Messages By: michou80

I had written a very long letter to tell you my story and I hit the wrong button so it was deleted. :o( 

I personnally can relate to shopaholics since I am a former one. 

I am 25. I lived TONS of pressure in my life: Since the age of 8, I battled kidney cancer that lead me to get a kidney transplant, the deaths of my dad, step-mom, grand-parents and aunt.......my mom got a breast cancer (she's ok now) that lead me to take care of her, I was bullied during my whole school years because of scars I had due to my disease... and the pressure every teen girl has: To be successfull, beautiful, smart, fun... even If I did not fit in because of what I lived at the time. I still graduated from high school and college with straight-A's and honors. 

I had a lot of money because my dad left it to me when he died. To relieve the whole pressure I was living, I shopped. A LOT. When I lost 70 pounds because of a medicine that was stopped (it had made me gain weight as a side effect), I had to shop again for new clothes. People complimented on my beautiful body and my nice clothes, and I liked it, so I shopped more. 

Each time I was living a personnal stress (new job, breakup with boyfriend, fight with mom, etc.) I was going shopping. 

I got my first permanent job and at 21, and I soon maxed out my first credit card with a 5000$ shopping spree. I relieved tension I was living at my new job by shopping... again. 

I soon realized that this whole shopping thing didn't make sense. So I took a 4 month period off my job to think about what I was doing. In my case, a full-time reflexion was the key. 

I asked myself the following questions: Why am I shopping? What do I escape from? Do I really need all these stuffs? Does it REALLY make me feel happy to have these stuffs? What do I think about having 0$ in my bank account the same day I get my paycheck? What do I think about making this amount of money in a year and spending twice as much? Does it make sense having a full-time job, living at your mom's house and having to ask her to pay for your... 1$ coffee because you are broke? 

The answer was no, of course! 

So I soon found answers to my bad shopping habits and one year later, I have 0 debt...... I pay everything cash, only when I really need something of course. No compulsive purchase. I have a budget for every paycheck, that includes an amount that is put in a saving account. Of course, I still treat myself from time to time with unexpensive things, like a nice supper at the restaurant. 

I escape tension and pressure by doing sports and watching movies. 

Most of all, I STOPPED DEFINING MYSELF WITH WHAT i HAVE, BUT STARTED TO DO IT WITH WHAT  I AM. 

For the first time in my life, I can really say that I am happy. 

Thank you very much! 

I think my story should have been put in next friday's show board (Shopaholics), but I am still glad it was published, because of what I said: People need, like I did, to STOP defining themselves with what they have, but with what they are! 

In the case of those girls driving their parents nuts with these parties, I think the parents do them no favor by accepting to finance these events. 

It is RIDICULOUS!  

All these people attending these parties... I wonder if they would still be around if these girls were making "regular" parties, if they had less money. 

I have a 18 year old cousin. When his mom passed away a few years ago, he got money and suddenly, he had tons of "friends". My cousin was often asked to pay for their restaurants plates, gas in their cars... because "he was the rich one". My cousin was insecure at the time and accepted this because he didn't want to lose his "friends". Well the day he decided "That is enough, I am tired to pay for them each time we go out".... he found himself with no one around. This is when he realized he needed friends who were there for HIM, not for his cash. 

These parents need to stop spoiling their kids and start teaching them the true values of life! 

I first posted my story in Monday's show, but I think it's better to do it on Friday's. 

I personnally can relate to shopaholics since I am a former one.  

I am 25. I lived TONS of pressure in my life: Since the age of 8, I battled kidney cancer that lead me to get a kidney transplant, the deaths of my dad, step-mom, grand-parents and aunt.......my mom got a breast cancer (she's ok now) that lead me to take care of her, I was bullied during my whole school years because of scars I had due to my disease... and the pressure every teen girl has: To be successfull, beautiful, smart, fun... even If I did not fit in because of what I lived at the time. I still graduated from high school and college with straight-A's and honors.  

I had a lot of money because my dad left it to me when he died. To relieve the whole pressure I was living, I shopped. A LOT. When I lost 70 pounds because of a medicine that was stopped (it had made me gain weight as a side effect), I had to shop again for new clothes. People complimented on my beautiful body and my nice clothes, and I liked it, so I shopped more.  

Each time I was living a personnal stress (new job, breakup with boyfriend, fight with mom, etc.) I was going shopping. 

I got my first permanent job and at 21, and I soon maxed out my first credit card with a 5000$ shopping spree. I relieved tension I was living at my new job by shopping... again.  

I soon realized that this whole shopping thing didn't make sense. So I took a 4 month period off my job to think about what I was doing. In my case, a full-time reflexion was the key.  

I asked myself the following questions: Why am I shopping? What do I escape from? Do I really need all these stuffs? Does it REALLY make me feel happy to have these stuffs? What do I think about having 0$ in my bank account the same day I get my paycheck? What do I think about making this amount of money in a year and spending twice as much? Does it make sense having a full-time job, living at your mom's house and having to ask her to pay for your... 1$ coffee because you are broke?  

The answer was no, of course!  

So I soon found answers to my bad shopping habits and one year later, I have 0 debt...... I pay everything cash, only when I really need something of course. No compulsive purchase. I have a budget for every paycheck, that includes an amount that is put in a saving account. Of course, I still treat myself from time to time with unexpensive things, like a nice supper at the restaurant.  

If I want new clothes, I set a budget (always in cash, not credit), I go to less expensive boutiques and I look for sales racks. 

I escape tension and pressure by doing sports and watching movies.  

Most of all, I STOPPED DEFINING MYSELF WITH WHAT i HAVE, BUT STARTED TO DO IT WITH WHAT  I AM.  

For the first time in my life, I can really say that I am happy.  

Hello 

I am 25 years old. 

I am an ex-shopaholic. I fixed all my debts...  I don't have one right now and I am VERY happy about this. My overspending habit is way behind me now, because I took the time to realize why I was spending so much, why I was allowing myself to spend thousands of dollars on clothes and other useless stuffs.  

I decided one morning to take time off from my full-time job to have this reflection and to fix once and for all the problem I had. It took me 3 months off to take care of myself and to realize I was trying to cope with too much stress since the age of 8: I battled kidney cancer that lead me to get a kidney transplant, my dad and step mom died a few months apart when I was 15, I was bullied during all those years at school because I am only 4 feet 11 tall... due to my kidney disease, I helped my mom (I am an only child) who had breast cancer and who was battling depression and anxiety (thank God she is ok now), I graduated from college, started my fist full-time job ever, I lost my grand-parents and my aunt due to cancer.... all of this from the age of 8 to 24. I was exhausted and never took the time to deal with all the pressure I was living, so I was coping by shopping. It was kind of a relief to me. 

It's been a year now - I went back to my job on February 21st, 2005 - and I succeeded in saving more than 10,000$ since that time. For the first time in my life, I can allow myself to buy a brand new computer, take driving lessons and leave in my first appartment soon. 

My only problem is that my mom noticed that I never allow myself a treat... I make almost 900$ every 2 weeks and I almost keep my whole pay checks for savings. My mom says that I used to spend like crazy... now it's the opposite. I save like crazy! 

I feel like guilty to spend even for little items like a cute t-shirt or anything. I am scared to fall in the overspending/debt problem again... 

Should I feel guilty to spend a little of my pay check?  Am I normal or what? 

Thank you very much for your opinion and advices. 

Thank you for your reply. 

Yes, I have money at the bank that is placed at a high interest. I get the interest in my bank account every year and an other amount is placed and the interest is re-invested. I am glad about it. 

Those are not stocks, because I don't really know the stock market and yes, i am kind of afraid of it...  

About the spending habit, I have a week off at my job soon (Yay!) and yesterday, I had the reflection that for this occasion, I could allow myself one facial care at the spa (it relaxes me a lot and I haven't had any since 2003...), a nice supper at a unexpensive mexican restaurant (they serve your plate and you can refill it as much as you want during the night..... my bill including dessert, beverages is never higher than 15$!) with a friend and a small amount will be dedicated to spring shopping. 

Before going shopping, I will check my closet to see what still fits of course.  I live in Canada, so the current sales are only for winter clothes like fur coats, high collars shirts made of whool LOL... but I will still check if I could find cute items in the sales racks. 

Everything will be paid cash of course and i will leave my credit card at home. 

Thank you again for your advice! 

Hello! 

I was also a shoaholic! You can read my February 26, 2006 post about it. 

It took quite a lot of time to pay off my debts, and i did not have that many, cause thank God I gave myself a reality check on time! ;o) 

I too felt like my life was on hold... but it is worth it. 

Now I have 0 debt and can have a fresh new start... leaving in my first appartment soon... :o) 

Good luck and take care!