The children are a meal ticket for their "love".
As I sit here typing, I am listening to vintage Billy Holiday, and the recurring themes are "me and my man" "he beats me" "I am on my knees" "whatever my my man is, I am his forever more"  "my man, I love him so"...etc.... clearly, this is not a new sickness.  All for "the man she loves". Is that not sick? An adult who will trade everything in life for the "current"  man that treats her like crap. It is mental illness that apparently is like a sunami, no warning, no where to run, and no hope that the grandchildren will survive until she is dead or incarcerated for life.    I do not understand why my daughter has chosen to remain in habitual abusive relationships, as this was not in her upbringing. When this started, I remained of the "tough love" position ( I was punished by denial of seeing the oldest grandson because I refused to fork over money). I watched her father (my ex) enable her behavior/actions, and now there are 2 grandchildren at stake, neither of which chose her lifestyle options. I have been through the legal route with the first grandchild. The legal system does not protect the children and my financial security was devestated, my career jeopardized, and I walked away from my true love (the drama was too stressful).   Now, with the second grandchild (second man), it looks my daughter still has not changed, except that I am alone to carry the burden. I will not jeopardize anymore of my financial security, (my career).... so I wait and try to protect my grandchildren from this sickness as much as I can. I try to hide my exhaustion and frustration from the children. I am physically tired. I "take care" of my grandchildren 80 % of the time. No money to her, just safe haven for the kids. I am seeing no positive resolution to her behavior and the trauma it brings to my grandchildren.    Yet, I must live for at least 20 more years, so that I can raise my grandchildren and continue to pick up the pieces, as I anticipated that my daughter will be dead before I die....  killed by an abusive boyfriend and/or will be incarcerated. I  must candidly admit that I would be relieved if she were dead, as then my grandchildren would be free from this sickness that she brings to our life. Is that not sick also?
So, as I send this letter out to the cosmos..I expect nothing to change. But, if by some chance there is a way to stop this sickness...please share it with me. I saw the list of "self help" books for this situation but can only read one...so which one??