Messages By: pistol05

This mother, by going on national T.V. and admitting that she is overwhelmed to the point of abusing her child, is making a step in the right direction.  It's the mother that can't admit she is out out of control and hides the fact that is a real danger to her children.  This mother wants help and is willing to receive it.  Good for her.  She is to be commended for her honesty. 

You are correct that violence from one's parent has a life-long lasting affect.  It has for me. 

My mother never admitted she was an abusive parent and denies to this day that she ever hit me with a belt, extension cord, hair brushes, etc., or was so destructively verbally abusive, and I wasn't mentally handicapped and a challenge like this woman's daughter is, although no excuse justifies taking out your frustrations on a child.  I so hated my upbringing that I do not use corporal punishment with my child nor do I call him names.  Part of being a parent and an adult is making choices.  I have made a choice not to react in anger and strike another.  I will admit that it is hard to do at times, but ultimately I am the one that is in control of my emotions.  I think this mother is on the right track just by admitting she has a problem, and I wish her well in getting help. 

Chris, 

I totally agree with the above poster.  Your wife justifies her piggish behavior by saying, "Because I wanted my cake, and I wanted to eat it too," Tell her cake-eating days are over and do let the door hit her in her big behind.  At this point, why bother with the charade of marriage counseling?  Start interviewing attornies, hire one, and for good humor, serve them to her on a plate with a piece of cake.  There are plenty of good women in the sea.  Throw that overgrown carp back in the river and start fishing! 

If there ever was a blatant case of a woman who has been sexually abused in her past it is Miranda.  She reminded me of myself and I was sexually victimized repeatedly at the age of 14.  I have spent years and years in therapy for depression, panic disorder, and posttraumatic stress disorder.  I also had a history of promiscuity that could top Miranda's number.  She has cut herself off emotionally.  She is not really a cold person, but she can't deal with intimacy, whether it is emotional or sexual.  Therapy will not be easy for Miranda because of the shame issues involved.  She needs a therapist who will blatantly confront her over and over again about her early sexual history and finally get her to admit it.  Only then will she have a chance of healing her soul. 

So many things were said that just screamed to me that this is a girl who has had sexual trauma in her life: 

"Our sex life is a very touchy subject," explains Donny, who notes that they have only had sex one time this month. "She likes to get it over and done with. 

Comment::  Same here.  I liked to get it over and done with too.  Not unusual to have flashbacks during sex too which may lead to crying.  That could have been what was behind the honeymoon crying episode.   

"Because of my past, I’m used to having sex with guys once and that’s it, never having to really face them again,"  

Comment:  Promiscuity isn't really about the sex.  It can be a way of reliving a bad situation and trying to take control sexually when you had no control over it in the past.  There is a lot of anger behind this too.  It gives you a feeling of control over men and throwing them away like used tissues. 

“Being married, I really thought that would give him a sense of security.”  

Comment:  I think the reality here is that she is projecting her own want of security on her husband.  She has to stay in control so she projects this onto him. 

She admits that the only time they have sex is when she is ovulating. “Ever since I was young I dreamed of being a mother," 

Comment:  That is the catch 22, unfortunately.  You have to have sex to be a mother.  However, do it when it is only necessary. 

Donny confides that he and Miranda are not connecting and that Miranda has problems being open and intimate mentally, physically, emotionally with him. 

Comment:  She had to cut herself off from her emotions to survive.  She probably has posttraumatic stress disorder.  It would be too overwhelming if she actually had to "be there."  

Miranda says that before they got married they decided to be intimate. “I did feel guilty from the way I was raised. I knew that you weren’t supposed to be having sex before you are married, but we made that decision, so I thought getting married, I was going to feel OK.”  

Dr. Phil questions Miranda. “Didn’t you tell Donny that you had had sex with 27 different partners before you got married?”  “Yeah,” Miranda says, as Donny lowers his head in shock. “I didn’t ever tell him a specific number. I told him that I had made some choices in my past that I was not proud of ... I just wanted a guy to like me.”  

Comment:  Guilt and shame issues.  It's a vicious circle of guilt and shame, guilt and shame.  Acting out, and more guilt and shame.