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October 24, 2005, 7:47 am PDT

Mommy on the brink

I am a divorced mother of four. My 15 yr. old daughter lives with her father and the other 3 live with me and my fiance. The past year we have had problems with our 15 yr. old shop lifting, smoking, getting uspended from school, sneaking out at night, low grades, and showing no respect for her parents, family, and siblings. This past weekend was my weekend for her to be with me. It started off pretty good, I even let her have a friend come spend the night. When I woke up at 6 am Sunday morning she had left with her friend in the middle of the night. I was hysterical, I called her father and we went looking for her. She was found late sunday night. My ex-husband and I discussed what we had to do with her. I work for Child Protective Services in a different county, so I suggested we contact CPS in his county to let someone help us. He was all for it, now this morning he stated he is giving her another chance and does not want CPS or the courts involved. I cannot sit by and watch my child fall apart. I wish I could send her to a boot camp to or school that would help bring my daughter back. HELP!!!!

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mommmy24

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October 25, 2005, 8:40 am PDT

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Quote From: mommmy24

I am a divorced mother of four. My 15 yr. old daughter lives with her father and the other 3 live with me and my fiance. The past year we have had problems with our 15 yr. old shop lifting, smoking, getting uspended from school, sneaking out at night, low grades, and showing no respect for her parents, family, and siblings. This past weekend was my weekend for her to be with me. It started off pretty good, I even let her have a friend come spend the night. When I woke up at 6 am Sunday morning she had left with her friend in the middle of the night. I was hysterical, I called her father and we went looking for her. She was found late sunday night. My ex-husband and I discussed what we had to do with her. I work for Child Protective Services in a different county, so I suggested we contact CPS in his county to let someone help us. He was all for it, now this morning he stated he is giving her another chance and does not want CPS or the courts involved. I cannot sit by and watch my child fall apart. I wish I could send her to a boot camp to or school that would help bring my daughter back. HELP!!!!

My ex-husband called me at the end of my work day yesterday stating he had to work till 9pm. I drove to his home to pick up my daughter so she could stay with me untill he got off work. I'm afraid to leave her at home alone. I contacted several agencies for help. One was a court appointed case manager that would put my daughter on probation and make her accountable for her actions, behavior, and grades. If she failed any she would go in front of a judge and be placed in a schools school for a short period. My ex-husband does not deem it necessary, but I feel my daughter is out of control. I don't want to back down even if I have to take measures in my own hands. My only fear is that my ex-husband and I have not gotten along since our divorce 7 years ago untill recently. Any suggestions from anyone!! I am grasping at straws.

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mommmy24

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October 25, 2005, 8:49 am PDT

Co-Parenting

Quote From: canadmom

Hi, I'm a 34 yr old separated mother of 3( 14, 11, 8). I have been separated for 3 yrs and still battling the frustration of communication with my ex. We have week on/ week off joint custody of our three children and it has never worked smoothly from the beginning. My middle daughter who is 11 has been living with me through the school year since Oct 2003, approx. 6 months after we split up. This has caused major issues between my ex and myself. She feels more comfortable being in one place during school. I have discussed this with my daughter and her dad, and she has tried to discuss this herself with her dad, to no avail. He is determined that I am brainwashing our daughter into not going the full week with him. She visits her dad every other week from thursday to sunday. Its approx. 6 days longer that she stays here. He said he feels she will be closer to me if I have more time with her. She has wrote letters to her dad, explaining how much she loves him, but she wants a routine and consistency. I don't feel she is staying with me more for the wrong reasons, she just doesn't want to go from house to house. I have been with my bf for 2 1/2 yrs and his 2 sons live with us too. Her dad has a gf who has lived with them for the last year and she has a son that lives with them. Over the last 6 months my other two children have been refusing to visit their dad's house too. I have been trying to encourage them as much as possible and have never held them back or refused their dad access. My oldest daughter at 14 yrs is very close to her dad. They share alot of sports interests and he plays a big part in her life. They all seemed to like their dad's gf in the beginning but now I'm hearing they don't like her. They have said she calls them names and always blames them when something is wrong, never accusing her own son. Their dad is determined he wants that time and what they want isn't important. I have exhausted all options I feel. Lawyers, counsellors, mediation, etc. My ex keeps telling me I should never have left him if I cared about my kids. There is much more but can anyone give me some advice?

Thanks in advance,

Mom in Canada

Glad to hear I was not the only ex-spouse who is going through the same. I have 4 children ages 16-12. Three live with me and my boyfriend of 6 years and 1 with their father. We both have alternate weekend visits. He also has a girlfriend doing the same to my children. When I have tried to discuss it with him, I get no where. Anytime a problem arises with our children I get the same "If I cared about my kids I never would have left." After years of questioning myself I realized, I left for a reason. Staying in a bad relationship is not only unhealthy for you but your children. I explained to my ex that although we are not together we still have to work as a team and if he loves his kids he would hear you and them. As far as his girlfriend goes ask your ex to sit down and talk to his kids about any problems they are having with her, 9 out of 10 times he is probably unaware of how they feel. Hang in there!!

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mommmy24

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October 25, 2005, 8:58 am PDT

Co-Parenting

Quote From: rrmaas

I think you need to go with your gut and get her the help she needs. It is selfish of her father to not want to give her the help she needs. He will feel bad if something hapens that could have been prevented! Good for you for looking outside the home for support. Too many people are ashamed to! Also, maybe getting your daughter some counseling from an outside source may help!

Thanks for writing. Sometimes you know what you need to do, but hearing someone tell you your right helps. God bless.

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Mommy on the brink

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Co-Parenting

Co-Parenting