Messages By: missme

I read the show online and was moved to tears.  My deepest sympathy goes out to all of Caitlin's family and friends suffering through this horrific tragedy.   

After reading not only this discussion board but many and reading through various messages from women who are suffering or have suffered at the hands of an abusive partner, I felt the need to post.  Women going into and in new relationships need to respect themselves and have the courage and ability to recognize these potentially abusive men and get out while they still can.  I'm finding it difficult to find the words to relay exactly what I'm trying to say but this I know: 

When a man tells you how to dress yourself: that's a red flag 

When a man tells you how to behave: that's a red flag 

When a man (not the father) tells you how to raise your child: that's a red flag 

When a man tells you where you can go and how long for: that's a red flag 

When a man doesn't let you see your family and friends: that's a red flag 

When a man trys to control everything you do: that's a red flag 

It's not an expression of how much they care about you: it's control.  And they aren't going to change or get better, they are going to get worse.  And I think alot of these men that we hear about that do these terrible things have enjoyed and needed the feeling of control for so long in their relationships, that when they lose control, they simply can't handle it.  And in a perfect world, every parent would have the abilities and tools to teach every child about self respect and how to let and not let people treat you, but sadly every parent doesn't and every child doesn't grow up vowing to not be controlled or disrespected by anyone.   

One of the first things Jan said was that her daughter Lauren thinks money grows on trees and falls out of the sky.  Hmmmm I wonder why?  Because it just falls out of Jan's purse and pays for everything and apparently Lauren doesn't have to do a thing while her parents together work 3 jobs.  PATHETIC!!  I'm really tired of parents who are doing such a disservice to their kids.  Why wouldn't you want to teach your children (from birth) that money doesn't grow on trees and that you have to earn money to pay for what you want in life?  Instead of "don't worry Mommy and Daddy will provide you with everything your little heart desires" and then when you do go out on your own, you don't have a clue how to live within your means and budget.  Well if Jan and Jim do ever cut her off, they better be prepared to pay off the credit cards she will probably rack up to pay for the kinds of luxuries she's enjoyed her whole life.   

And parents say oh well their such a great kid, and do well in school, so polite and well behaved; they deserve to be spoiled.  Well whether your child is a mini Mother Teresa or not, they deserve to be taught these life skills and not grow up entitled and spoiled unless Mommy and Daddy plan to provide forever.  And alot of parents seem to be like oh we'll pay for everything until you're out of college and then you're on your own.  But when they get out of college they're screwed because even if they do get a good job (which isn't guaranteed) there is no way they can afford to live like their used to.  

Not too long ago I saw a news article on the Yahoo website that a woman was smothered by her hoarding.  She was in a spare room that was heaped with clothing and other stuff, and a huge pile of clothes fell on her and smothered her.  I think she was initially reported as a missing person because her spouse couldn't find her, and it took rescue workers two complete house searches before they found her under the pile.  My parents never hoarded things and my mom was a good example by trying to stay organized, going through the house every so often and giving to charities or throwing things out; however, I know hoarding is a big problem and my sympathies to everyone who has to deal with a hoarder!

I missed the first show with Corey but went back and had a look.  I was surprised to read that he was a firefighter.  My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years has started a career in firefighting since we met, and as a result I've seen him go through the application process at a couple different city departments. Fire departments generally attempt to hire people with high morals and integrity (these days anyway), not to mention men and women who are respectful of others.  Not sure how Corey squeeked through, but ya I'd guess that this might be giving him a bit of trouble at work, since this coverage would be pretty embarrassing for his hall.  Maybe I'll watch Tuesday and see what he has to say, but unfortunately for him, you don't get a second chance to make a first impression, and I'm not sure who taught him that disrespecting women was okay (maybe daddy) but maybe he should work on that if he'd ever want to have a lasting relationship.