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Messages By: catfish05

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worried
October 21, 2005, 7:07 am CDT

disagreement on punishment

My 13 yr old daughter brought home a bad report card. It had a 50 in math a57 in language and a 69 in science. the rest were A's and B's. She was grounded all last year( yes the entire year) for C's. She shows pigs and we raise them she has learned alot from this. And she has won many things. This is something she is very good at and something that she loves. She is in extra  help for math. My husband is very strict on her. He has taken all the pigs away from her I mean sold all of them, he has grounded her, and now he thinks we should just be mean to her everyday. He spanked her 3 times last night because she did not have the amount of math problems done in the time that he allows. I think this is alittle extreme. He has only been her father for 4 years.( her real father doesn't care. He stated that he would sign away his rights to her so my husband can adopt her. which he does want to do.) He thinks because he can feel as if she  was his own she should automaticaly feel the same. I mean she loves him. but now she has made the statement she does not want him to adopt her. How can I explain to him he is hurting the situation? 

I think that he is extreme and that he still need to make sure she knows he loves her. 

He told her last night he did not want her to say anything to him about school because she was a lier. because she lied to us. I think that he should still offer for her to talk to him, then we can check it out to find out if she is lying. 

Any advice will help. 

 
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Stressed

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November 7, 2005, 10:17 am CST

still disagreement

My question is how do I get my husband to listen and understand my views on this. I love him and don't want to leave but he is always right on disiplining our daughter. He has been a teacher for many years. so he says he has seen what happens to kids depending on the way they was raised, but I just think he goes over board. I mean for lying and getting bad grades the disapline is selling all of her show animals, grounded, and she has to do school work after school until bed time and if she does not do in an hour what he thinks she was suppose to she gets a spanking. 

Last night she got 3 spankings for not getting done what he thought she should have done. 

She told him she was going to be a vet. when she grew up. He said yah right with these kind of grades you are going to be a dump truck driver. I don't think he does her any good telling her things like that. I told her she can be one she just has to try hard to get good grades. 

But he calls her special ed, stupid, retard. things like that I do not feel this is good for her. 

I am not saying she is always doing what is right or good. I just think this is hurting her more than helping her. I have talked to him about this over and over again but it doesn't help. I am 3 months pregnant and do not want to leave. just want him to stop this. How do I make him understand? 

She has already told me this week she wants to move out. 

Help please. 

 

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