Messages By: airabell

Hi everyone, I am about 5' 4" and I weigh about 280 lbs. Thats after loosing 24 lbs. I was working in a restaurant one day and I had to go out in the dining room. While I was out there one of the male customers replied to another (loud enough for me to hear), "I think if it wasn't for fat people the world would be a much more beautiful place". I was so upset, I wanted to say to him "do you think I like to be this fat"? What a small mind he must have. I have read some of your stories and I think I will look for Dr. Phil book on weight loss. I have tried so hard to loose weight. I have tried slim fast, laxatives, sticking my finger down my throat, weight watchers, the cabbage soup diet, and many others. I am thinking about getting surgery but I feel it wont help if I can't get my eating habits under control. I feel so fat and unlovable, my husband doesn't say much to me but when he sees an over weight person he says "oh god will you look at that", or says to one of his buddy's " there is one for you" and laughs. What am I supposed to think he thinks about me? Everyone keep writing and I think that with all your ideas I might be able to do something about this. Nice to meet you all mental. 

My heart goes out to these women. No one should go through what they did.  BUT why did they put up with the **** when it was going on?  Even Robin, Phil's wife, has said she told Phil to step off when he got overbearing in their marriage. I  have also in my marriage and so have the husbands to their wives.  No one  should be a doormat to anyone. We all need to learn to speak up for ourselves and say how we feel. As Dr. Phil has said many times.  We teach others how to treat us. So teach them from the beginning---when dating---what you will put up with and what  isn't allowed.  They should know this up front, not after 32 years of marriage.  

Husbands are not the only unfaithful ones in a marriage.  Wives can be the one just as easy.  That is what happened to my hubby.  His wife started running around with her boss and they decided to go off to lala land with each other divorcing their spouses around the same time.  My hubby was devistated when she told him to get out.  Only when the women do it they  also want to take the children with them and start a new life and the old husband better drop dead or else.  It didn't happen that way since my hubby was always a good father and wanted to remain so even though he wasn't wanted as a husband anymore by her. 

So when does the first husband get their show? And when does the second wife get their show?  I didn't meet my hubby until three years after his divorce so I in no way broke up that marriage  nor would I ever think to do such a thing.  I put myself up too high to wait around for scrapes from a married man.  I put my hubby first and he puts me first.  

He is a wonderful husband to me and I think it's because we laid the groundwork for a good marriage.  Dating for three years to get to know each other's values and personalities. He learned his lesson the first time around and told me to tell him what I was thinking.  He never wanted to have to read my mind like he did with his first wife.  I think his divorce taught him lots of things about other people and what to look for and avoid in a new mate. 

I hope these women can learn the same lesson when they get on with their lives.  If they don't they will end up in other disasterous relationships.  My Hubby's ex has been married three times now and divorced three times.  It is always someone else's fault when she is unhappy.  We have the power to be happy or unhappy in our own hands.  When you realize that you will be free.   

The second wife is put through hell since the first wife plays games with the kids to get back at the first husband and I'm sure lots of second husbands have to put up with the first husband if he wants to play games.  So when do these people get their shows?  And of course the kids of divorce, the most innocent of all who are put through hell.  When do they got their show?   

Hello everyone, 

I just wanted to post a message out there to all interested in our story.  Thank you to those that have supported us and I appreciate the comments from those not so supportive.  After reading these messages, I hope you realize that you don't and never really know the full story from a 1/2hr show.   Just to clear up/clarify a few things that were not discussed on the show.   Derek and I had been dating for two years and living together for the last year prior to me getting pregnant.  We loved each other and had discussed marriage on many occasions.  So I do believe our son was conceived out of love.  We had some "issues" in our relationship but were not at a point of breaking up.  NOW I am NOT saying what I did was right at all and I do feel incredibly guilty but I cannot take it back. I was ready to have a child and that was very selfish on my part.  With that being said Derek did not have to marry me, that was totally his choice.  And when he asked me , he was happy and excited about our life together and our unborn son.   

Quit honestly , Derek may have appeared "stunned" or "shocked" on the show but he basically knew all along that I had deceived him. I told him I went off birth control the day I found out I was pregnant.   We talked about what we should do and we BOTH wanted to get married.    

As for our son...I don't want anyone to feel bad for him. He is sooooo loved by both of us and is such a happy, well adjusted  2 1/2yr old.    The show made it sound like we fight all the time in front of our son..and this is just not true.    He will know that his mom and dad conceived him out of love and he doesn't need to know the deceitful part.  If he finds out at some point later in his life, we will address it at that time. But trust me, he is loved very much and we are both great parents. 

As for us as a couple..we have been seeing a great therapist provide by show.  And ironically the shows topic has not even been a topic of discussion.  Derek and I are working on our relationship and things are improving.   

Thanks, 

Stacy 

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Dear Dr. Phil 

Since this past March I have not spoken to my daughter, we had a disagreement again.  Then this past October my husband (not her father) and I made an unexpected visit to her home (we thought maybe she wouldn't answer the phone).  What a surprise from her?  She said she would have liked a phone call but we knew she would yell some more and then we would not see our grandson.  Our relationship is in constant conflict.  She asked us in, we got to visit with our grandson.  I phoned her at the beginning of November (she wanted a phone call when we be visiting and asked when it was convenient to see our grandson.  She said her husband and her decided that we can no longer visit with him.  I have waited a long time for a grandchild and now my daughter is punishing me.  I also have a terminal illness and I don't have tons of time.  She is expecting another child in March 2006 (which,  the way things are going we won't see).  She said if her and I cannot have a relationship then we can't see our grandson. .   

There are two sides to every story.   During those months that we did not speak there was more peace and harmony in our home.  Mother's Day came and she sent me a card.  I immediately returned the card.  I was very angry with her.  Sending a card will not make things better.  What she didn't realize was some of the side effects of the stroke that I had in September2004 are being irrational and argumentative.  She knew I had one but did not connect the two.   According to my doctor, what I am saying and doing is not unusual for a stroke person.  I also have many numerous other medical conditions.  I don't need STRESS.  It just makes my illnesses worst.  

The initial disagreement stemmed from my daughter asking if we would babysit our grandson  the Saturday before Easter.  We have never been asked before to babysit him.  We were excited and said yes of course.  She asked if we would stay over night then we could celebrate Easter at their place.  She phoned 2 weeks before Easter and asked if we minded if they went to her father's family for Easter (because her Grandmother's husband had died and she wanted to be with them).  I don't care about that family, my daughter made plans with us and I'm getting sick and tired of her changing plans.  She changes plans most times.  We don't know if we are coming or going.  She is very controlling.  She said, the other families are happy to make changes just to see her and her husband and her son.  She is an only child.  A demanding child.  A spoiled child.  

I don't see that she is a very compassionate person.  When she came to the hospital to visit, it felt that she was not visiting because she was concerned, but because it was a DUTY.  My husband saw that and my friends saw it to.  It's not my imagination.  I feel she is a cold fish, 

She yells and screams at me over the phone.  When I have gone to her home to discuss matters with her, she says that she doesn't feel like it anymore.  I feel that I'm in a no-win situation with her.   

I've talked to a lawyer and our laws do not include grandparents.  And I don't to put them through the courts.  I don't want to be responsible for something going wrong with the baby that she is carrying.  Plus the grandchild.  I don't want him subjected to any of this mess. 

Please, please Dr. Phil , what can I do to help me cope with this situation.  What can I do to help US cope?  This STRESS is not good.  I don't want to loose our grandchildren. 

Sincerely, 

DC