Messages By: jennife72

Quote From: tngirl33

My sister has a 12 year old daughter and a 10 year old son and they are totally out of control. they are way over weight because my sister eats out all the time and she lets them eat what they want when they want. My 12 year old neice tells my sister what she is and isnt going to do. She beat me up a couple of months ago! yes my neice! and my sister blamed me! i cant stand to hear her son's voice. he is so spoilt that he screams out loud when he dont get his way and it doesnt matter where you are. He torments my 7 year old and my child loves him! He is sneaky mean and wont ask me for anything..he will yell "mommy' as loud as he can until she answers him and  if he wants her to come to him she does.  He whispers her ear to ask for something in my house! makes me sick. The other day he and my son were playing and y son ask him where something was and he told him"if it was up your but you would know it!" is it wrong that I cant stand to be around this child? My neice is getting Fs on her report card and my sister grounds her for a day and then it is over..she has recieved several letters from the school about her behavior and my sister blames the school and says they are picking on her child lol. What is wrong with them?

Quote From: cpknight

This girl and her best friend deserve each other.  You need to not get involved with either of them.   It sounds like "Amber" just wants to  have her cake and doesn't care about anyone or anything. 

  

You're better off with out her 

  

Since you don't go out to bars much, what about church, or some type of club activities, like ballroom dancing, start going to plays, start doing things by yourself/  In my home town newspaper there is a section of clubs of interest. So after christmas I will be joing one of them.  Maybe that's an idea for you.  Just a suggestion.  I am a single parent of a 15 yr old son and in a few years, he isn't going to be around at all, so I need to start doing things for myself. 

  

Good Luck 

Quote From: prinscb

I'm about an hour south of you.
Are you having a good holiday season?  Mine could be better, but then again, it could always be worse.  My fiance and I aren't buying presents for one another because not only do we have a wedding to pay for, but we're also wanting to move this spring.  Plus, to make things worse.....he's wanting to trade our boat in on a new one this spring as well.  Yikes!
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!  Hope to hear from you soon.

Quote From: zatlynn

While trying to log onto the site yet again today for Dr. Phil & Robin's Holiday contest I got interested in this board about parents disciplining their children.  I am a 50 yr old mother of 4, 3 of whom are grown, and a daughter who is 7.  Due to my circumstance in life I have a few friends younger then myself due to my daughter and their's being of like ages.  As a single parent for the past 13 yrs. I have seen a change in the overall quality and quantity of parenting with our younger single parents.  I think one major problem is that our young people are not taught anymore then we were how to be parents.  We all know that there are certain adult issues that are never to be discussed in front of children.  My friend spends almost every waking moment with her daughter.  This is not a right or wrong issue in my opinion, however in that they do, the daughter hears and overhears everything that goes on in my friends life, both the good, the bad and the dysfunctions.  I have learned through a couple of unfortunate experiences that if I do not want my daughter to know something that is going on I cannot tell my friend as her daughter hears of this and then it gets back to my daughter at school or social functions.  She has far more knowledge then she needs to have at 7 yrs. old and comments on far too many adult issues that she should know nothing about due to this.  My daughter is a trusting and believing soul as with most at her age, and at the moment I am afraid that she will learn that there is no Santa Clause due to this.  She has already made comments that Christmas is bought. My friend and I have discussed this and other issues as she is an important person in my life to be able to talk things over with.  In the past we have had behavior problems with the girls that I finally began to handle in an authoritarian way when she is in my home. This is working so far.  My friend and I are both comfortable in my disciplining her when she is at my home.  We both love having the girls spend time together but cannot tolerate the amount of friction, etc that can happen at times when they are together.  At times we have performed in front of them as we see them act as a joke to get a point across to their behavior (this only worked momentarily).  Now I just have adopted a zero tolerance for any kind of misbehavior and abuse between the two of them.  It got to the point that due to the lack of "control" or discipline with my friends daughter that I did not want to spend time with them.  My daughter who is an only child now for the most part desperately wanted the company, however too did not like the difficulties.  With divorce (or having never been married) so much a part of our culture these days, it seems to me more importantly then ever is a need to educate our younger adults how to be parents.  I am not a perfect parent by any means and do not intend to imply this and I for one continue to read and educate myself on this still, after having raised 3 children.  As far as spanking goes, I had a dear friend/minister/father figure at one time who put it like this:  Discipline is teaching (or should be).  In order to teach a child you must first get their attention (in some way). i.e the idea of having them look directly into your eyes as you explain what is expected, then you know you have their attention.  If you cannot get there attention or find a way to get their attention through the withdrawal of priviledges, etc., then a swift pop on the behind with the intention of getting their "attention" is what this (in my opinion and what was shared with me) is all about.  To me this all equals "love" of your child and love of yourself and accepting the serious responsibility of rearing these young people to be socially acceptable persons.  As a young parent I too took the long hard road thinking I was being my child's friend or whatever.........and it just made the road harder for them and myself.  I like the phrase "do not do anything for your child that he/she can do for himself" this builds a strong, self reliant person of character and responsibility.  Being a parent does not mean being a slave.  If we as parents do not get it for ourselves, we are not going to be able to "give" it to our children and we are doing everyone a diservice in the long run.  Being politically correct has taken (or in the process of trying to take) "In God We Trust" out of almost everything in our lives that America stands for.........let's not take it out of the rearing of our children...............or God help us all, and our future.

Quote From: tkebobby

We can all say that as a result of good parenting a child should become and adult who does/doesn't  ________. We can all fill in the blank with hundreds of things good people do or don't do. But How do we get there?  

  

Good parents start with good people in a good relationship (between spouses)... opposite or same sex. Before I go any further, I need to address that statement. Children need to have two adult in their home lives to give them the best opportunity to live a full life. At a very basic, superficial level the child gains one of two things: a) two incomes (and a whole host of things associated with socioeconomics)  or b) the full time attention of at least one parent. I understand that their are some situations where this is not possible (and shouldn't happen) I.E. Death, abuse (physical, verbal, or psychological), neglect, etc. However, the growing trend in the country is to leave our spouse for reasons other than those examples. I'm not claiming that children of single parents can't thrive, I know many who have. What I am saying is that those people had to overcome a lot of unnecessary hardships. Furthermore, putting children in those situation when it is not necessary ought to be illegal!  

  

But what is "good?" 

"having desirable or positive qualities especially those suitable for a thing specified"  

"full: having the normally expected amount" 

"moral excellence or admirableness" 

I could go on with the technical definitions (and feel free to consult a dictionary if you want more of them) but isn't "good" a subjective term? Isn't "good" relative to those things not seen in a favorable light? Then who am I to call someone a good parent? Who are you to say the same? Maybe it's not our place to call someone a good parent. But we do it every day in our society. I'm not talking about judgments you can I make, I'm talking about adoption. Two people who have a one night stand, with no intentions of having a child, can have a child no on is going to tell them otherwise. But if two perfectly willing people, who physically lack the ability (one or both) to have children, want to adopt we as a society make them jump through a number of hoops to prove they are "good" people who can provide a child with the best opportunity to live a full, healthy life.  

  

So, someone has defined what a good parent is and frankly no one argues with the idea that we should screen adoptive parents. So how is that so far fetched from licencing people to parent? Yes, there are some "bad" parents who slip through the cracks of the adoption system. But, there are by far and away more "bad" parents who had absolutely no regulation what-so-ever. How can this idea offend so many when we use the same screening process on (mostly) very willing couples who want children? 

Quote From: italiana13

Hi everyone, 

  

     just wanted to stop in and wish you all a safe and happy, healthy X-Mas.  Hope you all have a Fantastic New Year. "2006".   Joy to the World..  

  

italiana13 

inspiration13@rogers.com 

  

ciao for now:) 

xoxo 

Quote From: cathyjul

I agree its never to late but I believe its hard to do what you don't know. Read some books get some ideas and get a backbone with those kids. If you can't do it when they are little you will never do it when they are older.  

  

My son earns bingo chips for good behaviour and looses them for poor behaviour. He gets spending money. TV and computer time for his chips. I bought an white board and its in a place where he can see it and I keep score for the week as to what he has earned. If they persist anking for something tell them they will lose chips. For me if I ask him to do something once and he does it he gets three, if I have to ask twice he gets 1 and it I have to ask a third time he owes me three. Another strategy is if your not sure avoid the word "No".... say I need to think about it, we will see. That way when you say No they will learn that you mean it. Last once you say it there is no turning back... Make it so!  Good luck. 

Quote From: feng456

first i think it's strange that all 3 would have this problem. second are they all really young...? because if one is like 5 or 6 they should know about aiming... 

  

maybe they just do it for attention? perhaps you can confront them about it. also i think making them clean it up themselves would be a good discipline tactic. 

  

good luck! 

Quote From: jettav

Hi every one, Hope you all had a great Christmas and that the New Year will bring many great blessings.