Messages By: carolynle

"THOSE THAT CAN DO, THOSE THAT CAN'T TEACH." 

That second teacher "looking for accountability" , only shows the reality of the old saw I started with!!  Teachers ruined my son's life.  I have met FEW who are truly capable and competent.

I believe relationships need change, slow and gradual and growing change.

I met "Mr Saturday Night" through an online dating site.  He seemed like a really great guy, smart (an attorney), funny, kind, and many qualities too numerous to mention.

We met in the usual "online" way of meeting, a preagreed restaurant for dinner.  We "hit it off well, and started into a routine of dating.  We had dinner out every Saturday night, and early evening phone calls every week night. 

This went well for about eight months.   Then I decided that it was time for our relationship to "go further", to grow  a little.  I told him, in one of our evening phone calls, that I would like just a "little more" for our relationship. "Absolutely not!", he told me,  "I just don't have the time.  I'm way too busy, and I have too much to do."

"Well", I told him, " if we can't take our relationship just a litlle further, then I don't think it's going anywhere, and we may as well, not see each other anymore."

His reaction to this "threw" me.  He calmly said, "OK, if that's what you want, then alright."

I couldn't believe he didn't protest at all!! But if that's how he felt, I was glad to be rid of him. 

That was the end of it, until about six months later, when he appeared at my door!?!?!  I invited him in and in the course of conversation, as if he thought he would tell me an amusing anecdote, he said, "I was engaged to be married, and she broke it off already".

I really didn't think anything of it, I was well over him at this time.  He went on to explain that he was engaged to this woman, and when he went to visit her one night, she refused to come out of her room.  He told me that her parents told him, that she had done this before, as she had been engaged a few times before him, but she always broke the engagements!!  All I thought at that time was that, well, that's what you get for "messing with " someone "nutty" like that, but I said nothing, and merely smiled understandingly.  He seemed to think his story was somewhat humorous; I just thought he was "DUMB" !!

It was later, that I was thinking, and realized that he dated me for eight months, and was not inclined to take our relationship any further, and, in fact, seemed only relieved  when I told him we should "break up".   When I realized, that this sixty year old man, who had never been married in his life, was able to find the "love of his life" within just six months, after dating me for for eight months........... it dawned on me:  that was why he was so blah about our breakup!! and that was why he had no time to take our relationship any further!!  He already had her and was with her most of the time.  After all, he only saw me on Saturday night!!

I was a little angry, but I just thought to myself, I'm glad to be rid of him, especially since that's the way he REALLY was!! 

I was married for 22 years, and from the time we met, it seemed my husband could hardly stand to be away from me.  When we weren't together, we were on the phone, having long conversations (usually, he called me).  True, our relationship was kept alive, by changes beyond our control, but it was a living realtionship, and we conscientiously kept it alive and loved each other.  Sadly, heart disease took him, ten years ago, but I have happy memories of our love and life together, and I would not change a minute of those 22 years.

"Mr.Saturday Night" is back "online", with a profile on a different dating site, one which I happen to have a lifetime membership, though he told me he was though with dating, and would NEVER go online again!!!

So, though I'm still "available", I'm happy.......... yes, Mr.Saturday Night called a few weeks after our last meeting, and asked me to go to dinner ......... of couse!!......Saturday Night.  I did go to dinner with him.  He wanted to "pick up where we had left off".  I told him NO.  We would have to start all over again.  He simply left and I haven't heard from him since. 

What a jerk!!!  He could have had a wonderful life with me and he foolishly just passed it up!!!

HIS LOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!        :-D

I've been dating online for about 8 years now.  I am considered "attractive".  I get LOTS of responses to my profiles.  I'm 57.   Most people I meet think I am in my 40's.  I've been a widow almost 10 years.  I try to meet as many of the men who respond as I can.  (I get a lot of responses from younger men, but I don't consider them.  I will not date anyone who is my children's ages!! That would just "weird me out".)

The problem is : of all the men I've met, though they are all "nice guys", I've yet to meet someone I REALLY LIKE.  Most want to go out with me, but I don't LIKE them!  Why can't I meet a man I REALLT LIKE??

I had a wonderful 22 year marriage with a man I really liked and loved!  In these years since his death, I've met and dated maybe four men I liked  One died, another was a jerk,  another moved three thousand miles away, and with the other it just "didn't work". So I know a man may exist that I will LIKE.......... WHY CAN'T I FIND HIM????????????

I'd appreciate ANY and ALL advice anyone may have.

Thank you

The reason I'm upset is that, though I found him easily enough, I'm writing this to reiterate what DrPhil so wisely advised: DON'T RUSH THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   He sent me the money for an airline ticket to come see him and "see how things went", afterall, he was 18 and I was 16 when we last saw each other, and now he is 61 and I am 59.  Though, as one might expect, we didn't recognize each other at first, and we were a bit "strained" for a short while, but we soon enough fell into our old friendship and got along WONDERFULLY!  That was for about 4-5 days, over the 4th of July holidays.  We parted and I came back to NJ and my family, and he stayed in FL with his career.  But we immediately made plans to get together again.....WE WERE IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!.......... Again, he sent my plane fare, and we were VERY excited to be together again.  But I(it was mostly me) forgot that we had not only been apart  the past 42 years, but that we each had pursued our own lives!  He had his own friends, many of them women.  I am insecure. I foolishly thought he would drop his friends in favor of me; and make me the center of his world!!

I still have hope that, though he won't drop his friends (I really wouldn't want him to drop his friends), he will make me the center of his world, but because I pressured him, now I must WAIT.  If I had only been patient and accepted his friends, we might be together NOW!!  But my insecurity "put him off", and he wants to be by himself for a while yet.  :(