Messages By: flitrflies

Oh boy...I don't know how to put this. Well, I have a 'blended' family. My 3 oldest children they are very comfortable with a lavish Christmas. I suppose I overloaded them on the presents when I was with their father (divorced 2.5 years now, I won sole custody of them 1 year ago....still going through transition). It has been an emotional and extremely difficult few years for all of us.  

My husband (common-law) puts the roof over our heads and pays the bills. He has his own extracurricular activities and that's it. I support the children, food, clothes, and school stuff on CTC (in Canada we get child tax credit, money from the government for children based on our income...different from welfare, I wish I could get). That at times runs out 1.5 weeks before I get my next cheque. So we are eating KD and wieners very often, sometimes 4 times a week. My husband eats at work.  Gosh I feel ashamed for even sharing this with all of you.  

Budgeting, I think I do a most excellent job! All considering. When extra events arise, new school supplies/clothes; when the school told me the children needed indoor shoes as well as outdoor shoes, I cried. I scrounged to buy them new outdoor shoes, as I have been doing since I left their father, indoor too ... I have to cash-in beer bottles, honestly. Hallowe'en (no store bought costumes). Thanksgiving and we are not doing the big family thing, so I have to find money for our own feast.  

My husband, bless him, I am very grateful for all that he has done for my children! After all, I wouldn't have them if he didn't buy us our house (the children lived with their dad and his sister and I lived in with my husband's family's house; I was very unstable at that time) and he paid for a good lawyer...I think that's what broke his bank account. He doesn't financially support the children, his daughter....yes he will give me money if I need it for her, but wait, she's only 10 months old still. The children's father...DBD, dead beat dad. He hasn't seen the children since I was awarded sole custody of them just a little over a year ago. He calls every so often, though I always allow them to talk to him, I wish he would just go away. He doesn't pay court ordered support, nothing.  

Money is always an issue. And stress on everything, well being, marriage, perhaps resentment towards my children from their step dad, I dunno. I think the children walk on egg shells, they never know what mood I'm going to be in. They bring special meal day forms home from school, and they are in tears. They know, they ask me if I need help going to the beer store. I don't drink, sociably. My hubby...yup he does!   

I sigh, money truly, if you are use to a better lifestyle and have to go to a much lesser way of living, money depresses me. I mean I understand it all, but the children, how, will they forgive me, will they adjust, its so sad.  

Christmas.......so they are use to getting everything and anything they ask for, which is ridiculous, I know. That's how I was raised. As my beliefs evolve, I believe it's a religious holiday and it's much too commercialized, it should be spent making gifts from the heart and spending time with family. Pioneerish. But the kids see it as, I want this and I want that, they other kids have all the new toys and gadgets. But I just can't get over my own guilt for not being able to providing  them with the lavish Christmas that they are use to.  

This year none of my children, daughter 11, 2 sons, 9 and 5 and baby girl 10 months, don't believe in Santa, as they have been told from their new friends. I told the children that Santa might not come this year and not because they behaved badly yesterday but because I just don't have money to buy them presents. My daughter says not even one present from you and her step-dad. I say nope. Tears form in her eyes.  

How do I deal with the emotional stress. It's already starting. I'm edgy, short tempered, I'm yelling at them all the time, i just can't deal. I sleep when everyone is home, so I don't jump all over them. My husband is starting to ask what's wrong with me all the time. I just don't know how to manage my emotions. I  don't know if I should stick to my own beliefs your do I save the beer bottles and try to get them stocking stuffers......I think money is truly EVIL. 

Thank you for your reply and great Christmas ideas. I suppose I am the one who is centering on the commercialization of Christmas. Perhaps I should teach my children what I want to learn about the true meaning of Christmas. It's a lifestyle change, and it's very hard dealing with the family's emotions. 

Beer, you are absolutely right. However, my husband doesn't see it that way. It's his 'hobby' and he won't give it up. If I run out of money before the next cheque comes, then I should have managed my money better even if I had extra expenses that month. That's just the way it is.  

I keep reminding myself that I should be grateful for all that he has giving me and that the children and I are together. I guess I can say at least we have KD to eat! I think we all wish things were better in our lives. 

My appreciation for your concern is greatly appreciated. I live in Orangeville, ON. 

My ex...in the last year he has been at seven different places of employment and residents. He has always worked. However by the time I figure out where his is living and working, and I report him to the FRO, he is on the move again. It's so very frustrating.  

The FRO can only garnish paycheques and collect money from support payers, only if the support payer is stable and isn't trying to hide from the law. The FRO is trying to set court dates and start court proceedings, which will put a warrant for his arrest out, however all this takes time, a very long time. The FRO always gives the support payer the benefit of the doubt. All the while, my ex owes me over 10 grand. I will only see that money if he voluntarily pays the FRO. If at anytime he starts to pay and then stops, the money stops as well.  

The recreational beer drinking ... perhaps if I were to receive an 'allowance', I wouldn't complain as much. LOL ..... 

I think women who aren't comfortable with there own sexuality have a real hard time letting ~their hair down ~ in the bedroom (or where ever you have sex!).  

Having 4 children, I have had many 'ups' and 'downs', if you will, when it comes to playful times  the bed. I love to have sex in public places. However, I won't be the top person in the bedroom, my thighs are too big, and I'm afraid I'll squish him. Seriously.  

I have even brought another woman into our bed so the three of us could play out our fantasies! There were no conflicts because of our threesome.  

Love and sex, for me, and I am now finding out for my husband, has it's ups and downs. My husband and I use to has sex everyday. That was just a few years ago. Now I'm lucky to have him once a week, sometimes I think he just gives 'it up' for his own release. I think about sex constantly all day long. I'm not sure if it's my 'sexual' peek or if it's hormones. I had baby, she's 10 months. The first trimester of my pregnancy, I was a 'nympho'. I was even masturbating twice a day. I was totally out of control. My husband also has a new hobby. 

Although he has always had an interest in video games. He started playing an on-line game ...  Final Fantasy X1. It's a role playing game. For those of you who are familiar. He plays it ALL the time. It has even caused problems in our relationship. And now to our sex life. I think he even thinks about play the game while we are having sex. That's probably the reason behind us only making love once a week. His thoughts are occupied by the game and not of me. I have had numerous conversations about the 'game', but he just doesn't get it. I have even told him I'm going to find a woman for myself! He doesn't see anything wrong with that!  

Funny how I can totally tell the nation about my sex life. I think it is absolutely important in a marriage. For both partners to give themselves to their mate, even if they have a headache. Every one loves sex. They just have issues sometimes that need to be dealt with. Don't ever hide behind the fact that there is something else bothering you therefore you don't want to pleasure your mate. Think of all the calories you'll burn! Sex is a great outlet to release stress also. Just do it!  

 As with any other aspect of a marriage, each partner has to have communication, patience and be able to compromise, how else are you going to get what each of you desires. 

 Happy Love Making 

Perhaps I shouldn't be posting when I'm HURT... 

Straight to the point. My husband, of 3 years and a 10 month old baby :o), comes home, late, last night and tells me I should do those vagina exercises. Where in the heck does that come from?  

Apparently, he was discussing (and how my vagina comes about in a conversation ??????) this with his GAL PAL.  IT'S MY VAGINA. Where does he get off bringing this topic outside of our marriage?  

I thought the past few weeks of our relationship were starting to mend after all the emotional and hormonal unbalances I was coping with. We were starting to reconnect with one another. To find out that he thinks my vagina is a gaping hole. Damn. And he couldn't come to me and tell ME, his WIFE.  

Am I not a female? I know all about kegel exercises, yes I was doing them after I had our baby. But the 6 weeks I had to wait before I could make love with him.... when we did and I noticed he wasn't enjoying it, I stopped doing those vagina exercises. 

I feel violated. Embarrassed. I know this is a normal thing to have happen after pregnancy, she is my fourth baby, why couldn't he find it in his heart to ask me, to tell me another girl. I feel like he cheated on me.  

Does she now feel proud? They do have this flirty kinda relationship, and I never said anything about it, nor do I care, but there is no justification to discuss my vagina with her, a buddy okay I wouldn't feel this way I would take it as helpful info....I'm so hurt   

The biggest question on my mind is how this conversation came about, did he ask this to make me look bad? 

I've told him all this, but he just sees it as being helpful, for his own satisfaction/pleasure, I'm guessing.  

Now what happens when I see her? Is she going to be thinking... did she tighten up her situation or is her vagina still flabby? 

Oh did he talk about his personal problem with her...No! That might make him look like less of a man. I have never ever told anyone, not even my bestest friend about his problem. I have tried to discuss it with him, but he just ignores the topic, even though, and from the beginning of the relationship, I took notice of it.  

I can't believe this.   

Perhaps the both of you should watch the show together. She's prolly hearing cruder things at school or other peers. She be taught that sex should be romantic and passionate, most importantly. respected. Wouldn't you want to teach her what you think is appropriate.  The show could spark the conversation. I would also think she'd be very curios as to what's going to happen to her. Her emotions. 

Do you really think I have issues. It seems very normal to me.  Other then my issue of my husband presently plays RPG game and has no sexual interest in me. Which I might have found out HIS problem concerning that last night. I posted in Discussion Board - Sex...lol go figure!! 

I know my husband loves me and I fall in love with him more everyday! There was no conflicts between us concerning the threesome. I think women are beautiful and the whole experience was very passionate. Maybe I'm 'Bi-sexual' ... yahoo! 

As for having sex in public places, I would never ever have sex in a place where children would be able to 'catch' us. That's flat out wrong. I'm talking about private public places. The woods, the van .. hidden places really. Just not always in our bed! 

My children understand that I believe sex is natural, it happens between two people who love each other, that sex only happens when you get married (even if that never happened with me), that they have to respect having sex b/c of all the downfalls that could happen to them if they aren't careful!  

I have been teaching my children about sex since they were little. To respect them selves and to be comfortable with their sexuality, I never taked about sex or anything realted to sex with my parents. 

SEX today is EVERYWHERE, that's where are future is SEX SEX SEX. You can't change that. Embrace it. Love yourself I say!  And let others love and accept you too! 

I am so comfortable with my sexuality and very secure in my relationship. I never regretted it. I would invite a 3some into our relationship again! 

To *eachs'* own ..... Morally, did someone write the laws on Morale. Shouldn't I have my own? I think we should share each other just as much now as we did in the beginning stages of our marriage.  

Of course one doesn't always have to have sex...gosh, like I'm some horn dog *.~  I love when my husband holds me all night long. Feeling safe and secure in his arms. Yes there definitely could be more romance !!!!!!  I'm just really satisfied, overall, that we are comfortable with one another to be able to accommodate our love making techniques ! ! ! 

Blessed Be 

Never......I do respect other's comfort levels. 

I would never have sex if I had a headache. Lord knows they always lead to migraines. 

I think I just have extremely high levels of testosterone  ( *.~) 

I love Moaning! I'm not sure how my husband likes he, though he hasn't ever said anything about it, so I guess it works. Occasionally, I get crazy, dirty talking, not too much talk. My hubby doesn't say a word. I think he just likes to concentrate. 

Achieving an Orgasm is hard if a gal doesn't know her own body. They'll just have to figure out what works for them. When I first met my husband, he is my second, always, he always gave me an orgasm. Or perhaps I was so in tune to my own feelings and pleasures ... I just let go, no insecurities nothing to worry about. Very spiritual. After that I knew how to achieve and orgasm.  And I let it happen every time we engaged in love making.  

In my first marriage... gosh, i never like having sex with my husband. I'd think of every excuse to get avoid the chore I could. LOL  now I just think of my hubby and I wanna piece of him!!!  

I do think it's fantastic to be virgins when you get married. Just finding out how each of you will respond one another is thrilling.