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  I could call Mary evil incarnate had I not lived in her shoes for many years.  As Dr Phil has said, anger and angry statements are just symptoms of deeper issues. 

   It doesn't matter what the actual crisis or need:  liver transplant, cancer treatment, 2 more college degrees w/ an apartment, new car, gym membership to relieve stress...etc. 

   And it isn't that a wife is unwilling to give 250% to get to a successful conclusion.  Unless a marriage is already in deep trouble, it's just human nature to give all you have to someone you love. 

   The issue is the relationship once the issue is resolved.  To be treated with benign indifference, as if you weren't right down in the trenches digging every minute, can just destroy the soul.  It is very lonely and demeaning to think you're value is no more than what you can provide - financially, emotionally, spiritually.    

    Parents expect to expand monumental amounts of all resources to raise and educate healthy children.  Those kids will grow up and go off to create their own lives.  However, a healthy marriage requires the partners to continually fill each other's needs.  It's never a one-way street.  Roger appears healthy enough to engage in some sort of computer-based, home office work to offset the financial burden.  Beyond that there are many free/cheap things that can be done to make Mary feel more like a valued partner  than a machine.  Everybody has to eat, so make dinner.  Doing chores such as laundry or emptying the dishwasher are not physically demanding, but show that Roger not only loves Mary but understands that the additional demands are physically and emotionally stressful.  And...very few women can resist kind words and  a back massage - mmmm. 

    On the face of it, Mary's statements do seem severe - but dig deeper.  Their home is modest, so obviously Mary didn't nab Roger for his money.  The underlying problems are the need for emotional suppport and some indication that Roger intends to step back up to the plate to whatever extent he can. -  Roger isn't callous.  But as Dr Phil has pointed out many times, men tend to need to be told directly what is needed.  Must be a chromosomal abnormality.....  

Jo Ellen, 

       I just had to take a minute to let you know that my heart goes out to you. Myself I am very ill and have been my whole life. I stayed with my husband for the same reasons I hear you are staying. For me I am now divorced, yes I am broke but the truth is I have a peace in my life and a happiness I never knew existed . Being sick is hard enough  you can do bad by yourself you don't need help! My doctors gave me two years to live in 1982 God brought me here to 2005, if I could change anything it would be the years I gave to a man who didn't love me in the way I deserve to be loved. I am not saying that being broke is easy ( I must live on diability, my meds are about $4,000 every month and that is when I am healthy) because it's not but the peace and happiness I now have I would nevergive up now that I know how it feels to not be deppressed all the time!  I have never posted anything in my life today that wife so upset me I registered and posted , your post broke my heart so I had to write to you too.  Know that you are in my prayers, God Bless, Kimberlyrm 

After being a devoted, and nurturing husband for 30 years, planning all of our finances around my wife, and OUR retirement. After staying home, as a complete "househusband", who was totally involved raising two very healthy, and successful, loving children, at the same time totally involved in the community; AND After my health has degenerated dramatically - I may just have a short time to live. My wife, who had never given herself to me emotionally...tells me she never loved me and our marriage must end....I agree; I've HAD IT! Have no source of income, no security in my life....My wife skips cheerfully off like a junior high schooler, who just broke up with a boyfriend, saying, "Well, people get divorced all of the time...and they just get over it!" I wasn't worth anything to her anymore...certainly not even the few dollars to restore my life after three fatal heart attacks....with my life now shattered...just how do I "start over" ??? 

  Nothing was said about anyone being subordinate, in order to conduct a marriage or to  raise a family by biblical principals. I am not a holy roller, but I do see that a workable plan of PARTNERSHIP was laid out according to that which is in the bible. Please don't put your own words into what wasn't said. One cannot assume that a man assumming "leadership" means that he is ABOVE the woman or exeempt to his part of the partnership (on the home front or anywhere)  or that his doing so makes her a subordinate.  You and your husband may have an ideal partnership that works for you and him. Many do not, and  quite a few married people falsely think making money is the ONLY objective or equalizer of marriage. Many men use this as the power over the woman or to discount her input, choices or role in the marriage as the stay at home mom supporting his goals or children.  This doesn't make the woman  less of the partnership or inferior.  

   I see many  posters making the  assumptions/judgements  that she is somehow inferior in the marriage based on the fact that she has no income of her own.  I suspect  that is why Dr. Phil did not want her getting a job at this point, that only encourages the "wrong" idea that money is what gives "partners"  equal power in the relationship.  

   Where was Micheal's end of the childrearing partnership?  What kind of partner, uses his working all the time excuses neglect everything else or  to cover/justify  his cheating? His providing funds for his family isn't his only responsibility of the "partnership", the marriage or the parenting.  He who makes the money doesn't rule, and I feel sorry that so many women have felt that they MUST earn an income to be "equal" when all they have done is become as money/self oriented as some men.  

    We are born "equal" or a marriage makes us "equal" by the partnership.  That doesnt mean that both must bring in an income to be and to treat each other as equals. It is not intended to be a parent child thing based on who makes the money. True she is now acting childish and irresponsible.......but isn't he hiding behind his earnings to be just as childish and irresponsible to the marriage/family? 

    I am talking about "interpetations", and choices here.  You have an imbalance in his earning power to hers, perhaps he became an MD due to her support on the homefront? Maybe she took on all the OTHER tasks of the marriage and family while he studied, interned, and then worked long hours to support HIS goals for them, and she was repayed by his infidelities and ego trip workalcoholism? One he arrived he "forgot" the partnership entirely. This is only spectulation, but highly predicitible and possible. Guess we will need to see more to unravel how it got where it is now.  

   Think taxes, child care, the long hours he had to put into his job,  and other things and it might not have been wise (in the early years or in the beginning of this marriage,  for her to work, and her working or not  shouldn't be a criteria for her "equality") . Believe me raising children and keep up a home without the benefit of a husbands help 24/7  is work.  Ask any military wife or police wife or someone who has a husband that travels etc. There are many women out there that "do it all" except working outside the home and they highly resent being treated as "inferior" immature or childish based solely on whether of not they get a paycheck for their contributions to the partnership. 

 Isn't that rather sexist?  

      A woman can only be equal if she earns money equal to her husband? Does the power in the marriage come from money only? Is who makes the most money the "equalizer"?  I find this VERY sad and clearly sexists.  

     I am well aware that a woman can be goal oriented and capable of working and making money. COUGH, COUGH. I totally disagree with making money being the only criteria for power/control equality in a marriage. In reality MONEY should have nothing to do with  who is equal to whom. She has taken his "power over her money stick" and whopped him with it. It may have been the only way to get through to him, I don't think the money is all she wants out of her marriage, no matter how it looks NOW.  

      I think we will see it is " money is the equalizer in marriage"  faulty thinking that is at the ROOT of this couples problems. She feels rejected and powerless because he makes that the rules they live by. He makes money and all else is "excused" in his pursuit of the POWER in the relationship he thinks the money was going to give him. She takes some of the POWER away from him by foolishly spending. Clearly both have dysfunctional thinking, brought on by money becoming the GOD in the marriage and the only driving force.  

     Maybe some would never fall in the common and obvious trap of the power struggle using money as leverage, but many do, and this is a COMMON problem in many marriages. The amounts spent seem unbelievable to many of us, but some marriage have similiar money/power struggles, just with less money involved.  

   Would you have married a man that said I am going to earn the money PERIOD!!!!! Where is the partnership in that? Where was his partnership with his wife in the day to day teaching  of their children, companionship with his wife (not his mistress cause he felt sorry for himself and needed an ego feed) , and sharing of their lives and children?  Where is the partnership in spending their money together? Where is he giving any TIME to the partnership? It is a chicken/egg first problem that I have faith that Dr. Phil will unravel. 

   Remember we are seeing what it has become, not what occurred in what order  for it to get there. I don't think he is any more mature than her, and if  "having a degree and a job" makes someone mature it's news to me. REAL maturity is not putting your own needs or ego first. Real maturity is not using your work to avoid OTHER responsibilities. Real maturity isn't cheating or overworking or over spending instead of talking and fixing problems. 

      Perhaps DUE to his long hours she had no options but to stay with their children, at least when they were small. Was her end of the deal to become as callous as he, and dump her kids and become a workalcoholic like him? Should she let her children be alone, so that she can have a job? To each his own. Some women feel their end of the partnership differently. I don't see a partnership at work if strangers are raising children, while both parents go off to "succeede"  or feed their own needs and egos at their jobs in the pursuit of money. If necessary for survival it's one thing  and some chose this or have no choices here, others do not have to work for survival and it is always a mistake to make money the GOD or the  the ruling or controlling "equalizer" in a marriage.  

You have one of the most intelligent posts I have seen here in a LONG TIME. This is much more meaningful than the posts of advertising to marry him when they don't even know the first thing about his personality or character. 

I grew up in an upper-middle/upper class environment with lawyers, doctors, business owners and their kids. This problem is NOT unique to this couple and is VERY ubiquitious. I would even go as far to say that this is the norm in wealthy suburbia. Many of the well off husbands over work themselves and are never there emotionally or mentally for the kids and the wives are out racking up credit cards. I have known doctors with pregnant teen and even pre teen daughters and a ton of CEOs who have kids that are abusing hard drugs, like heroin. Many of the adults are alcoholics and abusing perscription pain killers like oxycotin and ativan as well as the illegal stuff like coke and heroin. My parents are not like most other upper middle class people and I am glad that they raised me different. 

People see well manicured lawns and nice cars and women and children smiling wearing nice clothes. They don't see the screaming that goes on behind closed doors, or the drug use, or the manipulation. I remember one time in primary school, when my mom dropped me off another mom talking to her girlfriends saying "Now he can't afford to divorce me!" right in front of the children. 

A lot of people are shocked by Michael and Bridgette. I am not shocked at all, having witnessed these types of situations and worse in well off homes. A lot of people, especially women, are seeing Michael as the victim and saying that they would love to marry him when they don't know the beginning of the dynamics of such a volatile quagmire.  

Michael is trying to portray himself as the victim of Bridgette's scheming. He is a smart man and was a fully consenting adult when he married her and knows exactly what he is doing. He could have closed the credit cards and the checking accounts but he does not and just has a "poor me" attitude. I can't feel sorry for him and neither would I want to be involved with such a man. 

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and we are currently both in college.  We attend seperate schools which are 7 hours apart.  Therefore we dont see eachother all that much.  When we are home and physically togehter thigns are wonderful.  But when we are away at school he lies, cheats, and decieves me.  It has gotten to the point where I just am tired of questioning him and alwasy feeling like hes up to somehting.  Last year was his first year away and since we are so young (21) and neither of us is ready to be 100% seroius it was left that the relationship would be open but we werent supposed to get consistent with anyone else and if we did we were supposed to break it off with one another.  Needless to say he started seeing someone behind my back for over 5 months.  I found out about her from her and then he admitted everything.  He then ended things wiht her in hopes that we would work things out.  He has made it clear to her that she is more for convienience and I am the one he is in love with but she is so insecure she will take whatever she can get wtih him.  This happened 2 or 3 times.  We always get back together and then its stressful becuase there is no trust and then I find out he is lying again. This time he says really he is changed and he would never wawnt to hurt me again.  

He makes me feel like I am the center of his world.  He alwasy tells me how much he loves me and we plan a future together.  But I dont want a future with a liar and Im so young I dont want to waste time. I just dont knwo if this is something that he will grow out of because he is immature or if this is one of those cases where I sound like an abused vicitim making excuses.   

I have a humorous and ironic tale about infidelity! 

Years ago when I was married to my first husband he cheated on me.  I had gone to a friend's dinner party and our roommate had a huge party.  I found the evidence (used condom) on the floor next to our bed.  At first he said the guys were just playing around blowing up the condoms (I didn't get close enough to it to examine it), but then when we were lying in bed he told me he had slept with someone in our bed during the party.  I became so livid I made him throw the bed away and buy me a new one.  He told me details about the encounter to try and make me feel better, things in extreme detail about her sexual skills that put her in a very bad light.  So the next day I went in to work and a dozen red roses showed up.  A lady I worked with asked what they were for.  I told her the whole story, going into the extreme detail about the sexual encounter as my husband had told it, how this girl wasn't very skilled and it was the worst sex of his life, etc etc. 

I kept asking him who it was (I really did want to know), but he wouldn't tell me. 

Several months later while we were living in a different place, he told me who it was.  Come to find out it was that coworker of mine who I had spilled the beans to, without realizing that she was the one I was talking about.  I started laughing really really hard.  He asked me what was so funny.  I told him, "Hey, remember the day after that party where you cheated on me?  Well, when I went to work the next day I told S all about the gory details!"  By this time I'm laughing so hard...but my husband was not so amused.  He was completely embarrassed and mortified. 

In short, I got my *revenge* without even realizing it!  

This was the first but not the last time he did this to me.  I'm not sure why people want to be married to someone they are planning on cheating on anyway (stability, I suppose).  If you want to play the field, be single for cripes sake!