Messages By: katrin

I am very interested to see this show, mainly because it is something I am dealing with right now.  For the last 2 years I have been making excuses for his behavior but this time when I found out he came home, after being out of town, to the locks changed, his stuff packed and gone and me out of his life.  I have heard everything I have wanted to hear from him but I have learned that he is good an telling me what I want to hear but not so good in following through with what he says.   

I have found our relationship carries much a parellel to the cycle of abuse - things get better (honeymoon period) things start to slide, I catch him with another ad on a dating website, it blows up, it gets better, it starts to slide...well you get the idea.  I did not go back this time as I figure if I do all am I telling him is it is okay to treat me this way, because there are no consequences for his actions.  But I will not be treated this way, and I do not want my son to think that this is how you treat women.  He says he is going to go to counselling.  I told him if he completed 6 months and then I got to talk to his therapist about how he is doing and the progress they feel he is making then maybe we can talk about other stuff, but sadly I am not holding my breath 

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I cried myself to sleep and then woke up crying for almost two weeks, my wedding is cancelled, I had to take personal leave from work at a job I just started at (fortunately I have the most understanding boss in the world) and I have a very confused little boy who's main concern is "who is gonna love you mommy if *name* does not marry you?".  but with it brings a freedom of choice and freedom of autonomy.  I now control my life instead of him controlling it thorugh his actions.  I have found out how strong I really am.   Living with constantly not being sure if you can trust your partner is mentally, emotionally, spirtually, and physically exhausting.  And as lonely as it can get some days, I do not regret my choice for one minute.